Don't miss your brightness.

Love this passage: 2 Corinthians 4

"Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.

If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get.

Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!

We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise!

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

Amen & amen! That's from the Message version. Love the wordage. Paul encourages God's people not to miss out on His brightness and beauty that is in us, His unadorned pottery. I love that imagery. We are simple clay pots that have been formed by the Potter and that have within us a supernatural greatness.

God has been giving me an ever-increasing passion to teach people about this new life He has freely offered to us through His Son. Going through the Judgement House (a drama that reveals the ultimate truth and reality of life after death) it always reminds me that YES heaven and hell are real and very important, but we so often forget to tell about the fullness of life here and now that Christ has purposed us to live! He says that He makes us new creations, all of the old things have passed away, behold, everything has been made new. Everything! And that by accepting Him, we are given His glory and greatness by His Spirit that now has made His home within us.

Really... I am easily overwhelmed by all of this. When I have time to sit down and study and think about what He has done and what He plans to do, I am in awe.

It's so hard to see yourself as God sees you, isn't it? Even then as I wrote that, I felt a twinge of guilt, because who am I that this God is mindful of me?! I wish that others felt that way. People too quickly accuse God for "not being fair" or "not caring" or whatever. Seriously? Where do we get off questioning a Perfect Person and His Perfect Will?

I guess that is part of the gift package that we receive when our eyes are opened to the great sacrifice of Jesus. We also see how unselfish God was to share Himself, a completely perfect and pure and good being, with people who blatantly slapped His face when we chose a different way, our way.

Do you understand that part? Do you understand the Cross?

That its not just about what you've seen and heard and been taught; it's not just about those Sunday School songs, even though they are filled with Truth. It's not about what you think about God. It's all about God. And whether or not you have experienced your own cross.

How easy it is to preach a happy Gospel. "Come to Jesus and you will have everything you want!" In a way, yes. But this whole "new creation" thing, it changes everything. You see, now that He resides in our heart, we no longer want what we wanted. Now that He is here, we can no longer do what we once did, because what we once did was killing us. But He has come to give us life. When He says "take up your cross and follow Me," where do you think you're going? Back to the club? Back to your girlfriend's house? Back to where you once where?

If you are, I must tell you this: you aren't following Him.

Paul tells us in another passage to crucify our flesh, kill whatever part of yourself that's holding you back. In the words of Rob Bell, take it outside and shoot it. Don't allow it to stop you any longer.

You are new. You are His. The emptiness inside of you can be filled, even to overflowing.

I try so hard to share what I know, but in the end, I'm not the Holy Spirit. I know so many who need these words desperately, but it's not me who can change them. My whole purpose for this blog is not for you to think of me in any certain way, but for your thoughts and perspective about God to somehow be challenged or renewed or maybe even corrected. I want you to know that He is so deep... that we will never be able to fathom the things of God. But it does help to talk about it. At least for me. So whoever you are, wherever you are, please hear the song of my heart & my life:

You are so extremely and unexplainably loved. And I am sorry if that Love is not always displayed through me, but know that He is there and He is Love. Know that you can be changed, that your mind & desires can be transformed, for I am a living example of that truth. And remember that things are not always as they seem-- anything can be turned around for good.

Amazing grace (undeserved favor)

how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me (whore, loser, rejected)

I once was lost (gone & forgotten)

but now I'm found (saved & rescued)

was blind (trapped, confused)

but now I see (freed from darkness)

so clearly.

I once was fatherless. A stranger with no hope.

Your kindness wakened me from my sleep.

Your love it beckons deeply

a call to come and die.

By grace now I will come

and take this life.

Take Your life.

Into Marvelous Light I'm Running...

My dead heart now is beating.

My deepest stains now clean.

Your breath fills up my lungs.

Now I'm free.

Sin has lost it's power.

Death has lost it's sting.

Into Marvelous Light I'm Running.

Because I Want To.

I'm just writing tonight because I want to. Is that ok with you? No agenda. No book comments. No quotes. Well... scratch the last one, I might have a few quotes. You know me.

I am enjoying this wonderful heartburn (that my mother told me I am too young to have) from the delish stir-fry I made. Yes, from scratch. Except Publix does this wonderful thing where they'll freshly prepare anything you need, like fruits or veggies. Great! So I didn't have to buy everything separately. It was very good. The peppers always get me! Too bad I no longer carry Tums with me. 65-year-old at heart, I guess. (heh, heh)

So everyone keeps asking me where I am going next. It's so stressful sometimes- I feel pressured to always have a plan. Gosh, people! In case you are wondering, I don't have a plan!! And that's ok! For now. Not to rush you Lord, but I'd like to know SOMETHING by January, k? I'm really hoping my friend Tasha will move here. Then we can work our tails off, save money, and move to Australia together. In our dreams. Well, literally, in mine. I find myself dreaming about Hillsong often. But for now... it's just a dream.

I was reading a devo the other day & it said this:

"It's not wrong to depend on your 'Elijah' as long as God gives him to you. But God doesn't intend him to stay and although the thought causes you to say 'I can't continue,' you must. There are times when we must go on alone, and draw from God the strength to do it."

What a great way to describe every great thing that I have clung to in my life. God brings people, things, opportunities into our lives, but we are never meant to depend on or hold those things so tightly and closer to our hearts than Him. I have done that. More than once! When people ask me if I'll ever go back into YWAM, I sadly answer that I don't think I will. Not because God is a cruel God and He doesn't want me to be happy, but because God sees the whole picture of my life & has innumerable plans for me that are greater than I could ever understand. Sometimes going back to something you once loved is just that... going back. I want to keep running forward in this race. Though many things bring us pleasure, not all those things are what God intends for us. And its a hard thing to give up sometimes. Scary, too. It's like He purposely moves me right when I'm feeling comfortable. I'm thinking that's the point, right? To totally go against every logical and "that makes sense" decision or path for my life! It's frustrating and extremely comical all at the same time! I love Him so much!

(My neighbors are seriously rockin' out at their Halloween party. Current song: Love Shack)

That's all of my spiritual blabber for the night. I have had such a wonderful day, praise Jesus. This week has been exhausting, but so refreshing, too! And my sweet Abba brought some dolphins my way :) He knows I really, really enjoy that. Like a kiss from heaven. ANNND the sunset was crazy beautiful! Did you see it?! Oh, it was lovely. I'll end this with a favorite Psalm of mine...

The heavens declare the glory of God

and the sky proclaims the work of His hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they communicate knowledge.

There is no speech, there are no words, their voice is not heard.

Their message has gone out to all the earth

& their words to the ends of the inhabited world.

In the heavens He has pitched a tent for the sun.

It is like a groom coming from the bridal chamber;

it rejoices like an athlete running his course.

....

the instruction of the Lord is perfect

reviving the soul.

the testimony of the Lord is trustworthy

making the inexperienced wise.

the Lord's precepts are right

making the heart glad.

the commandment of the Lord is radiant

making the eyes light up.

the fear of the Lord is pure

enduring forever.

the ordinances of the Lord are reliable

and altogether righteous.

They are more desirable than gold, than an abundance of pure gold!

In addition, your servant is warned by them:

there is great reward in keeping them.

Psalm 19

I'm talkin' about a Reviiiiival!

One of my favorite times of year is when Mr. Dwight Singleton comes to town! It's like you can feel the spiritual atmosphere of our church drastically change. This year is different for me than years before. I can remember coming home from YWAM last year and being so broken in worship because people were truly, deeply worshipping God. It encouraged me so much! But in these last few nights there has been a different atmosphere... more like one of conviction and repentance. Dwight brings the Word like no one I have ever known! He said last night that he was just a "paper boy" delivering whatever was hot off the press from God's heart! I like that analogy :) And let me tell you, our people have been called out, I have been called out, and I pray with all of my heart that we would choose to live higher.

Several things I have gotten out of his teaching this week...

* We must make God's Word our standard. It's not outdated; it will never need to be revised!

*Deny yourself daily. We are in the messes that we are in because we don't tell our sorry selves NO.

* Jesus was all about His Father's business. He took the emotion out of it and chose to do whatever it took to please God.

*When we follow the Spirit and live in obedience to God, we put ourselves in the direct path of His blessings and purpose for our lives.

There is so much more! I don't have time to write it all. He did so well describing to us what it means to follow Jesus. Denying ourself is not a popular subject in the Christian life today. And that's why the church is so screwed up. But I do believe that this generation, when we really start to understand the things of God and the wonders and blessings of a life lived in complete surrender and obedience to Him, will see Him powerfully move on this earth. If you go to the Jesus Culture website and read their mission statement, it is incredible. It gives me chills every time. Because I have seen that in action. I know many of His chosen ones who are so completely in-love and devoted to Jesus and His mission and His precious kingdom...

We're going to shake this world with the love of God. But if we don't heed the Word of God, if we don't stop "picking and choosing" what we want to believe, then we'll never see it. God would rather you be ice cold, dead to Him, than to be in the middle, doing nothing about the wonderful message you have received. Luke warm. What a horrible state to be in. Don't do it! Start saying no to yourself, let the Spirit lead you, don't be caught up in the things of this world, but be renewed, revived, recreated by the things of God!!!

Pray for us here. The revival is continuing into tonight, and maybe for the rest of the week! Pray that the Word would go deep into our hearts and take root, that the people who make up Christian Life Church would choose to change and start living in the supernatural presence of a holy God! I know it's possible. And its up to all of us! BE the church & watch God rock your world.

-from the song "Holy" by Kim Walker

"Let us be a generation marked with holiness. A generation of people who know Your love, who know your holiness, God. Carriers of Your presence. A generation marked by your love... purified, set apart, holy unto You God. Holy, holy, Lord God Almighty. There's only one word to describe... holy."

Angry Conversations with God

New Book: Angry Conversations with God, by Susan E. Isaacs.

Normally I would not spend close to $20 on a book like this, but I had a gift card, AND one of my most cherished authors, Don Miller, said it was amazing. So... I caved. But I can say it was well worth almost all of that gift card money. Here's the low-down:

Susan is taking God to marriage counseling. She has loved Jesus since about the age of 5, but through life experiences, mostly being negative, Susan has warped her version of God into a sarcastic, shallow guy who doesn't really care about her petty middle class white girl problems because after all, she isn't Darfur or the Holocaust. From Jesus not coming through for her as a child to save her from a bully at school, to Him leading her to churches full of fake freak-shows, you can understand where these angry conversations come from. So she finds an ex-pastor therapist who is gutsy enough to take her case. Through the re-telling of her life story, Rudy the counselor, Susan, Jesus, and God address the heartache, misconceptions, and root issues of why Susan has such a skewed marriage with God. By the way, Susan is a comedian, and has been in many tv shows, such as Seinfeld!

My favorite conversations so far would have to be these:

(this is after Susan tells about her first real love, David, and losing her virginity. "But I had fantasized about John Lennon and then had sex with a boy. I wasn't exactly Bride of Christ material.")

Jesus: I know why you did it. I know you were looking for love. But I loved you. Wasn't that enough?

Susan: I needed a human to say he loved me, to say that I mattered.

Jesus: I know. I'm sad you didn't get that from a Christian guy.

Susan: Well, I'm sorry.

Jesus: And you know I forgave you already.

Rudy: (to Jesus) You're not angry or hurt or heartbroken?

Jesus: Just because I'm not throwing over a table doesn't mean I'm not upset.

Susan: (to Jesus) If you want to throw a table over to vent, I understand...

Rudy: Last question: Let's talk about creativity. No one in Susan's family "got" her. Doesn't sound like the church did either. Why is that, God? Do you not like art?

Susan: Only if it ends in an altar call.

God: Come on, I love art! The Sistine Chapel, the Bach B Minor Mass, A Man for All Seasons. Love that stuff.

Susan: You didn't like my kind of art. Show me one joke in the Bible.

God: The hill of foreskins.

Susan: That was supposed to be a joke?

God: Come on, Susan, the visual picture alone...

Susan: Why couldn't one Christian tell me that when I needed to hear it?!

God: No one in the church got the joke. Sad.

Susan: Well you know who got the joke? You know who got me? You know who appreciated me and made me feel like I mattered? Heathen and drunks and potheads and Jews.

God: I sent whomever I could get!

Susan: That was you? You put those people in my life? Then why were you so upset when I fell in love with David?

God: Don't boink the messenger.

Jesus: (to God) At least David was a Jew. She could have fallen for a pothead.

Next...

(Susan finally has "gotten her life together" along with becoming anorexic. She decided to "marry" God, but was a little extreme...)

Susan: It's always great at the beginning. God's answers to all my questions at first were "yes and amen."

Rudy: Your prayer to God was a little odd. "God I know I've been a jerk and you hate me; now I'm going to do everything right so you'll love me." Did you really think God hated you? Did you think you had to be perfect to get him to love you?

Susan: I remember once Pastor Ingebresten said that when God looked at me, he didn't see me or my sin, because Jesus stood in the way. Which kind of turned Jesus into a Teflon shield. I worried if Jesus stepped out of the way, I'd be toast.

Rudy: Let's ask them. Lord?

Jesus: I'm not a Teflon shield. Let's put that to rest.

God: I hate sin because of the way it destroys people. I hated watching Susan's life unravel before she has a chance to live it.

Susan: I didn't really think you hated me.

Rudy: Susan, let's focus on the good things for now. This was a great time in your relationship. The marriage, the honeymoon! Why don't you tell each other what you appreciated about this period?

Jesus: I loved how much time we spent together.

Susan: I loved feeling hopeful. I loved making God happy.

God: I appreciated that she asked for direction on everything. Of course, then she went overboard. "Lord, show me what to eat for breakfast"?

Rudy: Did you ever tell her what to eat for breakfast?

God: Yeah. "More!"

Susan: Go ahead and make fun of me. But I didn't have any direction growing up, except, "Don't be angry or people won't like you." My parents never showed me how to choose a college or resolve conflict or how to live in the world. Is it any wonder I hid in my room, begging you to tell me what to do?!

God: I never told you to eat grapefruit every day of your life!

This book reminds me a lot of The Shack, except with a lot more humor and sarcasm. Susan is so easy to relate to. From her horrible church experiences to the sweet adoration she always felt in her heart for God. Even in all the crap in her life, she never completely let go of Him, which she mentions. Just like He has tattooed our names on His palms, when we have truly known Him, He is always tattooed on ours.

I still have a few more chapters to go, but there are so many people I already want to give it to! Over and over God reminds her that what His people do is not always what He does. Isn't it so hard to get past that? To get past blaming God for what happens to us, especially when it comes from people who claim to be His? I can empathize with that one. So, if you think you have issues and want to feel better about yourself, read this book! It will prove how messed up we all are, because as Susan says, "We live in a fallen world, and it sucks."

Update on me: As of this December, I will not longer be employed at CLC. The only reason being, God is bringing me into a new season and has made this decision very clear to me. It is not an easy one. If you've ever poured your heart, sweat, tears, and life into a ministry, even if for a short time, you become very attached. I have seen God do great and wonderful things in the kids I've been privileged to disciple. I'm hoping, if God keeps me here for a while, that I can still be involved as much as possible. It's an exciting and gut-wrenching thing all at once! But I am so looking forward to the future, however many days God has written for me, in whatever place those days will unfold. My missionary heart is very unsettled as I gain more and more knowledge of all the opportunities to help in this world. I am just praying that I will have peace in the ending of a season and the beginning of an unknown plan, which seems to becoming more known as the weeks pass. I'll fill you in about that when it becomes more real to me! My heart and focus is in a far away place. Oh Lord, please take me there! But let Your will, not my own, be done in this life & in this heart.

Love!

"The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands. Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose. They will live in prosperity and their children will inherit the land... My eyes are always on the Lord."

Psalm 25:10, 12-13, 15a