Random Randomness

I would not consider myself a random person. If you don't mind me saying, it's pretty random when I'm random. Does that make sense? But tonight I'm full of aimless thoughts. Just figured this is a safe place to schpeel.

First of all, whoever made up the untruthful expectation that you stay friends forever after high school is a poopmouth. I find myself browsing (sometimes longingly...) at my "friend's" pictures, and a part of me wishes we could all hang out again like the old days. But, we've changed. Moved on. New friends. New life. So for all of you who just graduated, let me put a damper on your dreams- it doesn't happen! I guess it does for a select few. Definitely not for me, and it really saddens my heart. Not that I don't have awesome friends now, I'm just incredibly nostalgic like that.

Also, I just saw the production Godspell and it was incredible! The actors were great, the music was lovely, they made me laugh SO hard, and it was uplifting because it's based on the Gospel of Matthew. Who could ask for more?! I found myself focussing on each actor-- how they reacted to Jesus, if I could see real passion in their eyes. I kept saying to my mom, "I wonder if they are all Christians? They HAVE to be if they do a play like this!" But her response was a realistic one. "They are actors. It's their job. They do things like this all the time."
Yeah, but still!! This is JESUS we are talking about. How could you be a part of portraying His life without being affected by Him? So then I started praying for them. Haha. I couldn't just enjoy the play, I had to be super spiritual. Honestly, I like being super spiritual. Because well, everything is spiritual!

Next, my dog is missing. AGAIN. Why can't she just be content at home? She has everything she needs here. Which brings much conviction on me. Why can't I be content with my life? Maybe it's time for me to move on, but I can practice contentment no matter what. Is there something in my heart, some void or need that I haven't yet allowed God to meet or mend?

...See, I told you I am random tonight!

I won't babble for much longer. I'm actually really sleepy. This week has been one of great exhaustion. With great exhaustion hopefully comes great accomplishment-- I think we did do good this week. I purchased a planner, so I'm extra organized now. We are in full fundraising mode! Kids Camp seems so far away. In reality, it's about a month and some days. Ohhhh boy! Gotta keep going.
I will end this randomocity with a great piece from Beth Moore in her study of John. It just happens to be precisely what I need today. Thanks for doing that, Love :)


"God is primarily looking for faithfulness to fufill whatever duty He has placed before us... only after we have learned to prioritze faithfulness rather than results are we ready for the next truth. Christ is the door-opener. For a true harvest to result, the Holy Spirit has to prepare the way and go before us through the door. That's how it opens! Otherwise, it's either the wrong door or the wrong time."


Stay faithful. He's preparing you for a harvest not based on quantity, but of quality. Hold true to what He's called you. And never forget that you are FrEe.

Tiffany.

I am still so surprised at how raw and fresh the heartache is from the tragedy that happened almost 2 years ago. I didn't even know Tiff and Phil that well, but I still openly and deeply grieve over what happened...

Today is Tiff's birthday. She would be 28 if she was still here with us. I am so moved by what her close friends and family still write on her facebook-- the many memories, inside jokes, the things that they miss most about her, how she changed their lives. It's a very beautiful thing, but it's also a very sobering thing. I often wonder, "What if that happened to me? What is it that people would say? What would I leave behind?" I guess you can't answer those questions yourself. And we will probably never know how significant we are until God tells us face to face. But wow, what a reminder to take every single second of every single day and every opportunity to spend ourselves for others, to show the unbelieving world how great and awesome and wonderful He is, and to simply love.

That is her legacy... she took the words of Ephesians 5:2 serisouly and literaly, "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ." I think only a few people will ever truly understand the depth and reality of that verse. I think we have to choose to let God season our lives with all the sorrow, hurt, pain, loss, and tragedies we experience in order to grow and stretch our hearts so that love, joy, gladness, thankfulness, and grace will abound more and more in us. There are few things that break us like grief does. It always reminds me of Job, and the incredible story that he lived. Through disaster, poverty, disease, the loss of his kids, he remained faithful. I am sure that the joy and love he experienced after his tragedy was tremendously magnified compared to his life before his loss.

It's been a personal belief-battle when it comes to determining if God takes away. The Bible obviously proves that He is the life-giver. But it also proves that His will is sovereign. I have no doubts that our enemy steals, kills, and destroys. But maybe we have focused too much anger towards him, and not enough attention towards God. Ask Him to heal, but also ask Him to teach you. Let the wound be fresh for as long as it needs to be so that you can suck all the life out of it as you can. I pray that my heart would never be hardened or unaffected by the losses in my life. There is always more that God wants to reveal to us. Lord, open my heart again.

I will remember you, Tiffany. That you were an "angel with patches". That you let Christ's love live and breath through you. That you were a giver of chocolates, of hugs, and of encouragement. That you worshipped with everything in you. That you found joy in the small things. And that you never passed up an opportunity to show hospitality, not just because it was your job, but because God wants us to. You will forever be an example for me, and for anyone who learns of your story. Thank you for living a life of love. I know Jesus is so proud of you, and that right now, in this moment, you are experiencing the Love that we all look forward to. I love you, and can't wait to tell you how you've changed my life.

These are a Few of My Favorite Things!

Some days I can get so easily (and quickly) stressed out. It's like my first reaction. I don't like it. So tonight, after a long and "stressful" day, I'm going to think about some of my favorite things. Things that I'm hugely thankful for, things that make my heart smile, things that just make you sigh in that contented way. This is more for me than you-- I need to get my attitude right!

Living in a beautiful, sunshiney place with lots of pool and beach days.
A child's laughter.
"Wow" moments with God.
Singing loudly to Kari Jobe or Hillsong (or Justin Timberlake) in my car.
Riding with the windows down.
Coming home, watching HGTV, with coffee or tea in hand. Ahhh.
Buying cute, clearance coffee mugs. (It's almost getting worse than my liking for earrings! yikes!)
Putting together a new outfit with old clothes and feeling great because I didn't buy more.
Seeing the shy kids open up.
Big Train Chai latte's, dirty, with Soy :D
Bible Studies. Especially with Beth Moore.
Going over the Canal bridge and watching a breath-taking sunset.
Wandering around Target...possibly with a Starbucks....
Families.
Sharing life with people.
Cuddling with my Milly.
Waking up early, but not needing to be somewhere.
Panera Bread Company. Wish we had one!
Looking at pictures.
Dreaming of, and praying for, the day when I will go overseas again.
Catching up with old friends who I miss dearly.
The smell of my house.
Going somewhere new.
Praying with precious children & seeing God touch their hearts. And mine.
Encouragement: giving and receiving.
Letters.
Living in Him and Him living through me.
Just loving God!!!


Aw, look at that, I already feel better. All we need to do sometimes is just reflect on our lives and remember how truly wonderful and miraculous it is that we are where we are, doing what we're doing, every single day. I don't know about you, but I have a great life. And I believe it's all because of the love that my Father lavishes on me. I am not loved more than you, but I receive His love, and I reciprocate His love. I don't fully understand it, and I must confess that sometimes I think it will be taken away from me. But I know, really I know, that He is so much more than what I've learned, heard of, or imagined. And that thought alone drives me to surrender everything I am or have to His service. Not out of fear or "beacause I said so", but out of an awe for a love that is more vast than anything in this universe....
Now that right there makes my heart smile!!

"If my heart has one ambition, if my soul one goal to seek, this my solitary vision, til I only dwell in Thee, that I only dwell in Thee."

Lord, become the delight of my life.

Like I promised, this post is from Beth Moore's series "Delight in Him". Obviously, my notes do not even compare to hearing her teach, but hopefully you'll get something out of it!

*Delight-- love on fire; love having fun.
*Psalm 37:4, it's our promise. Our lives are not meant to be about denying our desires. The Word says that His love is better than life! We must learn to deny our ungodly desires. He will change your desires if you choose to let Him. You were saved to DO, not to live a life of "don't".
*Whatever you leave not consumed will destroy you. Our human condition is self-destructive. Let Him consume you with holy passion!
*We are as filled with the Holy Spirit as we are yielded to the Holy Spirit.
*Jeremiah 17:9 "the human heart is the most deceitful of all things". You can be saved but have an unsanctified heart. An unsanctified heart will lie to you. Our culture says, "Just follow your heart." Some of us could follow our hearts straight to hell! It will continually lead you astray.
*We CAN trust what we feel when our hearts are filled and flooded with the love of Christ. Give Him your whole heart. A heart that is divided cannot be sanctified by Him.
*When you begin to delight in Him, you begin to trust your desires because God Himself becomes your greatest desire.
*How do we become sanctified? John 17:17 "Make them holy by Your Truth, teach them Your word, which is Truth." We must be on a steady diet of God's Word. To delight in God is to delight in His Word!!
*Psalm 37:31 "the instruction of God is in his heart," Take in the word-- don't just read it with your mind. He wants to write His word upon your heart.

*I think the greatest mystery in the heavenlies is mediocrity. I think the angels look at us and say that we are so little moved. Our God is much more.

*A delighting life is not always fun, but it's very much alive.
*John 15:7 "But if you remain in Me and My words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted." (vs. 11) "I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!"
* You have biblical permission to enjoy the God who has called you!!!!

*Every time we get a "no" it's because there is a greater "yes"!

*Do NOT base your theology on your experiences. We are in such a cycle of unbelief. "I haven't seen that, so He no longer does it." We get little because we believe little so we see little! BELIEVE HIS WORD.
*Think in God's will. It will throw all your walls down.

*If He has your heart, He will do the silliest things for you just to make you laugh out loud. He wants to see us give Him glory!


I can attest to so many of those statements. My life is so drastically different because of the heart-change He has performed in me. For a while, I was learning and reading His Word, and my mind was being renewed, but my emotions were still the same. I didn't know that there is a major difference between knowing the Truth and having it written on my heart. I can say in all assurance, in complete confidence, that God is now becoming my greatest delight.

There is JOY and LIFE and PASSION awaiting us! Let's throw of all the sin that so easily entangles us, and let's run wildly and freely, witholding nothing and risking everything, into all that He is! And let's make this our prayer and our heart's one desire...

Lord,
become the Delight of my life!

The Real Awesome

Today I find myself in Auburn, AL. War Eagle. I'm thouroughly enjoying a week of vacation filled with beautiful Lake days, a Hillsong United concert, spending time with dearly loved people, and delicious shrimp & grits (which is tonight-- SO excited!). I am just so thankful. Does anyone else randomly get so overwelmed with gratitude for everything? I have that feeling right now. My heart literally feels like its overflowing and I can't stop thanking my beautiful Savior for EVERYTHING I have. It's all because of Him. Even the shrimp and grits!

I want to share something very cool with you today. It's from my Bible Study- Knowing God by Name. A couple days ago I read about El Gadol Ve-Nora, the Great and Awesome God. My understanding of the "fear of the Lord" has once again been enlightened. That phrase has always been a bit fuzzy to me, I guess because of all the manipulations or wrong teachings of scriptures that speak of fear. It is so much more! Have a listen:

"Those who KNOW fear have NO fear...
To know God is to know fear. The fear of God is a heart-pounding, knee-trembling spine-tingling, shuddering recognition that God is infinitely more good and powerful and important than me. It means that I live and think and act and speak with a keen awareness that He is the Creator and I am the creature; He is holy and I am not; He is wise and I am a fool; He is powerful and I am weak; He is Ruler and I am a servant; He is self-sufficient and I am utterly dependent.
To fear God means to be ever-aware of His all-pervasice presence, conscious of my absolute need for Him, mindful of my responsibility to follow His way, determined to obey Him, cautious of offending Him, and overwelmed in amazement and gratitude at His incredible goodness and grace.
Some people fear God because they suspect He is intent on hurting them. Theirs is a negative emotion, fraught with dread. This is not what the Bible means when it speaks of the fear of the Lord. We can only fear the Lord correctly when we understand that He is wondrously terrible yet at the same time wholly and completely good. When we do we are freed from every anxiety, and fearing Him becomes a delight."

...And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. Isaiah 11:3

I really enjoy when God so wants me to understand a certain point or subject that it will keep coming up in my life. For example, during my counseling appointment on Thursday, Dr. Q was teaching me about gladness and the difficulties we encounter when others don't share our joy. He drew a diagram of steps- the first was labeled "Disobedience", the second "Duty, the third "Desire", the last "Delight". He described how this applies to every relationship in our life, especially with God. We begin our journey with Him often saying "I don't want to," to certain things He may ask of us. Eventually we move on to "I need to," knowing that there is a certain way we must live and act if we bear His name. Next is usually the "I want to," and we begin to see the benefits and blessings of obedience and relationship with our Father. Finally, hopefully, we arrive at Delight-- "I can't wait to!" This is the place of ultimate surrender and love for Christ. We have experienced Him, and we know that He is the Life we need, and the only Life we could ever want. We cannot imagine turning away or forgetting Him. He has become our biggest Delight.

Then, on our way to the Lake on Friday, I was listening to Beth Moore's series "Delighting in Him." I had listened to the first cd a couple weeks ago, and knew it was going to get even better so I needed to finish the series. Well, yeah. God blew me away. And here is this DELIGHT thing again!

So now in this Bible Study, the woman is talking about making the fear of the Lord our delight. Do you think He wants me to get something? Ha, just a little!

My life verse has always been Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord & He'll give you the desires of your heart." I know it's kind of cliche-- many people have that one highlighted. But do we really understand those words? It's a promise, but it's a conditional promise. IF we delight in the Lord THEN He will give us what we desire... which will become Him, all of Him, nothing but Him. I will never forget when the revelation of that verse smacked me in the face and I repented of my ignorance and selfishness. I had wanted "stuff"-- a boyfriend, a new car, more money. How needy and obsurd we can be.

I will save the notes and pieces I got from Beth Moore for the next post. I'll really get goin on that!!

So stay tuned if you really want to hear some rantin' and ravin'. The good kind :)