nEw

all that I can do

is give it back to You

You've taken my old skin

& made it new again.

all that I can do is give it back to You...

You have made me new.

A new creation.

Why is it that I so often forget who I am?

I need to listen so much more.

Last night we were reminded of this; of the truth that we are not just what we do. And seeking God's will is not just about what we need to do, it's about who we are.

What both disturbs me and brings me comfort is the mystery of my faith. Verses like, "set your minds on what is above not what is on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden in God," and, "you took off the former way of life, you are being renewed in the spirit... you put on the new man, the one created according to God's likeness," don't really make sense.

But then it happens to you.

There is life in His words; His words are meant to speak into our life experience.

I have experienced many little deaths and also felt the brightness of new life. There is an understanding that comes with this life for Life trade that helps me to see, not with vision but with faith, that there is nothing better than becoming the pencil in the hand of a writing God, used to bring the reality of His story to earth, through my little life. I sometimes feel the ache and growing pains of letting go of what I know, of opening my hands to drop my control and hold tightly to trust.

Life is hard. Life in God can be harder.

And yet...

I have been given all that I need. I have the power to love and forgive and have joy in the midst of pain.

I have hope despite the worries and troubles in our world.

I have acceptance, whether I am surrounded by friends or alone.

I have peace even when there is war.

I have steadfastness even when I want to give up.

I have blessings though I may be poor.

I have strength, especially when I'm weak.

I have confidence because it is He who lives within me

and it is He who has overcome.

I have life even in my death.

I had Pandora on the other day and a song came on that always makes my heart sink. I don't know if I'll ever get over the emotion brought up with this music, the memory of this precious woman. I am amazed, though, at how near to us He is in our grief; how great He Himself felt and feels grief. But oh what joy awaits us. I feel like I am more keenly aware of death recently, and I am grateful that there is no fear. It would be nice to avoid the pain that often comes in dying, but both a physical death and daily death to self are richly rewarded. This in and of itself is a great mystery... and there are many questions. But my heart holds to hope. This is not all there is. We already know how this will end.

"Now when this corruptible is clothed with incorruptibility

and the mortal with immortality

then the saying that is written will take place:

Death has been swallowed up in victory

O Death, where is your victory?

O Death, where is your sting?

For the trumpet will sound

and the dead will be raised

and we will be changed."

1 Cor.15