Helen's story

Dr. Helen Roseveare. This woman amazes me. Maybe those shouldn't be the words used, but really, people like this captivate me and encourage me and challenge me beyond explanation. I want you to listen to her story.

What a precious woman. An inspiration. I will hopefully be getting at least one of her books soon-- I feel like there is so much I can learn from her. Her story is filled with many things: devotion to her Jesus, selfless love for people, grief, suffering, sacrifice. In her words, "the other side of the word sacrifice is privilege." She considered it such a privilege to be trusted with His work on earth, no matter what that cost her. It seems like Christians like her are few and far between these days.

She mentions this hymn in the interview, so naturally I had to know what the whole thing says. It's quite lovely. And scary words to say to Him, if you truly mean them. I want to mean them with everything in me. Still, fear seems to lurk in my heart. But as I've heard many times in the last couple months...

"If you're afraid, then do it afraid. It doesn't matter, just do something."

:) God is with us.

Stir Me

Stir me, O stir me, Lord, I care not how,

But stir my heart in passion for the world!

Stir me to give, to go, but most to pray;

Stir, till the blood-red banner be unfurled

Over lands that still in heathen darkness lie,

Over deserts where no cross is lifted high.

Stir me, O stir me, Lord, till all my heart

Is filled with strong compassion for these souls;

Till thy compelling Word drives me to pray;

Till thy constraining Love reach to the poles

Far north and south, in burning, deep desire,

Till east and west are caught in love’s great fire.

Stir me, O stir me, Lord, Thy heart was stirred

By love’s intensest fire, till Thou didst give

Thine only Son, Thy best beloved ONE

Even to the dreadful cross, that I might live.

Stir me to give myself back to Thee

That Thou canst give Thyself again through me.

Stir me, O stir me, Lord, for I can see

Thy glorious triumph-day begin to break!

The dawn already gilds the eastern sky:

Church of Christ, arise!

Awake! Awake!

O stir us, Lord, as heralds of that day,

For night is past, our King is on His way!

Hallelujah

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost..."

Risen:

to get up after falling or being thrown down

to come into action/ existence

to become active in opposition or resistance

to increase in degree, intensity, or force

to return from the dead

Easter weekend is always an emotional time for me. It's a celebration, but it's also a sobering reminder that He gave it all, His life-- for this life. It makes me wonder what He gave up so much for... what am I doing, who am I to be worth so much? I am humbled by His obedience, His grace, His mercy... and I am exalted by His love. Truly, when you find yourself in Him, you realize that nothing else matters more.

I believe when we choose to devote ourselves to Him completely, we also experience a dying, a loss. And we also experience a rising of our true selves, of His purpose, of full life.

This is certainly a cause for a celebration! "I'm alive because Jesus lives."

I love this, from Brennan Manning:

"The Gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus meaningless unless we believe He lived, died, and rose again with one purpose in mind: to make brand new creations. Not to make people with better morals, but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers-- men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within; who would live in greater fidelity to the word of God; who would enter into the very Center of it all... the very heart and mystery of Christ; into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love.

This, my friends, is what it really means to be a Christian."

So this weekend, remember His sacrifice & rejoice in His promise. And...

"Tell him or her about those moments when you are alone with God and you just smile to yourself, because He is alive in you."

Sin is broken, You have saved me.

It is written: Christ is risen.

:) my soul sings Hallelujah.

feeling list-y

I've realized that I don't like lists that much, unless it's a very short one that I can accomplish in a few hours. It seems like writing things down-- dreams, goals, hopes-- means that I'm already committing to them in some way. Does anyone else share in my freakish fear??

So I'm stepping out of my box of avoiding goal-oriented lists, and I'm going to share some things I would like to do in the next years, however long. But don't you dare hold me to them. I can confidently promise that some of them will change. Probably soon. :)

1. Live & serve somewhere overseas. Maybe for a year. Maybe longer.
2. Have a place to call home other than my home that I grew up in.
3. Adopt a child. Or 5. Or 500.
4. Continue to meet & connect with crazy people doing crazy things and help them however I can.
5. Stop biting my nails. [it's harder than you think!]
6. Learn how to sew/alter clothes & be super thrifty while looking cute and original
7. Travel to Rwanda with Land of a Thousand Hills & see how coffee farms are involved in reconciling a nation.
8. Be completely fluent in at least one other language.
9. Develop deeper, more honest friendships
10. Rock a pixie haircut
11. Be a conscious, responsible consumer (betterworldshopper.com-- check it out!)
12. Learn how to trust God completely, with much or with little, in all circumstances
13. Find one passion to focus on and fully commit myself to it for a while
14. Love one man, forever, whole-heartedly, openly, freely; and accept the love he has for me.
15. Be comfortable speaking in front of crowds
16. Have the courage/ boldness to live a life that pleases Him, goes against the grain, isn't normal at all... :)
17. Be a passionate learner for the rest of my life.
18. Use my gifts and strengths for His glory & for the benefit of others
19. To actually enjoy exercising
20. Go to Greece

I might add to this later on... It's interesting what comes to mind when I sit and really think about it.

Isn't it amazing that I have the ability to dream with God, and can actually have HOPE that some of these things will happen? My heart is burdened by the majority of our world who have little or no hope for their lives, who are just existing. I want to seek these people out! Oh, how much there is to do, how much life there is to enjoy, how wonderful is our God!

In the midst of it all, He is faithful. I want the world to know that, really & truly.

He is faithful and He loves us. What life-changing truths.

What would be on your list?? I've heard this question twice over the past couple months:

"If you could do anything for God and not fail, what would it be?"

I'm still thinking about my answer ....

here with me

If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.

--Oswald Chambers

"You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing."

We have all got choices to make. And this one is mine: even now, here's my heart, God.

I have these times when I am so overwhelmed with discontentment-- of where I am, who I am. Today I was at work and found myself fighting this feeling again. What am I doing here? Why am I not somewhere like Africa helping the sick, feeding children, caring for the forgotten? I'm letting myself get annoyed at things like my car and not having a cell phone when in all reality I know that these things should not be dictating my emotions, and definitely should not be important enough to make me mad. But they have been.

And then I let my mind wander to the blogs I read and the people I keep up with around the world and I wonder why I'm not there, too.

"it will happen in time."

"You are here for a reason."

"Enjoy this time with friends and family while you can."

All good things to say, but they don't help slay my desires. Every day it gets a little easier and a lot harder to be home. I know that doesn't make sense; my life is a contradiction.

The fact is: I want to love people. I can do that anywhere. But for some odd reason, everything within me wants to go to far away lands. Maybe because it's easier, or maybe because it's harder. I'm not going to try and intellectualize it, I'm just being honest. It's amazing being surrounded by familiar things, people who are very dear to my heart, to come home to a quiet non-threatening place.

But....

it's not me.

It's no longer what blesses this heart within me. His heart within me.

God has/ is breaking my heart. With each new crack, it's like it has happened for the first time. I feel their pain. And I hear Him calling. Be it empathy or compassion, I think it's just how He has made me. I can take no credit for it-- some days I actually want to give it back-- but mostly, I accept it as the beautiful purpose He has chosen for me.

I am reminded of some words my fellow YWAMers gave me before we left Denver. One precious friend came up to me during worship and told me it was ok to be torn, to feel broken, and that I shouldn't try to mend or fix what God has broken within me-- He will use me in my brokenness. And another encouragement was about contentment: the verse that says godliness with contentment is great gain. He had a picture of someone swimming laps-- the constant discipline and sameness over and over, but I'm training for something, and soon the boundaries will be removed and I will be released into the open water. SO encouraging right now!

Every day has its challenges. I do not have a hard life at all, at least not in the material way. But it is hard, beyond hard, to be confronted with issues and horrors and the realities of other peoples' lives and not know how helping them fits into your life. Or if it should "fit in" at all...

Oh Jesus give me grace.

And help me to see past my fears and the opinions & concerns of others.

Give me Your eyes.

"All that I am, I place into Your loving hands. I am Yours."

? life ?

"All of our stories are like burning bushes that are never consumed, never snuffed out, and are always revealing something glorious about God."

--Kimberly Smith

Think about this:

What is life made of? What is it all about?

I say, life is made up of experiences, stories-- happenings. Those stories, experiences, and happenings are mostly made up of people, relationships. So... life basically comes down to relationships. Who do we know? Who knows us?

I think about my stories and adventures so far & am warmly reminded of the many who have traveled with me, grown up beside me, befriended and nurtured me. Wow, what a blessing. So, so, so many wonderful relationships in my life. And out of those beautiful friendships, life has happened. Road trips have been taken. Many phone calls and skype sessions made, which have often been a source of prayer and encouragement about life decisions. Coffee dates, shopping trips, dinners, beach days... a huge portion of my life has been spent doing simple, day-to-day things with people that I love.

So why do I spend so much time and effort thinking of crazy BIG things all the time?

I do not think we should avoid dreaming big, praying big, hoping big. This is a major subject I feel like God is trying to draw out of me and develop-- how to not only trust Him for much, but truly believe and live in the truth that I was made for big things. I was created to change the world. I just think my views of changing the world are often much different than His.

Changing the world happens with one person. If you've helped change and influence one life for the better, you've done it!

I obviously want to do much more than that, and look forward to it, but just as much as He calls me out to the big & great, He also reminds me of the small & practical. It's about both. Both dreaming & doing now. Both hoping for the future & living in today. Both the million and the one.

A story about a man named Dominique challenged me so much. Brennan Manning wrote about him and said, "His simple witness lay in accepting others as they were without questions and allowing them to make themselves at home in his heart... he never felt he had to do something great for God." And Dominique wrote in his journal:

“...But the usefulness of my life is His concern, not mine. It would be indecent of me to worry about that.”

Realization: allowing people into your life-- into your heart-- is a big thing. Accepting and loving people for who they are is a big thing. Choosing everyday to not think only of yourself is a big thing. Giving out of what you've been given is a big thing. Discipling others is a big thing. Learning about your gifts and spending yourself in service is a big thing.

All of these life principles that are foundations of our faith, of the Gospel, are HUUUUGE! People just don't live like that very often. Maybe on a good day. But for us to let these things be written on our hearts and lived through our lives is what, I believe, makes a world-changer, a God-pleaser, and a true lover.

Keep it simple: life is about loving God & loving people. And our stories will be a beautiful weaving of experiences and happenings between the two.

Bring me Your love

We know it so well.

We've embraced it heart and soul

this love that comes from God.

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us...

there is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life-- fear of death, fear of judgment-- is one not yet fully formed in love.

The command we have from Christ is blunt: loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.

If we love the One who conceives the child, we'll surely love the child who was conceived.

[ from 1 John 4 & 5, the Message ]

"... they, too, have been created by the same loving hand of God, to love and be loved."

M. Teresa

How much more should we be loving each other? If we say we love God so, then it should show in our love for each other. No more bickering. No more back-stabbing. No more harsh words said in irritability or misunderstanding. No more unloving. Let's recreate and restore the beauty of true, deep love for each other. We literally are all the same-- I don't care who it is or how they act. They are a person, like you, like me. More than that:

they are His child.

And if we love Him who made the child, how much more should we love the child.

A couple weeks ago I went to a small group and heard some rich wisdom about this very subject. The word "ought" should stir something in us. Because something ought to be a certain way, it ought to make us do something about it. Loving is what we ought to be doing always. I get so frustrated at myself when I get frustrated at someone else without taking the time to try to see from their perspective, or learn their life and ask why they react the way they do, or give to them so they aren't wanting for so much and living in violent desperation, or open my home to them so they can shower and take care of themselves instead of getting annoyed at the stench of human waste.

Wwwwwwhhhhyyyyyyyyyy don't we love others like we love ourselves?!?

I know the answer. But it doesn't keep me from asking the question. Because we could be doing and loving so much more.

We must stay very close to Christ,

learn a life of selfless love

and overlook His precious children no more.

This is my heart's desire.

"God is in love with us and keeps giving Himself to the world-- through you, through me. May you continue to be the sunshine of His love to people & thus make your life something truly beautiful for God."

Until we have loved the unlovely

the Father's heart has never beat within us.

We are left here to love.

[Beth Moore]