Angry Conversations with God

New Book: Angry Conversations with God, by Susan E. Isaacs.

Normally I would not spend close to $20 on a book like this, but I had a gift card, AND one of my most cherished authors, Don Miller, said it was amazing. So... I caved. But I can say it was well worth almost all of that gift card money. Here's the low-down:

Susan is taking God to marriage counseling. She has loved Jesus since about the age of 5, but through life experiences, mostly being negative, Susan has warped her version of God into a sarcastic, shallow guy who doesn't really care about her petty middle class white girl problems because after all, she isn't Darfur or the Holocaust. From Jesus not coming through for her as a child to save her from a bully at school, to Him leading her to churches full of fake freak-shows, you can understand where these angry conversations come from. So she finds an ex-pastor therapist who is gutsy enough to take her case. Through the re-telling of her life story, Rudy the counselor, Susan, Jesus, and God address the heartache, misconceptions, and root issues of why Susan has such a skewed marriage with God. By the way, Susan is a comedian, and has been in many tv shows, such as Seinfeld!

My favorite conversations so far would have to be these:

(this is after Susan tells about her first real love, David, and losing her virginity. "But I had fantasized about John Lennon and then had sex with a boy. I wasn't exactly Bride of Christ material.")

Jesus: I know why you did it. I know you were looking for love. But I loved you. Wasn't that enough?

Susan: I needed a human to say he loved me, to say that I mattered.

Jesus: I know. I'm sad you didn't get that from a Christian guy.

Susan: Well, I'm sorry.

Jesus: And you know I forgave you already.

Rudy: (to Jesus) You're not angry or hurt or heartbroken?

Jesus: Just because I'm not throwing over a table doesn't mean I'm not upset.

Susan: (to Jesus) If you want to throw a table over to vent, I understand...

Rudy: Last question: Let's talk about creativity. No one in Susan's family "got" her. Doesn't sound like the church did either. Why is that, God? Do you not like art?

Susan: Only if it ends in an altar call.

God: Come on, I love art! The Sistine Chapel, the Bach B Minor Mass, A Man for All Seasons. Love that stuff.

Susan: You didn't like my kind of art. Show me one joke in the Bible.

God: The hill of foreskins.

Susan: That was supposed to be a joke?

God: Come on, Susan, the visual picture alone...

Susan: Why couldn't one Christian tell me that when I needed to hear it?!

God: No one in the church got the joke. Sad.

Susan: Well you know who got the joke? You know who got me? You know who appreciated me and made me feel like I mattered? Heathen and drunks and potheads and Jews.

God: I sent whomever I could get!

Susan: That was you? You put those people in my life? Then why were you so upset when I fell in love with David?

God: Don't boink the messenger.

Jesus: (to God) At least David was a Jew. She could have fallen for a pothead.

Next...

(Susan finally has "gotten her life together" along with becoming anorexic. She decided to "marry" God, but was a little extreme...)

Susan: It's always great at the beginning. God's answers to all my questions at first were "yes and amen."

Rudy: Your prayer to God was a little odd. "God I know I've been a jerk and you hate me; now I'm going to do everything right so you'll love me." Did you really think God hated you? Did you think you had to be perfect to get him to love you?

Susan: I remember once Pastor Ingebresten said that when God looked at me, he didn't see me or my sin, because Jesus stood in the way. Which kind of turned Jesus into a Teflon shield. I worried if Jesus stepped out of the way, I'd be toast.

Rudy: Let's ask them. Lord?

Jesus: I'm not a Teflon shield. Let's put that to rest.

God: I hate sin because of the way it destroys people. I hated watching Susan's life unravel before she has a chance to live it.

Susan: I didn't really think you hated me.

Rudy: Susan, let's focus on the good things for now. This was a great time in your relationship. The marriage, the honeymoon! Why don't you tell each other what you appreciated about this period?

Jesus: I loved how much time we spent together.

Susan: I loved feeling hopeful. I loved making God happy.

God: I appreciated that she asked for direction on everything. Of course, then she went overboard. "Lord, show me what to eat for breakfast"?

Rudy: Did you ever tell her what to eat for breakfast?

God: Yeah. "More!"

Susan: Go ahead and make fun of me. But I didn't have any direction growing up, except, "Don't be angry or people won't like you." My parents never showed me how to choose a college or resolve conflict or how to live in the world. Is it any wonder I hid in my room, begging you to tell me what to do?!

God: I never told you to eat grapefruit every day of your life!

This book reminds me a lot of The Shack, except with a lot more humor and sarcasm. Susan is so easy to relate to. From her horrible church experiences to the sweet adoration she always felt in her heart for God. Even in all the crap in her life, she never completely let go of Him, which she mentions. Just like He has tattooed our names on His palms, when we have truly known Him, He is always tattooed on ours.

I still have a few more chapters to go, but there are so many people I already want to give it to! Over and over God reminds her that what His people do is not always what He does. Isn't it so hard to get past that? To get past blaming God for what happens to us, especially when it comes from people who claim to be His? I can empathize with that one. So, if you think you have issues and want to feel better about yourself, read this book! It will prove how messed up we all are, because as Susan says, "We live in a fallen world, and it sucks."

Update on me: As of this December, I will not longer be employed at CLC. The only reason being, God is bringing me into a new season and has made this decision very clear to me. It is not an easy one. If you've ever poured your heart, sweat, tears, and life into a ministry, even if for a short time, you become very attached. I have seen God do great and wonderful things in the kids I've been privileged to disciple. I'm hoping, if God keeps me here for a while, that I can still be involved as much as possible. It's an exciting and gut-wrenching thing all at once! But I am so looking forward to the future, however many days God has written for me, in whatever place those days will unfold. My missionary heart is very unsettled as I gain more and more knowledge of all the opportunities to help in this world. I am just praying that I will have peace in the ending of a season and the beginning of an unknown plan, which seems to becoming more known as the weeks pass. I'll fill you in about that when it becomes more real to me! My heart and focus is in a far away place. Oh Lord, please take me there! But let Your will, not my own, be done in this life & in this heart.

Love!

"The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose. They will live in prosperity and their children will inherit the land... My eyes are always on the Lord."

Psalm 25:10, 12-13, 15a