follow me, follow me down

Will you take a few moments and read this post? Because she puts it beautifully. And because she's way more honest than I think I could ever be.
[ at least for now ]

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These are my words for life ::


people & their eccentricities -
Downtown Minneapolis is ideal for watching people move at their own paces, to their own secret rhythms. I noticed two extremes across the street from me: an older gentlemen in white shorts and a crisp polo, casually enjoying a smoke outside of a classy building, and then waltzing past him, paired with an unusual walking stick, went a purple-haired man. I watched the two - watched polo guy glance purple-haired guy over a few times, then glance back again after he had passed. I couldn't help but wonder to myself... maybe polo guy sensed that purple-haired guy somehow had more than him, even if his exterior seemed to prove a lack thereof. Maybe, just maybe, polo guy thought to himself...
 he's more free than I'll ever be.

So goes my mindful wanderings regarding the monetarily rich and poor of our world. I continue to believe that those who seem to have less really have more. And they have so much to teach me. I must continually remind myself that people are people, like me, like you - whether they are holding a sign on the side of the road, or walking beside me on their daily commute to work.


feathered faith -
a few weeks ago, I, in a moment of profound empathy and spirit-nudging, texted a dear friend and told him to be on the lookout: there are whispers and signs of our Lover everywhere. And to specifically pay attention to feathers - he's leaving some behind for you.
Well, maybe, just maybe, that word was more for myself. I have spotted his feathers everywhere - stepping off the bus, walking downtown, in my backyard, at the lake. These are burning heart moments for me, when I remember my words to my friend, when my soul sparks with surprise at His thoughts toward me, too - my precious reminders of his love, reminders to rest under the shadow of his wings.
(psalm17:8)


hiding and fighting -
some days, this war within me is more than I can overlook and ignore, which I'm learning to be thankful for. The struggle toward authenticity will be ever before all of us. I guess it just depends on whether we want to keep going or whether we want to sit down and decide that we've come far enough. Sometimes I do that - just sit and refuse to move. Sometimes that's okay, because I probably have much to think through, much that I haven't let myself feel, and that kind of sitting can be transformational. But sometimes, I am fighting to be the center of my world, fighting for recognition, fighting for peace (total oxymoron), and fighting to remain right where I am so that I can be seen, heard, and validated.

I'm realizing that healing a heart is a long, committed process. I'm realizing that tears can be like a river that forces me out of my tightly held position - tears and pain and floods of emotion can help me to see the truth of myself, and more-so, the truth of these hurts and mistakes and bitter memories that I'm still holding onto.

Just let it flow in and around and over and out of me.

Let go like a confession, see what you were born to find... 

( Elenowen: Flying for the First Time )



holding close -
I'm going to marry the bravest man I know. We're learning so much about the other - two very separate souls longing to somehow merge ourselves together, hoping for a greater understanding of love and wholeness that we've never known on our own. Though we, in our very individual ways, still sometimes long for independence and a lack of accountability, we're discovering the beauty and enormity of this journey. A journey with enormous challenges and an unending supply of opportunities to be good to each other - living a life of goodness that mirrors the gracious, unconditional goodness our Abba displays towards us.
We are conditional, however.
And we are limited in our love.
And we are needy in our uniqueness.
But we're seeing, even now, even after so little time (in comparison to a hopefully long lifetime together) we change our tones more quickly, and we apologize much more often. We want to be consistent: taking in forgiveness and pushing out our selfish motivation.
I want to hold him closer, reminding myself that I am worthy of his love, marveling at the strength of his heart, the depth of his questions, and the wonder of his creativity.
I'm so grateful that we are not only attempting to merge our lives, but we're intentionally creating this unified life - pursuing passion, admiring adventure, seeking treasures in ourselves and for our future home, laughing and crying, ebbing and flowing.

Oh, what our future holds...

Hope.