Tookish

"Is it possible that God's dream for human destiny is more than just believing a message?

What if He is inviting us to participate in some kind of divine quest?"

There's something Tookish in all of us...

Call me a nerd. Go ahead. But I get so inspired when I watch Lord of the Rings! Return of the King was on tv, and I was reminded of why I used to watch those movies over and over (on VHS).

I somehow identify with Frodo at the end, when all is said and done and he returns to the Shire & to all that is comfortable and known. He says, "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?"

I seem to live in that very kind of tension. I've seen what many have not, and I have yet to see what many have. There is no going back for me-- no rest in riches, no peace in prosperity. I am constantly burdened for the world that is so far removed from what I know and what I see in my daily life. There is a burden that I carry that few truly understand.

Though I'm following His path the best I know how, I still know that it's my decisions and choices that keep me where I am; in the normalcy, in the easy.

Tolkien writes, about Bilbo Baggins, "Something Tookish woke up inside him and he wished to go and see the great mountains and hear the pine-trees and waterfalls... and wear a sword instead of a walking stick."

I'm afraid something Tookish woke inside of me a long time ago. And yet here I am. It's so difficult to realize that adventure lies wherever we wish to acknowledge it. Very often, it lies hidden in the mundane, the everyday things, and some of us (like me) so easily overlook it because our hearts and minds are on things elsewhere. I ache when I think of not being able to travel. I can't explain why, it's just what I want to do. What I feel like I should do. And at the same time, it's a blessing and an honor to be anywhere, to just be living and doing life with people.

Tension.

Can you feel it?

I sure do.

"My dear Sam, you cannot always be torn in two; you will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy, and to be, and to do. Your part in this story will go on."

Precisely what I need to hear. Words of promise to my restless, torn soul. Just be.

And dare to dream big dreams. There's more to this story.

"I think there is something in us that wants to be part of saving the world...

We can be spiritual pioneers, adventurers who dare to explore what a life fully committed to God can really look like."

--Ed Gungor

Wishlist

A quick note:

Dear Etsy, get thee far from me! Not really, because I'm thoroughly enjoying spending afternoons and evenings getting lost in your handmade jewels and vintage treasures. Ohh lala!

I find myself getting inspired in a new-ish way. I'm not a crafty type, but I really appreciate those who are. Etsy is my new weakness. I am very thankful that I have neither the financial backing nor the house ownership needed to purchase the wonderful things I find.

However, I want to share a few of my favorite finds, more on the affordable side, from random sites and such. In time, I might invest!

Mmmm coffee

[Love this website! Check out their products & read about the many different organizations they are supporting. Fav quote: "We aren't asking you to buy more stuff, just change the products that you already buy." Let's move from being convenient shoppers to conscious & responsible consumers. This is my goal!]

Tumbler Cup

[Have you read Katie Davis's blog? You should. It's listed in my favorite sites. This is the organization that partners with her: 147 Million Orphans. I love the hearts of these women-- adoption! And, I find myself reusing my venti Starbucks cups over and over for iced water. Why not use one of these?]

Spend Wisely

[My Etsy fetish here. I really like this lady's store! I think it's ironic that I would be willing to spend $15 on a checkbook cover that says "spend wisely." Is it worth it? It's SO cute!]

Do gooder

[I've had my eye on this shirt for a while now. Really like the design, colors, & Desmond Tutu quote on the back. And Land of a Thousand Hills is one of my favorite organizations!]

Press It

[This has been on my mind... I think I will label it a temptation. But maybe since I'm moving, I could use it? Yeah? I'm just making excuses. I want it!]

Bookworm

[Here's my Amazon.com wishlist. I go through books like crazy. My mom constantly scolds me for not using the FREE library. I tell her that I like to write in them and keep them as long as I want, and then have the freedom to give them away if I so choose. It's gotten out of control at times. I should really go to the library more often.]

Artsy fartsy

[I wish I was a painter. The truth is: my sister inherited that talent. So for people like me, who so desire to be artsy but end up ruining most things when they try, they made wall decals! Wooooooo! I think trees are so lovely. What a fun room!]

Dress me up

[Old school/ vintage stuff has captivated me. And dresses are just fun! & breezy.]

Bag lady

[I really have a lot of bags, but specifically have been wanting to find a longer, messenger-type purse. I have yet to find one in a normal store that I love, and I would much rather spend a little more on something like this-- handmade by these lovely women.

Ok, enough treasure-hunting for now. I'm peeling myself away from the computer now full of endless possibilities of finding precious, creative things that express my style and life perfectly. Until next time!

take the world

Beloved child of the Most High God

your hour has come.

"What are you afraid of? Let God act. Abandon yourself to Him. You will suffer, but you will suffer with love, peace, and consolation. You will fight, but you can carry off the victory & God Himself will crown you with His own hand. You will weep, but your tears will be sweet, and God Himself will come with satisfaction to dry them."

--Francois Fenelon

Take the world, but give me Jesus.

full words. bitter & sweet. afflicting and freeing. I sit here, tears streaming, suffering with others, fighting within myself. Discovering the depths of life, the expansion of a heart. I want it to be all for Him.

"In that lonely place, no friend can go, no brother can help, no loved one can know. I must crawl on while you stay-- further still, just watch and pray. In that lonely place the cup is fought to sip the pain or choose my lot; to claim my rights or cast them down, to gain my loss or scorn my crown. Life pivots there in further still, face to the ground, fighting His will. Can't choose to return the same who went, once further still the old is spent...

There's so much more to Him and to the life He's given us than we have yet discovered. So, with that in mind, let's you and I go further still."

--Beth Moore

O Love that will not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee.

I give thee back the life I owe,

that in thine ocean depths

its flow may richer, fuller be.

my life, it's not my own.

I know it's Yours.

O light that follows all my way,

I yield my flickering torch to thee.

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

that in thy sunshine’s blaze

its day may brighter, fairer be.

so light a fire in my heart

and I'll burn for you.

O Joy that seeks me through the pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee.

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

and feel the promise is not in vain,

that morn shall tearless be.

So annoint me with joy,

and joyful I will be.

O Cross that lifts up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from thee.

I lay in dust life’s glory dead,

and from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be

and we will sing holy, holy

is the King of kings.

one thing remains

The love of God is greater far

than tongue or pen can ever tell;

it goes beyond the highest star,

& reaches to the lowest hell;

The guilty pair, bowed down with care,

God gave His Son to win;

His erring child He reconciled,

you & I pardoned from our sin.

O love of God, how rich and pure!

It shall forevermore endure

how measureless and strong

the saints’ and angels’ song we sing

Holy, holy.

When ancient times shall pass away,

And earthly thrones & kingdoms fall,

When men here refuse to pray,

On rocks and hills and mountains call,

God’s love so sure will still endure

all measureless and strong;

Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—

shall be the saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade,

To write the love of God above

would drain the ocean dry.

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

O love of God, how rich and pure!

It shall forevermore endure

How measureless and strong!

The saints’ and angels’ song we sing...

Holy, holy.

The love of God, hymn

though fallen low, He raises us up

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

out of chaos life is being found

in You.

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust.

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us.

from Redeeming Love:

"I'm going to need to your help," Angel said to Johnathan.

"First I have to tell you what happened today."

She told them about meeting Torie and lunching with her. She told them of the young prostitute's dejection and hopelessness and how she had felt the same way for so many years.

"She could have had a job with Virgil if she had known how to cook. As it is, he was kind enough to let her stay if I'd go down and work with her for the next few weeks until she knows what to do. She's quick, she'll be able to handle things on her own in no time."

"You're losing us," Jonathan said. The girl was so excited that she was making little sense.

"Torie said if she could find a way out, she'd take it. Virgil asked if she could cook and she said no. And it came to me, right there in Virgil's! Why not?"

"Why not what?!" Susanna said, exasperated. "You're making no sense."

"Why not give her a way out," Angel said. "Teach her to cook. Teach her to sew. Teach her to make hats. Teach her anything that would give her another way to make a living. Jonathan, I want to buy a house where someone like Torie can come and be safe and learn to earn her own living without selling her body to do it."

Jonathan grew thoughtful. "I have some friends who might help. How much do you think you'll need to get started?"

... Another look at Angel and he knew he couldn't say no and blot out the look of hope and purpose in her eyes. "We'll see to it tomorrow morning."

Oh, God. The sudden insight hurt. I'm going to lose her after all. Not to a wild young zealot, but to Angel and others like her.

He wanted his daughter married and settled with children of her own. He wanted her in a house close by so she could come visit frequently.

He watched Susanna pace back and forth, plans gushing forth like a fountain. Angel was laughing and tossing in her own ideas, one on top of the other. They were both so beautiful, it was hard to look at them. Light shining in the darkness.

Jonathan closed his eyes. Oh, God. It's not the way I had things planned.

But then, what of real, lasting value ever is?

First of all, if you have not read this book, YOU MUST! This is my 3rd or 4th time to read it, and it is even better (and harder) to read this time. To give you a very, very brief overview of the story, Angel is a prostitute who was sold at the age of 8 and lived a life of constant fear, abuse, and degradation. I will not tell you how, but she was rescued, out of her physical surroundings and out of the darkness and horrors of her own soul. It is a beautiful, tragic, hopeful story. Seriously, read it.

This part I wrote is towards the very end of the book. I cried when I read it, like I was hearing the revelation, excitement, and purpose from the heart of one of my very own friends. Angel decides to use the pain of her past to help change the futures of others. How amazing. It reminded me of how I know both the desperation of searching for what I should be doing, what specific plan He has dreamed for me, while at the same time experiencing the joy of knowing parts and pieces of the plan and taking steps to follow His leading. All the while, the entirety of the plan eludes me, which makes life even more frustrating and exciting!

I keep feeling Him break my heart. It's all too wonderful for words... and simultaneously one of the scariest, most difficult things to experience. But is this not what we were made for? This stirring in my heart is uncomfortable. I long to go and do the things He has laid upon this broken, bleeding heart, but they are things that will cost everything. Sometimes I think I am such a crazy person for caring so much, crying so much, being this in love with a God I cannot see and am unable to fathom. Ok, I really think I am a crazy person, but in some strange way it's starting to make sense to me. This faith explains so much, while still leaving so much to question. But I feel the weight of it's truth and I see the evidence of evil and I experience the hope of resurrection. It's all too real now to turn back. Oh God, help me.

Help me to be as courageous and bold as Angel, to let You use whatever You find in me-- whatever You have formed in me for such a time as this. I am willing.

"Love the Lord your God and love one another. Love one another as He loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion, and no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. That's the way back into Eden. That's the way back to life."