Hidden wonders.

How was your Christmas?! Mine was great, thanks. I have my griefs, but I will spare you from those. They have been given over to the One who bears my burdens daily. Overall, I was so delighted to see the familiar, and changing, faces of the ones I love most. There was a lot of laughter, which I am very grateful for. Too many presents. I'm still trying to find the balance of how I can better teach my future children about Christmas. As I watched the little ones eagerly move from one gift to the next, amidst my happiness for them, I still had that pang of guilt and conviction that will stay with my always because I have seen too much and therefore am responsible for my knowledge. If you are confused, just read my earlier blogs, and you will quickly learn of how the Lord has been dealing with me!

I did receive a most enlightening gift from my dad-- the documentary, The Star of Bethlehem. It follows the journey of a Christian lawyer in his search of proof that the Star was a real phenomenon, and not just a made-up character in the story of Christ's birth. It is truly amazing! And much too detailed to explain here. You can borrow it!

I was thinking a lot about that movie & all that God has done to make Himself and His promises known to us. We attended an amazing church yesterday. The pastor wasn't there; the guest speaker was a Dr. Somebody who had graduated from Harvard and spends a lot of his time traveling and speaking around the world. I knew it was going to be good. He spoke about the Gift of a Redeemed Life. And to my enjoyment, went into explaining all the historical facts of the birth of Jesus, even the Star. It was just as fresh and exciting hearing it over again-- the miraculous and supernatural coming of God Incarnate. He was a very learned man, obviously from Harvard, but He spoke with the conviction and sensitivity of the Spirit. He reveled how we, as believers, are much like Mary. When we choose to answer the voice of God and accept His will for us, the Holy Spirit births a new spirit within us, and we too experience a miraculous conception of Jesus Christ. How wonderful! And he reminded us that the three magi from the East were Gentiles-- they were not of God's chosen and called-out people, but yet they were the ones who told the king and people of Jerusalem that the Savior had been born. This could be understood as a foreshadowing of the salvation of ALL people, every nation! And also that these men had some kind of intervention; possibly they realized that their religion and beliefs were not getting them anywhere, and that this wonder in the stars might lead them to real and true God.

Do you know about the gifts that they brought? This is one of my favorite parts. The gifts were that of gold, which is what you offer a king; frankincense, which you give to a priest or a prophet of God; and myrrh, which is what you bring to someone who is about to die.

How did they know to bring such things? Were the magi aware of what was really happening? It just intrigues me so!! I hope we get to interview people in heaven. I want to know about all of this!

Back in the church service, the speaker ended it so beautifully. Do we come and adore the Savior with these same gifts? Gold: a purified life, set apart for the use and desires of the King. Frankincense: a prayerful life, offering up the sweet smelling incense of intercession and longing. Myrrh: a crucified life, no longer living for self, but dedicated to God and dead to sin.

And I cried while singing, "O come let us adore Him, for He alone is worthy, we give You all the glory..."

I received a Facebook message from a YWAM director in New Haven, CT. I believe he is a prophet to this generation. If you ever meet him or hear him speak, you will know.

This is the message, A Christmas Prayer for the End of this Decade.

"Jesus, Oh Long expected One, the Joy of the whole earth, we pause here near the close of advent, and the end of a decade, to consider the wonders of your comings in the history of our lives. Struck breathless by your scandalous grace we thank you for choosing a stable for your first home, to give us hope that there would come a day that you would be born into the far fouler recesses of our own barren hearts. Thank you Jesus, for that day has come!
Oh Inescapable One, Incarnation of the Father's love, thank you for the hope of your future coming in glory, when every tear will be dried from the eyes of Your friends, and more importantly, finally from your own. But till then, Jesus, we're stuck between the dreaming at the stable and the coming true of Your second coming. So we're most thankful that you're the Ever-coming Christ! You relentlessly come all the time in our lives; in the sacrament of the present moment you live and breathe. Forgive us for not seeing you there in the years gone by. Forgive us for our selfish living. May we perceive that there is a divinely initiated banquet going on at the heart of ordinary life, and that around that table is the poor, broken and needy of the world.

In this coming New Year, and decade, we want to be where you are Jesus, more than anything. Somehow we want to provide for you a more comfortable place to lay your head, and your heart. We're not sure how to do this, but this is our quest. In Your most beautiful name we pray." AMEN

Though that quest is never-ending, I hope and pray that you would begin. For in HIM lie all the treasures of hidden knowledge and wisdom. I do love treasure hunts, don't you?!

Christmas is...

“God did not write a book and send it by messenger to be read at a distance by unaided minds. He spoke a Book and lives in His spoken words, constantly speaking His words and causing the power of them to persist across the years.”

I, unlike many people I know, do not feel the impending and overwhelming excitement at this time of year. I mean, I am not "in-love" with Christmas as most people are. Possibly because I don't enjoy presents like I used to. Or possibly because I think that people waste a lot of money on the newest decorations and lights, and they always must out-give another with trinkets and things that won't last. To be absolutely and horribly honest, it's just more money that could be well given elsewhere. I'm not referring to everyone & I'm not bashing gift-giving. I love gifts. I'm simply trying to really focus on Christmas. The real Christmas. The real Christ.

It's more than baby Jesus. It's about the Jesus that lived to die and saved us from a terrible and well-deserved fate. And it's more than a "silent night" because I think that song is a lie. He was born in a stable with animals, for goodness' sake! And poor sweet Mary had no pain medication. No, not silence. (Why do we always have to change things and make them fit what we want to believe?!)

The Truth is, the Word of God made His home with us. Now isn't that a mystery... the Word made flesh. It's still hard for me to understand this, but I think it means that all which was created to bring men to God (the law) and all that was planned since the beginning to save the world, was brought together, past and future, and born into our junk. The laws from the Jewish people were fulfilled, and the hope of the nations was brought to life. It is an immense and unending explanation that I really, really look forward to knowing in heaven! My little brain is working so hard to try to put into words what my heart has accepted as such marvelous fact. Jesus is so much more than what we have heard and have ever been taught. And this is what I love about Christmas! I can sit here and imagine that day when the world was forever changed, when His-story took a dramatic turn. A baby changed everything. God clothed himself in our skin. He made the way.

“The interior journey of the soul from the wilds of sin into the enjoyed presence of God is beautiful. Ransomed men no longer pause in fear to the Holy of Holies; but God wills that we should push on into His presence and live our whole life there.”

(I love the word "ransomed." It means the redemption of a prisoner, deliverance and rescue from punishment, liberation, release.)

The reason for everything we do is Jesus. Prayer is only possible because of Jesus. Peace is only possible because of Jesus. Loving people no matter what they do or have done is only possible through Jesus! He is our everything. More than the reason for the season- He is my reason for life! What burning passion and urgency we should feel because not everyone has what we have or knows what we know. That is the message of Christmas that most ignore-- yes, we celebrate Him and we celebrate our family and friends, but how can we bring others into our celebration?

I think that is a huge challenge for all of us. I know I feel like Christmas is a vacation. We eat, watch movies, play board games, and enjoy ourselves. Isn't this the time of year that gives us the best opportunity to bring people Home? Most people have heard of sweet baby Jesus, but do they know about the One who gives strength to the weak and makes the broken whole? It's hard to imagine an innocent baby talking you through your addictions and giving you marital counsel. Don't forget to show the Jesus who lived our lives and overcame. Tell them about how He didn't just die and go back to heaven, but He delivered on His promise from long, long ago and gave us His very Spirit to make His home in us, to lead us and help us. That He will never walk away or forget us. Tell someone, or everyone, what He gives you-- how he has so enriched and excited your life! Tell them how you will never be the same. How it doesn't matter that none of it makes much sense-- all we know is that we feel brand new. And the joy... oh, do share about your joy! If you don't have any, then ask for some! It's such a joyous thing to know you aren't just another person, but you are His child, His bride.

Remind yourself of all these things & remember what He has done for you. The world will listen if only we would learn to tell them. & if necessary, we could use words.

“The blessed and inviting Truth is that God is the most winsome of all beings and in our worship of Him we should find unspeakable pleasure.”

Merry Christmas!

Standing under the downpour.

Let me catch my breath.

I have been absolutely covered in the grace, favor, and faithfulness of God.

As most of you know, today marks week 2 of being so-called "unemployed." But God is and forever will be my Provider. As if He really owes me any kind of explanation or comfort, He has given me an opportunity to stay in a beautiful house surrounded by beautiful water, and He has filled my days with work. Good work with great people doing something that I do so well-- cleaning! And I love it. It's freeing and so fulfilling right now because I know that much like the sparrows, He is feeding me from His hands. I am so blessed.

(at the moment Kim Walker is screaming in the background how He loves us... seriously.)

How sweet is it to be loved by you, Lord!!!!!

So today, I was sitting on the balcony of a condo, waiting for the laundry to finish, and I was once again so overwhelmed with wonder. Then something else struck me-- guilt. I examined my life, how I'm living, where I'm living, all that I have... and I felt guilty. Like, God, why? Why am I here? There are people in this very town who are stressed out and struggling for money, and here I am chillaxing in a resort, enjoying the cool breeze and sunshine?!

It's really hard sometimes to accept gifts from people. Even from God. And He reminded me of my faithfulness. And that He rewards obedient children. It's just His nature & His order.

Which brings me to today's entry from Oswald Chamber's, My Utmost for His Highest.

The last couple of days God has used these words to bring such peace to my heart. Here's some from today:

"Always distinguish between God's order and His permissive will, i.e., His providential purpose towards us.

God's order is unchangeable; His permissive will is that with which we must wrestle before Him. It is our reaction to the permissive will of God that enables us to get at His order.

'All things work together for good to them that love God' - to those who remain true to God's order, to His calling in Christ Jesus. God's permissive will is the means whereby His sons and daughters are to be manifested. We are not to be like jelly-fish saying, "It's the Lord's will." We have not to put up a fight before God, not to wrestle with God, but to wrestle before God with things. Beware of squatting lazily before God instead of putting up a glorious fight so that you may lay hold of His strength."

For me, that is immense relief! We are not called to wrestle with God, but to wrestle before God, in humility and surrender, with the things in our lives. Uncertainty, job opportunities, school, ministry, relationships. These are all vital to our livelihood, and therefore is vital to our relationship with Jesus. One directly affects the other.

Through the wrestling, we take on His strength and ability, and we learn. We learn what we can and cannot do, and we learn how much He really is above everything and in everything.

It's like the whole conflict thing in my last blog... life is truly about struggle, because without the struggle, we would and could do it on our own. And that's never been His intent.

So, if you find yourself in a position much like me, accept the fact that you will always have a battle, and rejoice in the fact that the battle has a worthy cause; and that is the building of your faith, trust, and dependence on your Love. It's also preparing you to be placed in the center of His will, and to bring your heart & mind into His order, not your own. Discipline is the life of a disciple, my friends! And I'm still learning so much myself. I always will be.

Don't forget: Visit www.mycharitywater.org/candicemae and donate to my Christmas well! Here are a few of my favorite pics from their field work...

Write a better story.

I finished Donald Miller's newest book- A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It's a must-have, in my opinion. Especially if you long for something more to be made from your life. I am so intrigued by the elements of a story... by how a movie or a book can suck you in completely and manipulate your emotions in the perfect way to make you cheer for, hate, or envy a character who is not even real! It's an interesting thing, for sure. And the stories that Don is beginning to tell, and has already told in his life, are wonderful. And I love it because a great story basically all comes down to relationships. You don't have to travel to another country or do something no one else has ever done to write a good story. There's a Story being told all around us... we just have to find where we fit & how we can make it better.

When I grabbed this book off my shelf a minute ago I saw a travel journal that one of my friends bought me before I shipped off to YWAM. It's still empty. Yes, I wrote that story down in another journal, but it made me so desire to start another journey. To fill those pages with more encounters with God, with unique and beautiful people, with deeper truth about myself. I am so excited for the new season I am beginning.

I really like this quote from Don's book:

"Writing a story isn't about making your peaceful fantasies come true. The whole point of the story is the character arc. You didn't think joy could change a person, did you? Joy is what you feel when the conflict is over. But it's the conflict that changes the person."

How often do we, even a lot of us Christians, cling to the hope that we will not experience trouble, trial, conflict and pain in our lives? Yet Jesus himself promised us those very things. He says on another page, "And when you stop expecting God to end all your troubles, you'll be surprised how much you like spending time with God."

I've been convicted about that lately. Instead of seeking God for specific direction for my life all the time, maybe I should just sit down, open my mind and my heart, make some good coffee, and just talk. Talk about the day, talk about my dreams, ask what He is thinking, tell Him how thankful I am.

So today marks year number two since the tragic day at YWAM Denver. Tiffany and Phil-- man, you guys are missed greatly. It's hard not to linger on thoughts of what you might be doing right now if you had not been taken from here. But I am so encouraged because we are not those who are without hope. I know where you are is where I truly long to be... in the perfect, awesome, complete & restoring presence of our Savior King. Thank you for your stories & for the legacies you've left. We'll keep the Love Story going, even to the ends of the earth!

I was so moved by the afterword of this book. It's about what will happen at the end of all of our stories. I want to change it up a bit to fit my life experiences so far. And I challenge you to do something like this. Examine your life, your story, and see how much you have let it be His story. Because we should be more concerned with the Story than we are about ourselves. And because "the world needs for us to have courage; the world needs for us to write something better."

I don't wonder anymore what I'll tell God when I go to heaven, when we sit in the chairs under the tree, outside the city. I'll tell Him about the time in Nepal when chickens and goats were running through our houses, and when we would just stop and think about how wonderful this world is in all of its creativity. I'll tell Him how amazing the stars look from this side of Earth... how in that quaint, far away village you could see the wisps of the Milky Way. And I will thank Him for giving me these images of His glory.

I'll ask Him if He remembers all the times I cried myself to sleep as a little girl, and He'll look comfortingly at me and tell me He was there. I'll tell Him about all the retreats and youth trips and how much fun I had learning how to live for Him.

I'll tell Him about all the great laughs with the friends and family He gave me, and what I loved and appreciated about each and every one of them.

I'll tell him about the joys of giving to homeless people and missionaries and making sure kids had presents on Christmas morning. And He'll probably show me how big of a difference my dollars really made.

I'll tell Him about teaching kids His Word, and how amazing it was to see them understand the sacrifice of His Son. I'll tell Him about our Kids Camps and ask why it had to be so stinkin' hot in the summer time.

I'll share my favorite parts of His Word & all the sermons and messages that changed my life. He'll tell me how He worked everything out perfectly for me to hear them at that specific time in my life. Then He'll thank me for being obedient, and I will worship Him.

I'll go on and on about how marvelously He painted the sunsets, and how sweet and thoughtful He was to give me the opportunities He did. I'll be sorry for the ones I chose to miss out on, and He'll nod and agree that it was my loss, but insist that I carried out His plans for my life beautifully.

I'll tell these things to God, and He'll laugh, I think, and then remind me of all the parts I forgot, the parts that were His favorites. We'll sit and remember my story together, and then He'll stand and put His arms around me and say, "Well done," and that He liked my story.

And my soul won't be thirsty anymore.

Finally, He'll turn, and we'll walk toward the city, a city He will have spoken into existence, a city built in a place where once there had been nothing.

We are needed.

www.charitywater.org/projects/fromthefield/bangladesh.ph

Go to this website and watch the video.

How do you feel? Does this surprise you? Does it bore you?

Living here in the US poses a problem for us. It seems like we are bombarded with so many stories, so much information about a hurting world, that eventually we get so used to it and just ignore it. Or maybe we will watch it, but we won't let the message break our hearts. Why? Is it our selfishness? Our helplessness? Or maybe its our fear... we don't want to be so deeply ruined and affected by that problem because God might just ask us to do something about it.

A friend shared her opinion with me not too long ago. She questioned why so many Americans will spend all their money traveling around and helping those in other countries, when so many here are in need. I calmly agreed with her. But I must ask... have you ever seen the need in other places? Have you walked the muddied streets that stink with sewer and trash? Now let me ask you this: have you ever seen that in America? Yes, people are homeless. Yes, some people live in horrible conditions, but not to this extent.

I have decided to do something tangible to help. I pray often for hurting people around the world. I even weep for them. But listen to this passage: James 2:14-17, "Dear friends, do you think you'll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, "Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!" and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn't it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?"

We must do more. Jesus said that the poor will always be among us, but that is no excuse to not help them. I like how Shane Claiborne interpreted those words-- Jesus was revealing the church's true identity; to be close with the hurting and the hopeless. It is our mission, it is the love of Christ, to act on His words. "Go and proclaim the Good News to everyone." Sometimes that doesn't mean preaching or teaching. Sometimes it means meeting a practical need. Like clean water.

I am asking for you help. Will you join me in raising $5,000 this Christmas to build ONE well for people in need of clean drinking water? All you have to do is go to www.mycharitywater.org/candicemae. Click on "Donate to my campaign" and enter your credit card info. Choose the amount you want to give- it can be anything! I challenged my friends and family to give however much they would normally spend on my presents. So however you feel led, whether that's $10 or $150, please give. My campaign ends in February, and I fully believe that we can raise the entire $5,000, if not more!

You'll see more about this in the coming weeks. I'll post pictures and stories from people that have been changed by this project.

Thank you for your help. I pray that God would speak to you clearly and personally about how you can change this world, your world. Be blessed!

"It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."

Ephesians 1:11-12

If we have not love, it is nothing.

Phew, bare with me people. I've got a lot to say tonight!

After seeing the I-heart film, We're All in this Together, I was so broken, moved, challenged, enlightened, convicted, angry, speechless, encouraged... so many emotions. So much injustice. So little it seems that we can do for people. I really like what Joel said: "I've come to find out that I don't know much about anything, except the ONE thing." Love. And the film was turned from the hunger, the hopeless, the ignorant, and spoke of the One whose love has saved us all. Beautiful. Mother Teresa also said it well: "Jesus didn't tell us to love the whole world; he told us to love one another." Which of course means that if we would start loving everyone we come in contact with, the whole world would be changed. Can you imagine?

What is love? It's not easy. It's not about how much we enjoy something, and so therefore, we "love" it. I hate when I use that word so freely, for it is a name of a holy God. Love. In it's right definition found in 1 Corinthians 13, it's a hard thing to attain. I've found that true love can only be lived out through the nature of the One who IS love. Makes sense. Everything in those few verses that define it are completely against human nature. Unselfish, patient, completely kind, is not provoked, does not envy, suffers long, is not conceited. I can think of countless times when I have done each one of those. It's harder to think of times when I have really loved-- when I haven't been in it for myself, when I haven't shown impatience, or when I have been able to suffer long. Something from the film that really got to my heart was when they interviewed a man who worked with AIDS victims in Africa. Speaking about loving, he compared a story that he experiences all the time... when you reach out to a single mom who is infected with HIV and has 4 kids, and she breaks the rules, lets you down, what do you do? You keep loving. You keep helping. You suffer long with her. That's love. It never fails.

Mother Teresa also said, "Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more." Eventually, you know what will happen...? Love will override any hurt. Or as the Bible says, Love covers a multitude of sins. Wow, what great love has been shown to us. Such great, extravagant love.

I'm going to throw this in here: if you haven't read The Irresistible Revolution, get it now. But not unless you want your comfortable life completely ruined and gone forever. If you want to stay ignorant to the innocent dying, starving, and hopeless, then stay in your world. You will be fine. And you know what? You will most likely still make it to heaven. But man, will you miss out. There is much benefit in choosing to participate in the sufferings of Christ. For me, as an American, I will not be stoned to death if I wanted to preach on the streets. But that's not the only way to suffer. For me, a much greater suffering is that of the heart. What you will see... what you will have to turn your face away from... when you choose to go wherever He goes; it's unexplainable what some people live through. And when you put yourself in their place... that will change you forever. To think that so easily you could have been born in their skin. You can be an orphan in Africa because your mother was raped and died from AIDS. Or you could be the child of a prostitute in India. We have no control. But what we do control is our will and our choice. Now that you have the life that you have, what will you do with it? "The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them away." Have you ever felt that? The extreme joy that comes when you give someone a gift that will be with them forever? I so desire that. I would literally give away everything I have if that was love. But sometimes that isn't. Sometimes the best love is just a smile. Or a hug. Or maybe it's $3,000. Or a conversation. Or a blanket. Or to offer your shower and a warm meal to someone with no home. Whatever it is, it can all be done with the motive to give that which always believes, always hopes, always trusts, and always endures... Love.

"Poverty was not created by God, but by you and me, because we have not learned to love our neighbors as ourselves."

Do you feel the truth and conviction in that statement? I was thinking last night about all the things I do without purpose. Like spending $8.50 on a movie that will simply entertain me and not benefit me at all. Or checking out in front of the tv instead of seeking God's face and praying for someone who is lost and hurting. Does that sound extreme? I agree with Francis Chan when he says that the church is in the position that it's in, bad reputation and all, because it has thought some things to be "too extreme." Look at Jesus!! Just look at his life. Don't be offended, just take it to Him. What does He say? To me He says to freely give because it has been freely given to me. To me He says give Me time, worship Me, seek Me, I am the life that you long for. To me He asks, "To be handsome, rich, and wise, is that really what you want?" No... I want Him. Whatever that looks like. Whether it be blaring Kim Walker in a convertible BMW or singing my lungs out on a bike in the villages of Rwanda. Honestly, I prefer Rwanda.

Another great book, Searching for God Knows What, proclaims that there is no formula, no 5-step equation that will bring everyone's life into peace, prosperity, and purpose. It's different. Find YOUR rhythm, YOUR steps, and then dance so passionately and sing your life-song so loudly that it draws others to the brokenness and surrender of choosing to let the Creator create whatever He will from their pieces, too.

So what now? There are many different things God might move you to do. Repent. Get rid of some stuff. Set aside an hour just for Him. Fast from food or shopping. Build a relationship with that person at work. What is it? ASK. Ask and it will be given to you, according to His will. God, I want more of You. I want more opportunities to love. I want to be able to be a blessing to others. Can I have those things, Lord? Will you change me so I can change my world?

I think I know what the answer is.

Upendo ni jibu.

Liebe ist die Antwort.

รักคือคำตอบ.

L'amour est la réponse.

愛の答えです.

Love is the answer.

Fat & Plentiful!

Just something on my heart...

I was watching Craig Groeschel's newest series on the Holy Spirit, and he mentioned this verse that happens to be the source of greatest encouragement to me lately:

Isaiah 30:21, "Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, 'this is the way, walk in it.'" Another version talks about specific direction, either to the right or to the left. To be in a season such as I, not knowing much about what the next few months will hold, a verse like that speaks volumes to my soul. I will hear His voice, if I keep myself sensitive to Him, and He will let me know.

And of course, Oswald never fails me. This was in yesterday's devotion (from My Utmost for His Highest):

"If through a broken heart God ca bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart."

And in todays...

"We have to obey Him out of oneness of spirit. That is why whenever our Lord talked about discipleship He prefaced it with an IF… the Lord does not give me rules, He makes His standard very clear, and if my relationship with Him is that of love, I will do what He says without any hesitation. If I hesitate, it is because I love someone else in competition with Him- myself… I must obey Him & when I do, I fulfill my spiritual destiny… when I stand face to face with God I will discover that through my obedience thousands were blessed. When once God’s Redemption comes to the point of obedience in a human soul, it always creates. If I obey Jesus Christ, the Redemption of God will rush through me to other lives, because behind the deed of obedience is the Reality of Almighty God."

Just let that swirl around in your brain a bit. It's so rich and deep.

THEN, reading on in Isaiah 30, verse 23 says that He will give rain to your seed with which you sow the ground... it will be fat and plentiful.

I always love when God's Word talks about rain. It's this freaky prophetic thing I learned in YWAM. Rain is a sign of blessing and abundance. I get a little choked up now when I read about sowing, planting, and harvesting. It's a beautiful concept. So often the seeds I have sown into my own life have been watered with tears. And Jesus says I will reap eternal joy! Hallelujah! But it's a very strenuous, draining process to sow something, especially into another person's life. Never forget that promise: that the seed you sow will come to fruition, not matter how long it takes. Name it and claim it! Continue to pray that the Lord would make it FAT and PLENTIFUL in the lives of those you've planted. Take tender care of those seeds, and wait patiently, but not lazily, for the harvest. I have found that expectation is a huge factor of faith. Expect much, receive much more!

As Pastor Craig said, we can live supernatural lives in this natural world. Let the voice of the Spirit, who is like the wind, guide you-- whether to the right, to the left, or to the other end of the world. Obedience is a step towards the fulfillment of your destiny.

Enjoy every second of this unpredictable journey :)

Peace & Bless-angs.

Don't miss your brightness.

Love this passage: 2 Corinthians 4

"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.

If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get.

Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!

We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise!

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

Amen & amen! That's from the Message version. Love the wordage. Paul encourages God's people not to miss out on His brightness and beauty that is in us, His unadorned pottery. I love that imagery. We are simple clay pots that have been formed by the Potter and that have within us a supernatural greatness.

God has been giving me an ever-increasing passion to teach people about this new life He has freely offered to us through His Son. Going through the Judgement House (a drama that reveals the ultimate truth and reality of life after death) it always reminds me that YES heaven and hell are real and very important, but we so often forget to tell about the fullness of life here and now that Christ has purposed us to live! He says that He makes us new creations, all of the old things have passed away, behold, everything has been made new. Everything! And that by accepting Him, we are given His glory and greatness by His Spirit that now has made His home within us.

Really... I am easily overwhelmed by all of this. When I have time to sit down and study and think about what He has done and what He plans to do, I am in awe.

It's so hard to see yourself as God sees you, isn't it? Even then as I wrote that, I felt a twinge of guilt, because who am I that this God is mindful of me?! I wish that others felt that way. People too quickly accuse God for "not being fair" or "not caring" or whatever. Seriously? Where do we get off questioning a Perfect Person and His Perfect Will?

I guess that is part of the gift package that we receive when our eyes are opened to the great sacrifice of Jesus. We also see how unselfish God was to share Himself, a completely perfect and pure and good being, with people who blatantly slapped His face when we chose a different way, our way.

Do you understand that part? Do you understand the Cross?

That its not just about what you've seen and heard and been taught; it's not just about those Sunday School songs, even though they are filled with Truth. It's not about what you think about God. It's all about God. And whether or not you have experienced your own cross.

How easy it is to preach a happy Gospel. "Come to Jesus and you will have everything you want!" In a way, yes. But this whole "new creation" thing, it changes everything. You see, now that He resides in our heart, we no longer want what we wanted. Now that He is here, we can no longer do what we once did, because what we once did was killing us. But He has come to give us life. When He says "take up your cross and follow Me," where do you think you're going? Back to the club? Back to your girlfriend's house? Back to where you once where?

If you are, I must tell you this: you aren't following Him.

Paul tells us in another passage to crucify our flesh, kill whatever part of yourself that's holding you back. In the words of Rob Bell, take it outside and shoot it. Don't allow it to stop you any longer.

You are new. You are His. The emptiness inside of you can be filled, even to overflowing.

I try so hard to share what I know, but in the end, I'm not the Holy Spirit. I know so many who need these words desperately, but it's not me who can change them. My whole purpose for this blog is not for you to think of me in any certain way, but for your thoughts and perspective about God to somehow be challenged or renewed or maybe even corrected. I want you to know that He is so deep... that we will never be able to fathom the things of God. But it does help to talk about it. At least for me. So whoever you are, wherever you are, please hear the song of my heart & my life:

You are so extremely and unexplainably loved. And I am sorry if that Love is not always displayed through me, but know that He is there and He is Love. Know that you can be changed, that your mind & desires can be transformed, for I am a living example of that truth. And remember that things are not always as they seem-- anything can be turned around for good.

Amazing grace (undeserved favor)

how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me (whore, loser, rejected)

I once was lost (gone & forgotten)

but now I'm found (saved & rescued)

was blind (trapped, confused)

but now I see (freed from darkness)

so clearly.

I once was fatherless. A stranger with no hope.

Your kindness wakened me from my sleep.

Your love it beckons deeply

a call to come and die.

By grace now I will come

and take this life.

Take Your life.

Into Marvelous Light I'm Running...

My dead heart now is beating.

My deepest stains now clean.

Your breath fills up my lungs.

Now I'm free.

Sin has lost it's power.

Death has lost it's sting.

Into Marvelous Light I'm Running.

Because I Want To.

I'm just writing tonight because I want to. Is that ok with you? No agenda. No book comments. No quotes. Well... scratch the last one, I might have a few quotes. You know me.

I am enjoying this wonderful heartburn (that my mother told me I am too young to have) from the delish stir-fry I made. Yes, from scratch. Except Publix does this wonderful thing where they'll freshly prepare anything you need, like fruits or veggies. Great! So I didn't have to buy everything separately. It was very good. The peppers always get me! Too bad I no longer carry Tums with me. 65-year-old at heart, I guess. (heh, heh)

So everyone keeps asking me where I am going next. It's so stressful sometimes- I feel pressured to always have a plan. Gosh, people! In case you are wondering, I don't have a plan!! And that's ok! For now. Not to rush you Lord, but I'd like to know SOMETHING by January, k? I'm really hoping my friend Tasha will move here. Then we can work our tails off, save money, and move to Australia together. In our dreams. Well, literally, in mine. I find myself dreaming about Hillsong often. But for now... it's just a dream.

I was reading a devo the other day & it said this:

"It's not wrong to depend on your 'Elijah' as long as God gives him to you. But God doesn't intend him to stay and although the thought causes you to say 'I can't continue,' you must. There are times when we must go on alone, and draw from God the strength to do it."

What a great way to describe every great thing that I have clung to in my life. God brings people, things, opportunities into our lives, but we are never meant to depend on or hold those things so tightly and closer to our hearts than Him. I have done that. More than once! When people ask me if I'll ever go back into YWAM, I sadly answer that I don't think I will. Not because God is a cruel God and He doesn't want me to be happy, but because God sees the whole picture of my life & has innumerable plans for me that are greater than I could ever understand. Sometimes going back to something you once loved is just that... going back. I want to keep running forward in this race. Though many things bring us pleasure, not all those things are what God intends for us. And its a hard thing to give up sometimes. Scary, too. It's like He purposely moves me right when I'm feeling comfortable. I'm thinking that's the point, right? To totally go against every logical and "that makes sense" decision or path for my life! It's frustrating and extremely comical all at the same time! I love Him so much!

(My neighbors are seriously rockin' out at their Halloween party. Current song: Love Shack)

That's all of my spiritual blabber for the night. I have had such a wonderful day, praise Jesus. This week has been exhausting, but so refreshing, too! And my sweet Abba brought some dolphins my way :) He knows I really, really enjoy that. Like a kiss from heaven. ANNND the sunset was crazy beautiful! Did you see it?! Oh, it was lovely. I'll end this with a favorite Psalm of mine...

The heavens declare the glory of God

and the sky proclaims the work of His hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they communicate knowledge.

There is no speech, there are no words, their voice is not heard.

Their message has gone out to all the earth

& their words to the ends of the inhabited world.

In the heavens He has pitched a tent for the sun.

It is like a groom coming from the bridal chamber;

it rejoices like an athlete running his course.

....

the instruction of the Lord is perfect

reviving the soul.

the testimony of the Lord is trustworthy

making the inexperienced wise.

the Lord's precepts are right

making the heart glad.

the commandment of the Lord is radiant

making the eyes light up.

the fear of the Lord is pure

enduring forever.

the ordinances of the Lord are reliable

and altogether righteous.

They are more desirable than gold, than an abundance of pure gold!

In addition, your servant is warned by them:

there is great reward in keeping them.

Psalm 19