My Dangerous Lover

Seriously, everyone needs to read The Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I will even buy it for you- it's completely ruining me, and I pray that it would ruin us all.

Here's a preview for you:

(speaking about the fear of God) "On one hand, the shuddering is like that of new lovers- giddy, obsessed, infatuated. Any portrait of or story about our new lover that we can get our hands on, we cling to. Whenever someone metions his or her name, our eyes twinkle and our hearts jump- that kind of shudder. Jesus, the one I long to fall asleep cuddling with, run off into the woods with, live and die with... my lover.

On the other hand, it is a shiver of awestruck wonder. I have no idea what's going to happen next, just throw my hands into the air and hold on, like riding a good roller coaster. Have you ever seen the Lion King? It's like the part where the hyenas are talking about Mufasa, and one of them says his name and they all shake and say, "oooh! say it again... Mufasa...oohh!" That kind of shutter. "Jesus..ohhh! say it again!" Just the thought brings buterflies to my stomach. That's the Jesus I love. And that's the Jesus who scares me to death. There are plenty other options for living that will not get you jailed, mocked, or nailed to a cross. And there are much easier ways of being cool than by trying to follow Jesus.

..As French theologian Jacques Ellul once said, 'Christians should be troublemakers, creators of uncertainty, agents of a dimension incompatible with society.'

When I got home fron Iraq, a woman came up to me, pointed her finger in my face, and said, "How dare you be so careless with your life and put your mother through all that? Jesus would be shaking His finger in your face, saying 'How dare you be so reckless?'" I listened silently, wondering what Jesus she was talking about. The Jesus who died on a Roman cross and invited his disciples to do the same? The Jesus who taught his disciples that if they wanted to find their lives, they should lose them? (And most of them did, perhaps leaving behind angry parents.) For centuries, Christians have been jailed, beaten, and executed for preaching that Jesus. How was I to tell this lovely lady that Jesus was actually the one responsible for my traveling to Iraq in the heat of the bombing, not a decision that I would rationally make, even on my worst days?"

"All around you people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safetly. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe."

Monday. A good day.

So we've decided that on Mondays, here in our quaint, stuffy, cluttery office, we are going to take time to listen to some online sermons and let ourselves be refreshed and encouraged. I guess I never imagined that happening- working at a church and having to do all the "spiritual feeding" and not receiving much myself. In short, this new Monday tradition is much needed and appreciated.
Craig Groeschel, an amazing pastor from Tulsa, said this blessing in one of his sermons and it definitely caught my attention:

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.
And the Blessing of God, who Creates, Redeems and Sanctifies, be upon you and all you love and pray for this day, and forever more. Amen.

I want that so much. I want to begin to hate the superficial masks I use when I don't feel like giving my heart out. I want to be angry at how people are treated in our world today. I want to weep and mourn and fast for those who see no hope for their future. And I want that foolishness that only those who are so in love and sold out for Jesus Christ have... the belief that I can change my world, my family, myself for the better and that I can totally destroy this box that people have put God into.

I could go on and on for days, maybe even years, about how the Gospel most of us claim to live by is not about dressing nice for Sunday mornings, or just paying 10 percent of our income to the church. This Gospel is alive and active and it is working on the behalf of those who do not have, who do not know, the man named Jesus whom we've grown accustomed to all these years. I want faith AND deeds. I want miracles, signs, wonders. I want to see pride broken, hearts mended, minds restored.

I want to see God move on behalf of His people. And I know it will happen. Not only that, but I know it is happening. And for that I am honored to be called to this Gospel-living, Bible-thumping, so-called "religious" way of life. No matter what misconceptions people have of God or His Son, they will know Him when they see us. Doesn't that propel you to live a life worthy of your calling? I pray that it does.

Just to let you know...

I bathed my dog outside today in a t-shirt and shorts. And I'm VERY bitter to be in hot, sticky South Alabama in December.
Still, I'm thanking the wonderful loving good Lord for all I have and all I am able to give this Christmas. He never ceases to amaze me. Even if it all fails and I am left with only Him, I pray that I could love and trust Him more than I do now. I love Him. We can never pay Him back for the gift He gave. Instead, He invites us to join Him in this beautiful frienship and romance called life. I hope and pray that you are able to feel His joy and His heart for you.

Merry Christmas!

My Calcutta

Man, I'm just a bloggin' fool here lately! Well I MUST share something that has profoundly impacted my life, and I just read it this morning. In this book, The Irresistible Revolution, Shane (author) writes about his search for a real Christian. He finally narrowed it down to Mother Teresa, who was still alive at the time. Shane journeyed to Calcutta, India, to observe her work and perhaps for the first time encounter the reality of the gospel.

The story is inspiring, and makes me heart ache for all those whom I was blessed to meet in India, but that's not what profoundly spoke to me. Mother Teresa made the statement, "Calcutta's are everywhere, if only we have eyes to see. Find your Calcutta."

BAM!

It's like fireworks went off in my spirit! There is destitution and poverty and desperation even amidst the wealthy and materially rich people of this nation, and of my community. Wow. How eye-opening is that?! Maybe I'm just super excited because after reading all these books about selling all your posessions, and living with the homeless, and pioneering ministries overseas, it was a blow to me that this is my Calcutta. Here. Here in this free nation where we can get pretty much anything we want.... this is my Calcutta. He and I can bring freedom to the captives here. Peace to the lost and hopeless and those who cannot afford their next house payment. These are my lepers. These are my wandering sheep.

These children who have no sense of thankfulness or gratitude for the many things they have- they are my orphans. Girls that keep moving from boy to boy, relationship to relationship, all the while staying ignorant to the heart and passion of their Lord- these are my widows.

There is so much here to see and to change. Why only think that it's in India or in Uganda? It's HERE.

I knew I was getting into something deep when the description of the book read, "this brings comfort to the disturbed, and disturbs the comfortable."

Now that's the kind of Gospel I want to live by.

Money, Love, Giving, Faithfulness.

I was thinking the other night about how much we have done here lately... everything from Operation Christmas Child to serving hot chocolate at Walmart at 5 am on Black Friday, and going to Build-a-Bear and spending so that others may have a cute, cuddly (and fashionable) bear for Christmas.
We have been blessed with many different activities to get involved and serve and GIVE BIG :) but what I'm hoping is that this doesn't just happen between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I want this to be my life.
In the book I just finished about the Kingdom of God, Rick challenges his readers to be aware of how they spend their money. Not just what they buy or how much they buy, but to really pray and use discernment. It is now branded into my mind and my spirit to ask this question: "How is this dollar showing love to those less fortunate?"
Often, I have to change my mind because I'm not spending for others. I'm choosing to fix a certain caffeine addiction at Starbucks, or a certain insecurity to have super cute clothes (which I have enough of already!)
I just want to be a giver. Really. I want to be faithful in my finances- to God and to His precious people. I know there's a "balance", but it has always been a strong conviction of mine. There's so many people who need what I have so much of.
I've begun a new book, ha ha, and I have a feeling its going to ruin me even more. Maybe so much so that I sell all of my clothes and shoes and hand the money to people that need it. But why don't I do that anyway?


Jesus, make me wholly devoted to You.
Use the resources you've entrusted me with
to bring glory to Your name and reputation.
Let me invest strongly and bodly into Your kingdom.
I want to help, I want to give, I want to welcome a new world.
Amen. So be it.

Secret Blessings

Do you ever think about how much of life just passes you by? How much you miss when you are too busy focusing on your own life & agenda, and not on the miracles God is performing all around you?

I'm pondering that today...

I was holding a little girl after Allies at the elementary school, and just staring at her precious little face, and taking in her laughter- it blew me away. She is such a beautiful image of Jesus.

And then I noticed the wind fiercely blowing the trees as I was driving down the road, and saw for a second how even they worship our King.

There is a tree down my street that has turned this striking red orange color, and amidst the gray skies and rainy day, its color shone the brightest I've ever seen it. It makes me realize that He is ever present, even when things around me are dull and dying.

Next time you are in the mountains, or at the beach, or in the school, even at your job- make the choice to seek out God's face in this place we live in. Ask Him to open your eyes to the things unseen. Learn about what God's Kingdom is all about, and how it can show up in the most surprising and secretive ways in your life.

"No eye has fully seen, how beautiful the cross. And we have only heard, the faintest whispers of how great You are..."

A harsh yet beautiful reality

I just started a new book, This Beautiful Mess, by Pastor Rick Mckinley (Donald Miller's pastor!). So far, it is absolutely wonderful. It's all about the kingdom of God and how it is living and moving all around us and that it is messy, but that's what makes it beautiful. I am only about 50 pages in, but it has already brought much clarity and encouragement to me.

There was a sentence that struck me so hard, because it has been something I have learned, but am still struggling with and will probably always struggle with. He says, "Following Jesus isn't about us; it's about Him. I can't embrace the kingdom when my arms are full of me."


Yep. I'm selfish. I want my days off. I want time to myself. I want, I want, I want.
I was driving home one day after a really, really busy and intense day full of exhausting ministry. I started complaining to God. "Why do you have me here? I feel like all I do is work. I'm so tired. God, why can't I be back in Denver?" Blah blah blah...
And then the strong conviction came and brought me to tears. Very plainly I felt the Holy Spirit say to me "This isn't your life."
Now I know that sounds harsh, but it was definitely what I needed to hear. This isn't about me- never has been, never will be.

Colleene and I often talk about how hard it is to be here sometimes. But the conversation always ends in, "This is ministry. This is God's work." Gah, it's such a good reminder! There's a verse in Corinthians that tells us everything we have comes from God. Everything. And Paul makes the point that we have no authority to boast in ourselves, for without Him we would be nothing.

So that's where I am right now. Pondering what a life would be like if truly lived in and through and from Jesus. I want to know that kind of life. I trust that I will have times to rest and relax because Jesus did that himself. But a life that is so deeply rooted in Love, and not just the idea of love, but the Person of love. I want it. I want Him. All of Him. And I want to be used up so that the only thing that satisfies me is His Spirit. And I want to be desperate for Him.








"It is a historical scene that captures my heart: God in the flesh breaking into their world with healing spiritual authority and simple yet profound words, 'The kingdom of God is near,' He said. 'The kingdom of God is within you.'"

A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes

I confess that I am a Dreamer. Totally. There's so much I feel like God is stirring in my heart, all the time. And I don't think it's a bad thing. OK, so maybe some of my dreams are a little out there. Moving to Greece probably isn't the most realistic one, but I don't like to put a limit on what God has in mind for me :)

I often find myself thinking about the future. I know it's a normal thing that most people do (hopefully) but I tend to stay in that mindset A LOT. It's difficult to stay in today, to stay in this moment, right now.
So, I'm asking Him to help me.
Help me get the most out of this time that I possibly can. Help me to see the things that only He sees. Help me to treasure these relationships here.
The more I live, the more I realize that I could never go a day without Him. Hope literally keeps me alive. Hope that there's more out there for me to do, see, experience. Hope that He is always here with me.
Dreams are nothing without hope. Hope is nothing without Someone to hope in, because we know this world surely will let us down.

So I leave you with this...



"No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
A dream that you wish
Will Come True."

-Cinderella-

I was given a gift today...

2 o'clock this afternoon. I was doing laundry and walked outside and heard a very strange noise coming from the canal. So I walk down to the water, and it's a dolphin!!! I love dolphins; I think they are so beautiful and smart. It was like a little present for me on my day off. I loved it! Thanks, God :)

We had our infamous Trunk or Treat last night at the church. I think a couple thousand people showed up, which is surprising because we did not advertise like usual. There is a major blessing behind that, too...
We bought about 6 FULL buggies of candy from Target on Tuesday and ended up taking all of it back on Tuesday night. Pastor Laura had contacted our local Food Bank and they had over 1,000 lbs of candy they were willing to give us for only a couple hundred dollars. WOAH. Like we always say down here, "Ain't that just like the Lord?!?"
He definitely came through for us financially. With the economy being the way it is, some people just didn't have the money to sponsor this event. But, we were trusting and knew that it was going to happen one way or another. And it did!! It was a blast, too. Not as big and grand as the years past, but I still believe that our community was blessed.

We are starting a series this Sunday in Children's Church called "Give Big". Pastor Rick, our senior pastor, wanted November/December to be months that are all about giving. So while he is challenging the adults to give willingly, cheerfully, and obediently, we will be challenging our kids to do the same. We believe that giving our time, our talents, and our testimony is just as important as the amount of money we can give. So we will be serving our community in some creative ways!
Pray for us as we equip our church family and teach them about the blessings and fulfillment that come when you place God as number 1- totally in-charge of not just your finances, but your life!

Another thing we have going on, to add to the list (ha!) is Allies. It's an afterschool Bible club that we are able to do at our Elementary, Middle, and High School campuses. Of course, our department only goes to our 2 local Elem. schools, each on a different day, every week. It's pretty much our favorite thing. We get to spend time with kids who go to different churches in our area, and we also get to minister to children who are not involved in church. It is such a great opportunity God has given us. Will you continue to lift us up in prayer- we would like to begin this club at another school in our county, but with just Pastor Colleene and I, it's too much to handle. We need volunteers!! And that there would be PEACE. We've had to get majorly organized, which we are learning to be good at, and we just want this to not be a burden on our school system. Praise God that we have amazing principals and teachers that allow it to be done!

Thanks everyone. I'll update again in the next week or so!

My Happy Place...

A star-filled sky on a crisp cool night.
I went on my healthy yet guilt-driven walk/run last night. Man oh man, was it beautiful. After jogging around a loop in an undeveloped subdivision down the street, I just layed on the asphalt and marveled at the night.
The stars were standing out- shimmering and twinkling so brilliantly. The toads were singing, um croaking, their sweet melodies in the tall grass around me. I was stilled by the awe of it all and quite mesmerized. The peace. The freedom. The wildness and wonder of nature and creation.
It reminded me of a certain part in The Shack (that horribly controversial book that has absolutely changed, no improved, the way I see God).

" 'But enough of that for now. Let's get lost again in the starry night.' In the silence that followed, Mack simply lay still allowing the immensity of space and scattered light to dwarf him, letting his perceptions be captured by starlight and the thought that everything was about him, about the human race, that all of this was all for us. After what seemed like a long time, it was Jesus who broke into the quiet. 'I'll never get tired of looking at this. The wonder of it all- the wastefulness of creation, as one of our brothers has called it. So elegant, so full of longing and beauty even now.'
'You know,' Mack responded, suddenly struck by the absurdity of the situation; where he was, the person next to him. 'Sometimes you sound so, I mean, here I am lying next to God Almighty and you really sound so...'
'Human?' Jesus offered. 'But ugly.'
And with that He began to chuckle, quietly and restrained at first, but after a couple of snorts, laughter simply started tumbling out. It was infectious and Mack found himself swept along from somewhere deep inside. He had not laughed from down there in a long time. Jesus reached over and hugged him, shaking from His own spasms of mirth, and Mack felt more clean and alive and well since...well he couldn't remember since when."

I'm gonna need help...

...decorating this blog. Kailey- you will have to show me how over Starbucks one day. Ha!
So this is my first blog. To those of you who are curious enough to read about my life- I am grateful! I think its a pretty awesome life, full of God and His rich blessings and adventures. Though right now I'm not in some random country, there is still A LOT happening here in this small beach town of Alabama. It sure is sweet to be home. But... I am preparing to hear from God on where I am going next! It's exciting and frustrating all at the same time. I have learned so much in these last 6 months; learned what it means to seriously "wait on the Lord", learned how to let go and start all over again, learned how to have peace and joy in absolutely crazy situations, and learned how to open up and love children who push my patience in ways I've never before experienced and yet have won my heart with their amazing faith and tangible relationship with God. They inspire me SO much and I love them. Of course I wouldn't even be here if my dear friend and mentor, Colleene, had not shown such interest in having me join this team of incredible leaders.

The very cool thing about this job is that one of my teachers from YWAM prophesied over me and told me that I would be working with children very soon! There were other specifics in that word, and all of it is beginning to fall into place, thank the Lord. I love His timing- no matter how painful and discouraging the process is to get there. He is good ALL THE TIME!

Well I hope this is a nice little intro for you. I will write when I have time and when I have words to convey what I'm seeing, feeling, and learning day by day.