Standing under the downpour.

Let me catch my breath.

I have been absolutely covered in the grace, favor, and faithfulness of God.

As most of you know, today marks week 2 of being so-called "unemployed." But God is and forever will be my Provider. As if He really owes me any kind of explanation or comfort, He has given me an opportunity to stay in a beautiful house surrounded by beautiful water, and He has filled my days with work. Good work with great people doing something that I do so well-- cleaning! And I love it. It's freeing and so fulfilling right now because I know that much like the sparrows, He is feeding me from His hands. I am so blessed.

(at the moment Kim Walker is screaming in the background how He loves us... seriously.)

How sweet is it to be loved by you, Lord!!!!!

So today, I was sitting on the balcony of a condo, waiting for the laundry to finish, and I was once again so overwhelmed with wonder. Then something else struck me-- guilt. I examined my life, how I'm living, where I'm living, all that I have... and I felt guilty. Like, God, why? Why am I here? There are people in this very town who are stressed out and struggling for money, and here I am chillaxing in a resort, enjoying the cool breeze and sunshine?!

It's really hard sometimes to accept gifts from people. Even from God. And He reminded me of my faithfulness. And that He rewards obedient children. It's just His nature & His order.

Which brings me to today's entry from Oswald Chamber's, My Utmost for His Highest.

The last couple of days God has used these words to bring such peace to my heart. Here's some from today:

"Always distinguish between God's order and His permissive will, i.e., His providential purpose towards us.

God's order is unchangeable; His permissive will is that with which we must wrestle before Him. It is our reaction to the permissive will of God that enables us to get at His order.

'All things work together for good to them that love God' - to those who remain true to God's order, to His calling in Christ Jesus. God's permissive will is the means whereby His sons and daughters are to be manifested. We are not to be like jelly-fish saying, "It's the Lord's will." We have not to put up a fight before God, not to wrestle with God, but to wrestle before God with things. Beware of squatting lazily before God instead of putting up a glorious fight so that you may lay hold of His strength."

For me, that is immense relief! We are not called to wrestle with God, but to wrestle before God, in humility and surrender, with the things in our lives. Uncertainty, job opportunities, school, ministry, relationships. These are all vital to our livelihood, and therefore is vital to our relationship with Jesus. One directly affects the other.

Through the wrestling, we take on His strength and ability, and we learn. We learn what we can and cannot do, and we learn how much He really is above everything and in everything.

It's like the whole conflict thing in my last blog... life is truly about struggle, because without the struggle, we would and could do it on our own. And that's never been His intent.

So, if you find yourself in a position much like me, accept the fact that you will always have a battle, and rejoice in the fact that the battle has a worthy cause; and that is the building of your faith, trust, and dependence on your Love. It's also preparing you to be placed in the center of His will, and to bring your heart & mind into His order, not your own. Discipline is the life of a disciple, my friends! And I'm still learning so much myself. I always will be.

Don't forget: Visit www.mycharitywater.org/candicemae and donate to my Christmas well! Here are a few of my favorite pics from their field work...