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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

the sound of a heartbeat.

Sometimes I wish you could see straight into my heart. Sometimes I don't, because there is still a lot of ugly stuff in there. But tonight... I really wish you could. I wish I could. I wish I could push past this mind and everything that these earthly eyes prohibit me from seeing. When I feel the way I feel right now, I want to see what it looks like. I want to see the brightness of my spirit as it is filled once again with love and joy and grace. Maybe it's like how Mack sees in the book The Shack-- all of creation so alive and colorful and beautiful, bursting with the glory of God, shining like the dawn. It's so wonderful when my lonely, thirsty heart meets my loving, all-sufficient Father. What a beautiful exchange.

Tonight, words will have to suffice, I suppose. Through this book, The Vow, I'm being reminded of the wonder of my First Love. With favorite truths of mine like, "In Him we live and move and have our being," and "Delight yourself in the Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart," I am reminded of the mysterious, amazing experiences of having Him transform the very depths of me throughout this lifetime of mine. I'm getting a little nostalgic here, but I'm a very sentimental person, especially in the ways of God. I have been thinking a lot lately about these profound encounters with Him... how my life is in a constant whirlwind of change and pattern of growth. In the sweet words of Mother Teresa, "Beautiful are the ways of God if we allow Him to use us as He wants." May we each continue on this journey with that as our daily prayer: take this life & let it be fully pleasing unto Thee.

Love. It's been the biggest challenge of my life as of yet, and will continue to be, I am sure. In a culture so obsessed with romantic love, it's easy to forget what real love is. Unless you know Him. I feel like I'm constantly smacked back into reality. Love is messy. Really messy. Love is so selfless. Love is basically everything I am not. This chapter is about love and the divine connection between marriage and our individual relationship with God. There are several main reasons the author lists for how these two worlds of love are united, and intermixed is the practice of vows: (I'm going to skip the quotation marks-- most of this is from the book.)

1. Vows speak of exclusivity. Romantic love is exclusive love. Only two should be in on this. In the same way, God says, You shall have no other gods. He wants to be ours & wants us to be His. He's a fiercely jealous lover. In vowing to Him, we put action to the idea that we are going to live in a way that expresses we belong to God alone.

2. Vows are a kind of flirting. Flirting is all about the chase. A man named Francis Thompson referred to God as the "Holy Hound of Heaven"-- God's love being similar to that of a bloodhound, tracking us down into the corridors of our lives to capture us with His relentless love. God chases us, and He shows no pause or caution in it. Think of all the times in your life when something happened or was said and it just seemed too coincidental-- you suspected that God was in it. Those moments are like winks from God to us. He flirts. I think vow-making is one of the ways we can chase God in return. What if we changed our perspective on spiritual disciplines and commands from doing them because He says so to actually pursuing His heart? From fasting to praying to daily times spent in His Word, we can start seeing these as opportunities to receive His love and give Him love in return. Personally, I love turning normal everyday things into gifts from God. It really adds beauty and poetry to your life. For example, when I take my dog out to pee (very mundane thing to do) I like to stop and stare at the water, thanking Him for this day and everything He has given me. Sometimes a dolphin will swim by and I think, Oh how He delights in me! Even a thing so simple as that brings me so much joy when I accept it as more than a coincidence. He is passionately and fervently after my heart. And I want to be just as much after His.

3. Vows foster passion. In marriage, the man and the woman both want to be adored, to have someone long for them with "blazing fire". Fire is a great metaphor because it is both fascinating and dangerous. Just sit by a blazing campfire and try to look elsewhere-- it is too fascinating to ignore. Fire is also dangerous because it consumes and control what it possesses. Passion does that, too. The fire that burns in romantic love is a reflection of the kind of passion we need to cultivate in our relationship with God. He certainly is passionate about us. He was passionate enough to go to a Cross. He was consumed by His love for us. We should be on fire for Him.

4. Vows create anticipation. God anticipates our presence. He is always present. He is ready to engage. He waits for us to answer. Vows anticipate God's touch-- we wait on Him to speak into our lives and our world. "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." It takes patience because we have to work through distractions. Distraction is normal, but must be overcome. Turn from it to look for God; this is spiritual purification. It is letting go and unloading anything that distracts you from your Lover. We are the ones who must make room for God.

5. Vows bring us together. Our worship to God often gets very physical-- sometimes we kneel, fall face down, lift our hands, cover our faces, lift our voices in song, or utter prayers. We are reaching out to touch Him. We love Him. At some point, you come to a place where you can feel Him touching back. You are aware of His real presence. You feel Him. Sometimes you feel Him whisper, but often there are no words. His presence seems to deeply impact you in a moment of intimacy. Just as a couple maritally vows into physical intimacy, we can vow to give ourselves completely to Him. We vow to know and be known. This is a place of union with God. Christianity is all about God creating new motivations within the human heart-- stirring us, giving us desire. Divine stirring produces in us a desire to engage with God. This is where our love for Him begins to move beyond intellect & our souls begin to share in divine life. We come together.

I hope this wasn't too much? I actually got a lot more from this when I read it the first time. I think I tend to take away from the specialness of some things when I blog about them. I just want everyone to know what I'm learning about! And I pray that in some way, shape, or form God is using my life-lessons to teach you, too. I am so very passionate about this subject. Call it consecration, sanctification, or pure insanity, whatever you wish, but I think this focus of heart towards God is missing from the Church. We're either too in-love with the world or too in-love with other people to realize that this amazing Person has more love and purpose and life for us than anything we could ever imagine. I never want to stray away from this conviction of mine to be His and His alone.


Thou and Thou only, first in my heart;
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art.

1 comment:

Brennen Gaddis said...

That is good... I think I would like that book.