begin again

I need to restart.

& most gratefully, I will accept His new mercies for me today.

I am realizing a lack of creativity in my life. Lack of motivation. Lack of being true to myself and who I am called to be. Lack of love for others, and love for myself.

I have a passion for learning and exploration, of giving of myself and serving more than receiving.

These things haven't been happening much.

Change needs to occur. Ideas need to be formulated. Vision sparked and goals determined.

I've lately been more tense and controlling than I prefer. Kip's area of employment has not allowed for much planning, and often postponed plans that were made, which if you know anything about me, is the exact opposite of my personality. I get pleasure and purpose from making a plan and sticking to it. It's been a tough couple of months... resulting in frustration with situations that are completely out of my control, and depression because the one I want to spend time with the most is mostly not here.

I have to constantly adjust my attitude about life and ask, "are you really willing to grow, no matter what the cost or how uncomfortable it makes you?"

Fortunately the growing processes of life will never cease, if I remain open to them. It's just always harder than I imagined! [or prepared for]

But there is good news: his last day is THIS WEEK. Along with cold weather will also come freer schedules and more time together. mmmmmmm.

So, here in my thinking space, I'm going to imagine what can make our relationship lighter, fuller, more "us."

I am somewhat [haha] of a realist which seems to keep me grounded in a good way. Relationships are hard, no matter what kind they are or who they are shared with. Communication is key-- more than I wish it was. And physical separation is difficult-- whether it's being too close or being too far.

I'd like to hope that imagination and creativity, paired with more understanding/adjusting of how we desire to share/receive love, and a little [or huge] side of fruit [self-control fruit, that is] will keep us centered and well-balanced and much, much happier people.

Here are some extra thoughts on how we could begin again:

• taking turns to plan dates-- learning and keeping in mind what the other enjoys most
• cheerfully allowing for bro time and babe time with others
• intentionally pursuing time with couples who are inspirational and wise [and fun!]
• firmly and respectfully maintaining healthy boundaries
• creating together. [Stumbleupon has some great art ideas!]
• engaging in meaningful & deep conversations often, as well as taking time to talk about silly things. Maybe even using weird accents.
• grace, grace, grace.
• Patience, patience, patience.
• asking the hard questions and being willing to give honest answers
• praying for & encouraging each other
• practicing selflessness
• trying new things
• pursuing ways to be involved in this place at this time

Any advice from you out there would be appreciated as well. :)

May our gracious God continually teach us how to live by His will,

to live in love.

And to fervently pursue His heart

for He is relentlessly pursuing ours.