Richer for the find

Many of you know, either by personal experience or by me telling you, about one of the greatest treasures in Foley, Alabama. The $5 Christian Bookstore!! Each time I venture there, I have at least 5 books in my arms in the first 5 minutes. I questioned my motives the other day, wondering why I long to read so much but have yet to couple my Christian book-reading with the Word of God. I accept that conviction, and plan to change that from now on, but also felt justified in my desire to learn more about specific things that the Bible doesn't expound upon. Some will say that because it is not thoroughly talked about, it shouldn't be, but with certain subjects I must disagree. This blog is about one of those subjects.

Read my blogs from a month or so ago and you'll find several entries about Mother Teresa. I found a very special book about her life in my beloved bookstore, and was so much richer for the find. In reading her letters and personal writings, she spoke very regularly & seriously about a practice of her faith: vow-making. This intrigued me. I was learning this woman's heart, longing for such desperation and deliberate love, and this concept kept haunting me. Not surprisingly, on my next visit to my bookstore, there was a book that caught my eye and made my heart skip a beat. The Vow, How a Forgotten Ancient Practice Can Transform Your Life. It stuck out like a sore thumb from its surroundings. I practically lunged for it. Could it be that He wanted me to learn more and possibly even make this a part of my life with Him? I was a little bit nervous.

The book sat on my shelf for weeks. I wasn't finished with Mother Teresa's, so I put off starting another one until I was. Well, the other night I felt the urge to pick it up. I wasn't too tired, and to be honest wasn't expecting too much, so I decided to read the first chapter before bed. WOAH. God's timing is impeccable. I can't even explain (I kind of have through my last year of blogging!) what all He has done in me. Ywam transformed my life, but not in the way that He has the past two years. My love for Him has become so singularly focussed-- my heart not wanting to go anywhere unless He is right there with me, my mind choosing to seek and trust Him when it seems so irrational. And this book is taking me deeper still. Let me share it with you:

"I want to love God more than I do. I want to love God enough to be willing to do what saints who have gone before me have done: to be willing to give all my possessions to the poor and follow Jesus; to be stoned, or sawn in two, or slain by the sword; to be willing to wander about in sheepskins and goatskins; to be destitute, afflicted, tormented; to be willing to go to a foreign country and live among the poorest of the poor like Mother Teresa; and so on. God hasn't asked me to do such things, but I want to be at a place in my soul where He knows (and I know) that if He should, there would be a resounding yes in me. I'm not talking about ordinary faith here. Nor am I talking about something that is required. I'm talking about loving God in unnecessary, unrequired ways... there is plenty of room for believers to love God extra-- room for us to be caught up in an infatuation with the holy."

"Vows are evidence of a desire to follow Jesus without reservation. They are choices that eliminate others-- pre-decisions that symbolize the direction that will ground one's entire life. And they open the door to divine adventure."

"Vows can vary in duration from a single afternoon to a particular season to one's entire lifetime. All in all, vows help us to intentionally embrace anything we feel the Holy Spirit may be nudging us toward in view of bringing God's kingdom to bear in our world."

"This whole writing is for those of us who do less well, who have unimpressive powers-- hardly super-- yet still want to change the world. I want to give us permission to stop with the gaudy costumes and fake accents and to start living authentic lives."

"In vowing, faith becomes more than a vague feeling of loving God and desiring to help people. Though we still participate in general responsibilities of the Christian faith common to all believers, vowing helps us to intentionally love God the way we want to love Him... vows serve as a kind of love language between just God and us."

That is only from the first couple chapters. I will probably blog more about it as I read. I'm actually still a little freaked out by it, probably because of my ignorance. I am excited, however, to embark on a new journey of the heart. It really has been my desire for the last while to love God more, especially in ways that are unique to how He has made me. I think about M. Teresa's lifetime vow that she took which was to "deny Him nothing." That vow enveloped every area of her life. I have no idea what I could offer Him. But that is part of it-- that we do nothing apart from Him. He'll show me the way.

"Give me the courage

to withhold nothing from You

worthy of a lesson.

Your Word as my text,

each circumstance Your pen,

my heart as Your page."