Next: Outreach!

Hello all--

As of today, there are 3 days until we leave for BRAZIL! Time has flown, as it always does. It's still surprising, though, how fast this school has passed. I feel very encouraged, still a bit overwhelmed, and a lot hopeful. I'm going to keep living my life, choosing to simply do something and trusting that He is guiding me and keeping me on the right path. It's a hard thing to decide if God has had this crazy plan for my life since before I was born, and that He is the one who consistently causes things and people to come into my life and lead me a certain way; or if He just put a piece of Himself inside of me and turned me loose to live and dream and do "my own thing" while all the while it's really His thing. That was a ramble, but my roomies and I have had that conversation several times. What is the will of God for our lives? Maybe it's as simple as Him giving you certain loves, hates, and passions and you stepping up to do something with those.
In this time of my life, I'm daily reminded that I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm walking blindly, following this Person who has captured my heart but whom I can't see, only feel every once in a while. It's amazing that in 3 months I am so much different than I was before I came-- new perspective, new heart. It will be very hard to sum up this school and to share about it when I go home, but I'm excited nonetheless. Just have grace with me, ok? :) It's tougher than it seems!

So, in Brazil, we'll be working with this orphanage: http://www.mountsalemcs.webs.com/
and staying at the YWAM base in town. We're still not completely sure what all we will be doing, which is great, I think! Our leader, Josh, has given us the freedom to pursue our individual giftings and take the time to do whatever we feel like we should do. Hopefully there will be a week-ish long boat trip up the Amazon where we'll meet some tribes, but that is not certain yet.
It's been a beautiful thing to see God provide for our team-- 8 people in all, every single penny paid for. It blesses my heart so much to see the body of Christ in action like that. AHHHHMAZING.

Sorry this is kind of short-- we're leaving in a few to do some outreach shopping, then going salsa dancing for my friend's birthday! Community life is wonderful. Busy. Crazy. And so much fun! I will miss it dearly. I'm so thankful to still have outreach.

Prayer points for us: unity with our team, creativity and ideas of things to do with the kids, servant hearts and opportunities for us to really bless the YWAM staff and students we're staying with, relationships with the people there, health & energy, and for us to be ready and willing for whatever God wants to do through us!

Love to you!

Lament

A lament is defined as a passionate expression of grief. We were given an assignment this week to find an issue that weighs heavy on our hearts (there are so, so many) and write our own lament. I've been going through a book made at the Kona, Hawaii base called A Voice for the Voiceless. It is about gender injustice around the world-- bringing light to the issues and how we can be praying for them to end.

** Note: Something that keeps going over & over in my head is that as we pray, we should also be willing to be the answer to our own prayers. **

So, one of the first issues in the book is AIDS. I've become more passionate about this injustice. If you don't see it as an injustice, let me explain why it most definitely is, at least in other countries. We all probably know by now that AIDS is mainly spread through sexual contact. In Africa, because of their cultural beliefs and the shame (and often ignorance) that comes with this disease, it continues to spread rapidly. There are approximately 12 million orphans in Africa as a result of AIDS. The older generation is quickly dying off while the younger one is still in the dark as to what has been killing off their families and how it can be stopped.

Now, I'm no African, but as I learn more about this I've discovered some reasons that make this such an injustice, particularly for women. In most of Africa, at least rural Africa, there is a cultural practice in which a man with the AIDS virus has sex with a virgin (who is most likely under the age of 18) to "cure" him of the disease. The girl has no say in this. No protection is provided. She gets AIDS.

Even between married couples, sex is something that does not have to be mutual. It is often forced. It is rarely talked about. And for the wives... rarely enjoyed. Faithfulness in marriage is pretty slim. Often this is another access for AIDS to enter a family. When the mother gets it, the children get it. And the disease keeps spreading.

Here's a story to help you understand:

"In a small village in Mozambique, Zorah wakes up early to begin her work; caring for her three children, her aging father-in-law, and harvesting the fields. Since her husband's death a month ago, responsibility has fallen entirely on her. She is tired, but she says nothing, only gathers up a basket of dirty clothes before heading down the riverbank to wash. A doctor who visits the village every week told Zorah that her husband died of AIDS. She didn't know her husband was infected with a virus called HIV when she married him. She didn't know that he knew he was sick. At the time, she was 16 and he was 31. She didn't know he believed that sleeping with a virgin would cure his disease.

She didn't know that using a condom might have protected her from infection, and if she had known, what difference would it have made? She and her husband never talked about sex; he simply demanded it from her. Sometimes he was rough with her and she would bleed. She didn't know that this increased her vulnerability of contracting the disease.

The sun is coming up over the horizon, glinting on the slow moving ripples that mark the river's constant current. Zorah washes a shirt. Her chest hurts, and a dry cough has been troubling her for the past week. This morning she feels feverish and her body is aching. Her husband's illness started out the same way. Within a year he was dead. Zorah wrings out the last shirt as she gazes across the water. She didn't know about AIDS before, but she does now. She knows that it will kill her, too. She knows there is currently no cure. She knows that her family will be left alone. She doesn't know who will care for them.

The tears on her cheeks catch the light of the rising sun. She does not cry for long-- her family is waiting and they are hungry. She picks up the basket of wet clothes and begins the long, slow walk over the dirt road that leads back home."

-- A Voice for the Voiceless

I know this is not a great thing to read about. I know this is not comfortable, it does not make you and me feel good. But this is our reality. And it is a reality that God pleads for us to be aware of and to do something about.

Something that we've talked about in almost every week of lecture is the fact that over 300 verses in the Bible talk about the poor. (Compared to about 4 that refer to the antichrist-- why are so many people obsessed with end times? Just saying.) It seems that in all of our reading, we should get God's perspective and heart for those who are oppressed and rejected from society. Why don't we see this more often? Why haven't I seen this more often? I think it has a lot to do with our culture, and the fact that we've honestly and genuinely gotten lost in our self-improvements and encouraging sermons. Those are not bad, but why have we almost completely forgotten to mention those in need all over the world and that it is our biblical mandate, not suggestion, to do something to help them.

This is long already, and I don't mean to exhaust this subject, but it's been ignored for too long. One scripture study we've done is on James 1:27, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." An interesting fact is that in the Greek text, "and" is not present between those two thoughts of caring for orphans and widows & keeping yourself unstained from the world. So if we read it as it should be understood, it would mean this: True worship that the Father accepts is to help the vulnerable TO be unstained. Truthfully, for our worship to be pleasing to God and for our lives to be lived purely and holy, we must serve the poor. All of us.

I would like to tell you that this is easy, but it's not. I wish I could give you a step-by-step list, but I think we all should just ask the Lord what He would have us do. I want to be physically present in their lives-- the literal hands and feet. Maybe you are to be an intercessor, or a financial supporter, or a home that welcomes families in need. There a bagillion things we can do to practically help. Find yours!

Isaiah 58:10

"And if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday."

Notes: week 6

I'm just now taking the time to compile my thoughts from two weeks ago, our week on Urban Injustice taught by Troy Sherman. It's taken me this long because basically it was the most intense week for me so far. Troy's perspective is really challenging and seriously made me think about how I view life, why I'm here doing this school, and many other things. I'll try to put together bits and pieces that make sense.

Here we go...

• Why does God seem so distant and silent in the midst of our pain and suffering? Maybe He doesn't know what to do either. He might just sit back and cry harder than we are. Death, suffering, and disease were not part of His creation.
• Let's let God off the hook: there can be no accusation against Him for what's happening in the world. He Himself came down and paid for what He was never guilty for. There is nothing He hasn't covered.
• Are you blaming God for anything? Search your heart.
• Boredom is a luxury!
• Precepts in both Old and New Testaments can be used to transform nations. Example: burying your waste outside the camp-- this can be taught to communities worldwide who are dying from curable diseases because they use the bathroom anywhere they want.
• To stop this is difficult. To make an impact is not.
• Would you like to have an effective prayer life? Be willing to be the answer to your prayers. Or shut up!
• How could Jesus spend 30 years not doing public ministry and be content? What did He say on the cross? "I've done all You've asked me to do." It's not about doing everything; it's about doing what He has asked you to do today & being satisfied with that.
• Pay attention to what is most important on God's heart. It is probably what He mentions the most throughout scripture... the poor!
• Why do you think you need a call from God to help those who suffer? The fact that we have the word "injustice" is enough.
• 1 Cor. 4:16, You can only lead people as far as you've come yourself.
• If God gets involved in any issue in the world, He would have to get involved in EVERYTHING. Then the world would be over.
• There are problems and there are dilemmas. Dilemmas do not have a definite answer. Often we have to choose between bad and worse. (Example: abortion; our belief is to fight against abortion and pass laws to make it illegal. But if you look at crime statistics, about 80% of men in jail who commit crimes are from fatherless homes. Based on statistics, less abortions would equal more crime. What should we do?)
• Passion about everything results in passion for nothing.
• Doesn't it seem like the Church is focusing on the wrong thing? Gay marriage, for example. Why are we so passionately fighting against it when our marriages are not even successful? Ouch...
• Issue of overpopulation: it's been said that the entire world's population can fit in the state of Texas. Is overpopulation the problem? Or is it poor planning and development? Find better solutions, don't just complain.
• Educate yourself. Watch the news. Become a thinking Christian.
• Poverty is a circle. Men is squatter camps: not being able to work decreases their masculinity, so rapes increase in the community because the men have no feeling of worth or power in other ways. How can this be fixed? It can be as simple as making soccer fields and teaching them how to play. Just from the introduction of soccer, rapes decreased and the community was improved. Sometimes it's not as complicated as we think!
• Corruption: we can point the finger and say, "You are the problem," but we need to look at ourselves and ask, "Are we the reason that they are the problem?"
• "I don't want your money, I want your voice." -Bono; become an advocate. Use what's in your hand.
• "Yes we can!"

Yeah. That's a lot. I hope it makes sense! I still need to take time and meditate on some of these points. There is definitely a separation between truth and opinion, and it seems like most of that is just an opinion, but I encourage you that if you're offended by something to take it to God. It is possible that we are completely wrong in our thinking. "The world has told us what to think, but has no taught us how to think." In the realm of justice, I'm finding that statement to be more & more true.

Have a great week! This past week was on Human Trafficking and the coming one is Refugees & Immigration. I'll write about that soon enough!

Love to you.

Master vs. Me

Where is the separation

between where I end and where You begin?

Is there any separation at all?

Is it possible...

that parts of me could bring You glory, could please Your heart?

Is it possible that You've always had me in mind

that You delighted in me

before I even chose to love You?

Did you form the part of me

that laughs at funny voices and corny jokes?

What about the part that weeps at harsh words

and is broken for the broken-hearted?

Yeah, that had to be You.

How about the button nose, the curly hair,

the brown eyes?

Was all of this in your mind, God?

Where did the love for Fall-colored leaves

and bright Spring flowers come from?

And the joy of playing with children

and having long conversations with friends...

are all of these from Your heart?

Was it You that put all of this together

and called my name?

Was it You, Jesus?

Because if it was...

this changes everything.

Because if it was...

this means that it's possible.

I can love You.

I can delight in You.

And You can truly delight in Me.

Oh, my God.

I am forever Yours.

Hide me in You

and shine through me.

Because where You begin

is where I begin, too.

I want to thank my dear friend Tasha, who so encouraged me with the simple fact that our God is pleased with how He created us. Even though we stray and entangle ourselves with things that don't matter, He sees our bareness, our potential-- our original design. This is the hope I have, and the reason I treasure people and long for them to know Him: what He can do with us is so much more than anything we could do for ourselves. What He says about us is more meaningful than what anyone else could say to us. And the person He is recreating us to be is more beautiful than who we are striving to be.

I am confident of this:

that I can do nothing outside of Him. But through Him, and in Him, anything is possible.

Despite my inadequacy, my insecurity, my fear... He is God. May I surrender to that truth every single day, humbly following Him, trusting in Him at all times.

I'm learning not to lean on my own strength

I'm learning not to hold it all inside

I'm learning to depend on others

and most of all to depend on Christ.

I'm seeing that we truly are a body

that my part is so small

that I am not the carrier of the world's burdens

but I am a part of their healing process.

I'm learning that questions are good

and faith is everything.

I'm learning that it's not about how much I can do--

it's about being obedient to what He tells me to do today.

I'm learning that life is a struggle, and following Christ is living in tension.

I'm also learning that this is the worthiest of all pursuits;

that in the rough and tough, the broken and tattered, the hurt and pain,

my God seems most distant, yet His hope is most real.

And it is this hope that I must hold on to.

I'm learning that I can do it.

I can take it.

I can give it.

Less of my anger, more of His love

less of my control, more of His direction

less of my sympathy, more of His active compassion

less of my fear, more of His confidence

less of my pride, more of His humility

Less of me. More of Jesus.

Testimony time!

I am amazed. In more ways than one, but the main one being that last week God used His body to bless me in a tremendous way. On Thursday afternoon, the day before our first outreach payment of $1,500 was due, I received a check... for $1,500! If you've ever been in that position and God has shown up in that way, you know how I feel! If you haven't, well, let me tell you: IT'S AWESOME. I cannot explain how much it meant to me. Being in this season of coming back to YWAM and feeling like I'll soon be propelled into a huge thing that God has for me, it's like continuous demonstrations of His love and encouragement.

And Friday night as well as yesterday was so refreshing. Instead of going on our normal "Kingdom Night" outreach downtown, we had a time of worship and prayer. Something so powerful to me was a part of the night when we "stepped into" what we feel like God is calling us to. All of us went up and took a step forward and proclaimed that we would go and do whatever He has planned and gifted us to do. It was so good for me! And Saturday we went to a healing seminar at a church in Castle Rock. It was really neat and very challenging. I always find myself wondering if healing is what God wants all the time. I know He is completely good and sickness is not from Him, but things still happen, you know? So yesterday really challenged me to go back to the Bible and see His heart and purpose for healing in our lives, both physically and spiritually.

Just wanted to do a quick update about all of that. It's been a great weekend! :) Hope it's been great for you, too!

What a difference it would make...

I'm attempting the blog again. Bear with me.

Yesterday, we had Jeff Pratt (hugely anointed guy who usually teaches about the Father heart of God) speak to us for our afternoonsession. He leads a base in Connecticut, and is very passionate about social justice paired with a contemplative life. What he shared with us was so amazing. He began with the two human perspectives that we have when it comes to justice-- one being that social justice is all about people, two being that Jesus' life was primarily about social acts of justice.

Reading those statements, you (like me) might not see anything wrong with that. But Jeff helped us to see that justice is first and foremost about ministering to the heart of Christ; that when we give of ourselves to serve those in need, we areultimately doing it unto Him and not just to do a good thing. He challenged us in how we view the worth of Jesus using the example of Mary and her jar of perfume. The disciples thought the money for the perfume could be used in a more worthy way, like feeding the poor for example. Yet Mary saw the importance and complete worthiness in the person of Jesus, and did a beautiful act for Him. Hers was the most just act.

Next point: Jesus was a seer. Every action of Christ is prefaced with "Jesus saw." He cultivated the inner life and a heart after His Father, therefore He only did what He saw His Father doing. Who we are inside determines what we see on the outside, which determines what we do. We must be fixing our eyes on Jesus, asking Him for new eyes and new vision, and doing what we see Him doing. He did not touch, heal, or help every single person. He was fixated on His Father, obedient to Him alone. Jeff shared how we can get so easily overwhelmed when we see the huge needs of the world, and we see ALL the peoplesuffering, and try to help everyone through social action. This alone leads to burn out and depression, among many other issues. But focused on Jesus and living lives that constantly take time to rest in Him, focuson Him, contemplate everything beautiful that He is, we will live much richer and missional lives, and truly make a difference for the kingdom.

I've also been reading through A.W. Tozer's, The Pursuit of God. Wow. It's been so encouraging and refreshing and challenging. Some quotes from him:

"For now begins the glorious pursuit, the heart's happy exploration of the infinite riches of the Godhead. That is where we begin, I say, but where we stop no man has yet discovered, for there is in the awful and mysterious depths of the Triune God neither limit nor end."

"To have found God and still pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love, scorned indeed by the too easily satisfied religious, but justified in the happy experience by the children of the burning heart."

"We can well afford to make God our All; to concentrate, to sacrifice the many for the One."

"There must be a work of God in destruction before we are free. The cross is rough and it is deadly but it is effective."

"Men do not know that God is here. What a difference it would make if they knew."

That last quotes has stayed with me over the weeks. It's a wonderful reminder that men and women everywhere NEED to know that He is here and that He is love and that His power will transform anything and everything. Being downtown (I'm attaching pics of us painting!) has been a revelation of this gaping need in the lives of every person. I don't care what your argument is or who you are or where you're from, God is real and His reality changes lives. I know it. I've seen it. The guy in our picture had met some people from YWAM a few weeks ago, and he was in really bad shape. My friend Molly shared this later that night that they encouraged him and prayed for him, and he told her since then his life has been changing a lot, and in good ways! You never know how much a few words could mean. The Lord Jesus wants us to be a part of His work here and everywhere. I've been so blessed by the people I've met and shared stories with. It's like, just being available to Him can change eternity. He has a throbbing heart for His lost ones, and He'll give you that heart if you ask. But be ready to risk everything. I'm still in the process of letting go of fear and choosing to lay down my pride, taking up this amazing mission and message of reconciliation to all the earth, even to the city of Denver and wherever I might be next (hopefully Brazil!).

This week's teaching has been on reconciliation, by the way. We've learned about/ discussed conflict, along with recent and historical accounts of conflicts in the world, which led to justice and trying to figure out what justice actually is and how we can bring justice to situations. And today, we started talking about how reconciliation ties it all together, and is the desired end to any issue or happening in life. It's been very enlightening. I've loved getting to work in groups and hear everyone's experiences and perspectives. This school is so dynamic; I'm gaining so much!

AND, last thing, we just got back from the launch party for The Laboratory Combating Human Trafficking. It's so encouraging to know that there are so many other people working towards the same goal. Even though we don't have the same ways of reaching that goal, I believe God can work in any way through any person, and bringing freedom to the captives is definitely of and from Him.

Ok, that's life as of this week! Until next time...

(Here are the pics from Kingdom Night. The theme: Taste and see!)

Weeks 2 & 3:

Hello all! I apologize for the delayed update. Between 80-ish other people around the base, homework, class time, work duties, and a little bit of fun here and there, I have neglected my blog. So sorry!

Our first week of teaching (last week) was on Worldview. This week challenged me in so many ways. We took notes in a chart-form that showed how several different belief systems (Secular Humanism, Biblical Theology, New Age, Liberal Theology) line up under topics like psychology, biology, economics, etc., forming each worldview. Learning about the basics of these beliefs was very interesting and sometimes convicting when you realize you've been veering away from the biblical worldview in different areas of life and how you perceive what's right and wrong. It's pretty hard to write about... ask me when I get back!

Week 3: Spirituality of Justice. Our speaker fell through for this week, but it was just as great, I think! We had one day of teaching; the basics being that we are to administer justice in both the spiritual and physical realms. A great analogy of this is like hugging the world with both the arm of evangelism (spiritual) AND the arm of social action (physical). That sounds cheesy, but it helped me understand. :)

My favorite part was going through the Old Testament and seeing God's heart for justice, and following it through to the teachings of Jesus and how He lived His life for others. Overall, we're called to be "Both/ And" Christians: people who serve not only the immediate physical needs, but also bring the love and mercy and grace of the Father to their souls as well.

The book we're reading is called Quest for Hope in the Slum Community. It's sooooooo intense. Pretty much like a missions encyclopedia. So when I can sit and process my thoughts about it, I'll tell you more. (I feel like this entry is a let-down!)

Another thing I want to tell you about is our Kingdom Night outreaches. Every Friday night a huge group of us goes to downtown Denver just to be available to talk to people, pray for people, give out free hot chocolate (or whatever else we can find!) and see what the Lord wants to do. It's been AMAZING. Quick stories: the other night, a few people from our group stayed behind to pray for this man. He was actually demon-possessed (I know thats freaky, but it happens) and they prayed for him and saw him set free. He also had problems with his knee, and while my friend Cat was laying hands on him, she felt it literally pop back into place!

I will share more later, I'm going to hang out with some friends who are in town. I'm sorry again that this is a lame blog, there's honestly too much to say.

I'm ready for this coming week, which is on Reconciliation. We're also going to a "premiere" of a local human trafficking organization this week. I will definitely include that in my next update. Thanks for keeping up with me! I will write again soon.

Love to you!

PS: My first outreach payment of $1,500 is due this Friday. I'll post my address if you are interested in helping me get to Brazil! I will also post more about our trip... later! :)

YWAM Denver

Candice Lyerla SSJ

12750 W. 63rd Ave

Arvada, CO 80004

Week 1: It Begins

If you have not been keeping up with me, let me fill you in: I'm in Denver, Colorado, doing YWAM's School of Social Justice.

We've finished the first week, which mainly consists of going over YWAM Denver's guidelines, trying to remember the names of everyone in my school (thankfully there are only 12 of us!), organizing a room with 8 girls and tons of stuff, school bonding time, getting acclimated to being a mile high with very dry weather (thus, drinking LOTS of water), and adjusting to the busy & full YWAM schedule. I went to bed before 8 last night, if that tells you anything. :)

My hope during this time is to be able to communicate to y'all what we are learning in school and also what God is specifically speaking to me. I've already heard so much! One of the many great things about being here is constantly being surrounded by a loving, supportive community. People who aren't afraid to ask you hard questions, and who are willing to pray for you and comfort you through it all. Oftentimes the clearest I hear God is through his obedient children. For example, yesterday morning during our worship time we were encouraged to receive and give prayer and allow the Lord to speak through us prophetically. (Don't let that word scare you: it simply means building someone up, encouraging, speaking out what you feel the Holy Spirit is speaking to you.) A couple people came to me and confirmed so much of what I've been feeling: "don't be afraid of what God wants to do in you & through you, or of where He is taking you. He is so glad you are here and that you have chosen to go through this process and step into your destiny. Even though your vision for the future is blocked, don't let that hold you back. Keep trusting Him."

Something that I will be specifically praying for through this time is about our outreach to Brasil. We had a teaching on fundraising this week and it was so encouraging. God provided the entire tuition for my lecture phase, but I will need about $3,000 more for outreach. I am very expectant-- especially hearing from other people here about how He miraculously made the way for them monetarily. I do not doubt His faithfulness, but I was questioning whether I should go or not. In which He answered with this verse: Psalm 82:3, "Give justice to the poor and the orphan; uphold the rights of the oppressed and the destitute." So awesome! And so specific for me, since we are planning to work in an orphanage the whole time we're there.

I've already received a sweet, generous gift from a friend, and that meant the world to me. If He calls, He will provide. And I trust Him with my whole heart.

I'll be sending an email in the next couple weeks with more information about our trip. Please email me if you're interested in what we're doing, and/or if you'd like to help me get there financially!

candice_mae@hotmail.com

My only option

"Yes, He is good. He is good even when He calls you and me to places that are dirty and disease ridden. He is good even when we end up possibly sharing in the diseases of the people we go to serve. He is good because He has met us at our deepest need and now uses us to show His glory and to advance His gospel among the places of greatest need in the world."

I read that and started weeping. I cannot explain why. Maybe because I felt compassion. Or maybe because I can feel Him drawing my heart to the dark and dangerous, and my humanness does not want to comply. That means suffering, possible sickness, going without. That means missing friends and family and everything my life has been filled with so far. That means so much. And it broke me. Because what is that compared to Jesus? What is that compared with the fact that people around the world are dying for Him when I struggle with giving 10% of my income and paying attention to the needs of those around me? What is that?!

I've been created for so much more. And it's time to stop wasting time on me.

"But then I realize there is never going to come a day when I stand before God and He looks at me and says, 'I wish you would have kept more for yourself.'"

"Surely those who know the great passionate heart of Jehovah must deny their own loves to share in the expression of His."

I'm finding myself

at a loss for words

and the funny thing is

it's ok.

The last thing I need

is to be heard

but to hear

what You would say.

As our own. As ourselves.

I hated my life since the third grade when I was unmercifully beaten. I felt then that life is lost and death is looking for me. And my tears were telling me that life is nothing in comparison with death. I felt like a little cockroach which responds to fear when seen.

A bunch of American people came to our school. I thought these people wanted to laugh at us. But I was mistaken. They are people willing to give up the most precious gift a person can possess: love.

Their intentions to share seemed strange as they had their own kids.

But these people have such big hearts to give

that there is still enough room

even for us little cockroaches.

For those of you who have been following my life as of late, you most likely have realized some reoccurring themes. Love. Faith. Justice. Serving. Compassion. Action. I've come into deeper heart, head, and life knowledge of these words. They are synonymous yet can be seen so differently and shown in many different ways. It's all still a very big mystery to me... how I'm even here right now thinking about these marvelous ideals, which are more than ideals, they are pieces that make up the very identity and character and Being that is our God. Too wonderful for words. I have yet to know why I even try to write about it!

Tonight I want to share something that has been so very heavy upon my heart these past few months: adoption. Only the Lord Himself can put such a burden and passion and desire in someone's heart, and it seems that this desire is growing by the day. No, by the minute! I was given the indescribably great opportunity to spend my weekend with a group from Romania. I will not call them orphans, because they are not. At least not anymore. They now reside at a beautiful place called Caminul Felix. This organization took on the much needed task of rescuing children from the streets and abusive/ neglected home situations, and has placed them in homes. Real homes. With a real, loving family. I don't think I have ever had people bless my heart as much as these! Though the language was messy, they were so much fun to be with. I could go on and on about them, really. Looking at their faces, their laughter, wondering where they might be or who they might be had someone not stepped in to save them. That thought brings tears to my eyes. You would have to meet these precious ones for yourself to understand how absolutely delightful they are! And to think... just because they were in situations beyond themselves, they could have had their very lives taken from them because no one cared enough to be the hands and feet of Jesus. That blows my mind.

Which brings me to the book, Fields of the Fatherless, by Tom Davis. I bought this book several weeks, if not months ago. The Lord and His timing-- so brilliant. I will, of course, share some of his words with you:

"In this world, you are an orphan-- eagerly anticipating your adoption as God's child.

In this world, you are a widow-- longing for reunion with your Bridegroom.

In this world, you are a stranger-- a pilgrim waiting to become a citizen of heaven.

And in this world, God has called you to care for the orphan, the widow, and the stranger."

"... All she & the other little girl wanted was the chance to have a family... I decided right then in that orphanage that I would do whatever I could to help orphaned boys and girls around the world who were hoping against hope that someone would love them."

"One of the best definitions of justice I've heard is implied by the definition of it's opposite: evil."

"When it comes to caring for the people on God's heart, indifference is a sin."

"God gave us the responsibility to care for the defenseless. It's through our hands that the Father's love touches, it is through our voices that His voice is heard, it is through our efforts and those of the church that His care is revealed to the ones the rest of the world has forgotten."

"Why do so many of us look for the easy way out, for a way to be let off the hook rather than living out of our compassion?... Once the words of Scripture are illuminated, the truth of what they say doesn't allow me to make excuses."

"Can you remember what it was like to not know the peace of God, to face your days alone? ... Your gratitude will make you sensitive to the needs of others-- you can't help by feel compassion and act on it."

"The great news is that a sacrificial life is the freest way to live. A sacrificial, giving life is a life filled with the most meaning and significance. And it's the life Jesus blesses. "

"We see Jesus in the eyes of the poor because we see in them who we really are. We are able to have genuine compassion as Christ had compassion on us, because we see ourselves."

"Well guess what... true joy doesn't always come through the things that give us warm fuzzies!"

*Heb. 12:2

"If only 7% of professing Christians around the world responded, every single orphan in the world would have a home."

"The word compassion is derived from the Latin words 'pati' and 'cum' which together mean 'to suffer with.' Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into places of pain, to share in brokenness, fear, confusion, and anguish. Compassion requires us to be weak with the weak, vulnerable with the vulnerable, and powerless with the powerless. Compassion means full immersion in the condition of being human."

"How do we overcome fear? We start by making others' pain a priority in our lives. People are eternal; fear is not."

"He is here, with you. As you walk through the fields of the fatherless, your light will break forth like the morning and the life you live with no longer seem mundane and meaningless. Instead, every minute will be filled with joy, purpose, and significance."

"So what does God look like?

He looks like the Romanian orphan who doesn't have a hope in the world unless someone enters his life and reveals to him the love of the Father. He looks like the little girl in Africa who has no father, who has watched her mother's body being ravaged by AIDS for the last five years, and has been crying over and kissing her since she took her last breath about ten minutes ago. Now she has nobody, she's only seven, and she's standing all alone on a dirt road as they carry her mother away.

He looks like the struggling single mother who is hanging on by an emotional thread. She is mother, father, protector, and provider, and to top it all off, she has to leave the child she loves so much in the hands of a stranger all day just so she can work and put food on the table.

Oh, look! Another glimpse of God. Do you see Him in the eyes of that young Palestinian student who left his family to study in America. He's isolated, a stranger. And in need of someone to show Him what the real love of God feels like.

... Will you do what it takes to minister to Him? For the joy set before you, search for the treasure in earthen vessels. When you do, you'll find Christ Himself."

Because you saw the face of Jesus in the face of the lost and lonely,

God will see His Son in your eyes.

Because you cared most about what He cares about,

God will recognize you as His faithful partner.

And because you made every effort to express the Father's love, even the smallest deeds you did for the least of these will count greatly for all eternity.

so I'll sing You a love song.

Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. (gal.5)

"May my life be the song of Your love."

I've been at loss for words here lately. Very odd, considering I usually can form any one thought into a multi-paragraphed blog entry. I don't know the cause. I think I am overwhelmed, really. Nervous. Excited. Thrilled. Scared. Intimidated. So very happy. I am a big, huge, conglomeration of emotions! I am taking a new step. Though it is not technically new, I have been there before, but it's a new direction. And though this direction terrifies me, I cannot escape it. It's in my thoughts, my dreams, my words-- my whole life feels engulfed by the cries of the hurting. They are everywhere, you know. Have you seen them lately? I spoke with them today. I offered her a ride, I played with his dog, I told her thank you and to have a great day. The hurting. The broken. The people. Though it does not take a Ywam school or a college education to know how to help and encourage people, I believe it is a blessing. And it is a learning experience of other people's stories and how they live to help and encourage others, just as I feel I should.

I was told today that I was "glowing" as I shared with an old friend the direction I feel God moving me towards. It reminds me of how people often compliment about the glow of expecting mothers or newlyweds. I am expecting: expecting God to teach me, humble me, show me more of His heart, show me more of how I carry His heart in mine. I may not be married, but I am very much in-love: in-love with Him who is the greatest of all lovers, a Light to the world, a Father to the fatherless-- Him whose name is above every name. I don't know much about the love of a man, because this Love is more than I could ever ask for or need. And I want my life to be spent by giving away my love. His love in me.

"But I am very sure of God. I trust His love... In Him & with Him, I can do all He wants me to do."

"I know what I want is above my strength, but He who has given me the desire will also give me strength to do the impossible."

"Do we see Him in using our eyes, mind, and heart as His own? Are we so given to Him that we find His eyes look through ours, His tongue speaking, His hands working, His feet walking, His heart loving? Do we really see only Jesus in us?"

"His ways are so beautiful... to think that we have God Almighty to stoop so low as to love you & me and make use of us. As I grow older, my wonder at His humility grows more and more, and I love Him not for what He gives, but for what He is..."

"Keep giving Jesus to your people-- not by words, but by your example, by your being in-love with Jesus, by radiating His holiness and spreading His fragrance of love everywhere you go. Just keep the joy of Jesus as your strength..."

"It is such a beautiful thought for us, and a conviction, that you and I can be that love and compassion. We need to tell the poor that they are somebody to us. That they, too, have been created by the same loving hand of God- to love and be loved."

~ Mother Teresa

So how can I thank You?

What can I bring?

What can these poor hands

lay at the feet of a King?

I'll sing You a love song

It's all that I have

to tell You I'm grateful

For holding my life in Your Hands.

Bound for a place called somewhere.

"I remember the sweet sensation of leaving years ago for who knows where. I could not have known about this beautiful place... and I could not have known then that if I had been born here, I would have left here, gone someplace (else). I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing... everybody has to change or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.

I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently. Only the good stories have the characters different at the end than they were at the beginning. And the closest thing I can liken life to is a book, the way it stretches out on paper, page after page, as if to trick the mind into thinking it isn't all happening at once.

Time has pressed you and me into a book, too, this tiny chapter we share together, this vapor of a scene, pulling our seconds to minutes and our minutes to hours. Everything we were is no more, and what we will become, will become what was...

Life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers. It's a living book, this life; it folds out into a million settings cast with a billion beautiful characters, and it is almost over for you. It doesn't matter how old you are, it is coming to a close quickly. So soon you will be in that part of the book where you are holding the bulk of the pages in your left hand, and only a thin wisp of story in your right. You will know by the page count, not by the narrative, that the Author is wrapping things up.

And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving & some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God.

We get one story, you and I, and one story alone... it would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?

It might be time for you to go.

It might be time to change, to shine out.

I want to repeat one word for you:

Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back.

It is you who will have changed."

(Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts)