Why did I get married?

I just watched that movie. It was good, besides the fact that most of those people are slap crazy. But it had a great message. Except when they were laughing about a guy having an affair. I didn't think that was humorous. Anyway, there was a principle in this movie that caught my attention. It's called the 80/20 principle. Janet Jackson (yes, she is in the movie) said that you can only get 80% of what you need in a marriage. (I'm not sure where the other 20% comes from... God, maybe?) And most people aren't content with their 80, so when the 20% comes along (aka, hoe bag) most people will leave their 80 for the 20, and then all they are left with is the 20.

So this concept got me thinking...

When it comes to our salvation, don't we all sometimes question why we got married? I honestly haven't recently, but I can remember in high school and in my naive, "these people are the only people in the world! I have to impress them!" mindset, I can remember asking that question several times. Is this really worth it? Do I even know God? Why does everything have to be so hard?!

... you get my drift.

So really when it comes down to it, we as Christians have these "80/20" scenarios all the time. Just like many married people probably do. I'm not married, I wouldn't know. But I AM in a committed relationship with Jesus Christ and I can tell when I'm focusing on the 20's more. Or should I say "0's" and "100" since God is completely all we will ever need.

I do need to start asking myself often: what are my zeros? What are the things that, when waved in front of me, I usually begin to question everything I'm living for? How can I keep myself focused on my 100- the Person who was, is, and will ever be all that I want, desire, and need?

I love how David was so honest with his Lord. He frequently prayed, "Search me, Oh God!" and "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Lord!" Do we have the guts to pray those honest prayers? Because that means that we would have to start being held responsible for what we say, what we think about, what we do, where we are in our relationship with Him.

This question has been on my heart a lot lately. I see so much potential in so many lives, but it's like they are just staying in the same place in their relationship with God, not wanting to go higher. Not wanting to go anywhere.

And I think to myself, if you only knew... if I only knew... who He really is. If we, like the old prophets and crazy disciples, could see just a snippet of His glory, we would give Him EVERYTHING. Our lives, our safety, our plans, our families, our hearts, our wills, our money, our things. It would be worthless in the face of Him who is Worthy. Why can't we see that?! Why do we get so easily distracted?!

WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED?

I got married & entered into this covenant, this promise, this life with Him, because of what He did for me thousands of years ago. I decided to take Him at His Word when He said that I could be forgiven and that I could live a true life, a full life. I chose Him because He has always chosen me. His promises seem too good to be true, but I've seen too much to turn back. I am my Beloved's and He is mine. It's not about me anymore, but somehow He still out-gives me. He is so great.

That's why I got married.

What about you??

I love the picture of marriage. Sex God and Going All the Way are great books on this subject! Like how at the altar on our wedding day, we are giving ourselves away, sacrificing our need of independence, and choosing selflessness for the other person. Jesus did the same thing for us. Or like when God says that two shall become one, it's the same thing that happens when our spirits join with His Spirit and we are one in the same. It breaks my heart when marriage is torn to shreds in our world today. There is such Truth and beauty and wonder in it all. And we are the vessels to prove that to the world. As a girl who is very much married to God and not to a man (yet) I can be a living example of this spiritual union, while all you awesome married people reveal the magnificence of God's love through the love for each other! Isn't He just amazing?!? I am in-love with Love Himself! And very happily married :) I hope you, out of the depths of your heart, could say the same.

"But then, I will win her back once again...

when that day comes, says the Lord,

you will call me 'My Husband'

instead of 'My Slave-Master.'

...I will make you my wife forever,

showing you righteousness and justice,

unfailing love and compassion."

Hosea 2:14, 16, 19

Just Plain Crazy.

After many, many recommendations, I finally got the book Crazy Love at my all-time favorite store: the $5 Christian Book Store. I know, you're jealous, right?

Well, this book is as wonderful as anyone who's read it will say. For me, it's brought me to my knees in humbling adoration, offering all that I know to offer this God-- a repentant heart. It hurts when someone tells you that you are wrong. But thank God! Where would we be without those people? On a fast road to hell, I'm sure. Francis Chan is so gifted. I've never heard him/ seen him speak. Maybe I'll look him up in a few minutes...

Of course I just HAVE to share what I've read so far. Instead of this being a blog about my life, I should title it "Candice's Book Reviews." What do you think?? Ha!

"Can you worship a God who isn't obligated to explain His actions to you? Could it be your arrogance that makes you think God owes you an explanation?"

"The point of your life is to point to Him."

"Are we in love with God, or just His stuff?"

"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter... God's definition of what really matters is pretty straightforward. He measures our lives by how we love."

"We don't have to worry about a burdensome load of commands because when we are loving, we can't sin."

"The critical question for our generation, and for every generation, is this:

If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"

"Right now, a hundred million angels are praising God's name; He certainly doesn't need to beg or plead with us. We should be the ones begging to worship in His presence!!"

"What matters is that we spend ourselves."

"Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers."

"All our righteous acts are like filthy rags... compared to God's perfect holiness, that's how our good deeds appear."

Ok, I want to expound on the last 2 quotes. But first, did any of that feel like a slap in the face? I really hope it did. I hope, as it has been doing for me, it would give you a reality check. It's not, nor has it ever been, about you.

"Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers." -- This sounds very radical, but I believe it is very biblical. But don't be so judgmental (like I was tempted to be) that people who have normal jobs, as in not ministry-related, are in any sense of the word "normal". I was thinking of a few of my friends... Kailey and Ms. Sara for example who have both entered the profession of teaching. Yes, they work in public schools. And yes, in a crowd they might not stand out physically as a Jesus Freak. But their lives would very much confuse and cause questions for an unbelieving person. Kailey's husband is a worship pastor. They are very, very involved with their church family. I'm sure that teachers who will work with Kailey will question why she never involves herself with their latest gossip, or how she can love the hardest and most misbehaved of children. It's the same with Ms. Sara. Her heart is for the lost. She daily welcomes people into her home from all walks of faith, including those who have yet to start their walk! Her joy, patience, faithfulness, and hospitality make many people question where her abilities come from.

I can think of so many others I'm blessed to have in my life who are living lives of this crazy love. Could you say the same about your friends? Or better yet, could you say the same about yourself?

About our so-called righteous acts-- I really enjoyed how he explained this to me. Are you ready? If you are a guy & you are reading this, I hope you have a strong stomach. Ladies, I pray this would open your eyes to this truth:

The phrase "dirty rags" literally means menstrual garments. For a more modern interpretation, think of used tampons. If you are highly disgusted, you get his point!! He writes, "It's hard to imagine something more disgusting that we could brag about or put on display. But compared to God's perfect holiness, that's how our good deeds appear."

Does that just go above and beyond your understanding? How could Someone be THAT good and holy and perfect? And how could we be so sinful and unclean?

My point is not to make you feel condemned, I'm talking to myself here, too! But I long for people to see God as He is. Not just rules, labels, boxes that we have all put him in. I want to see God for God. Before you call Him a loving God, remember that He is also a holy God. And before you question His actions, remember that your life in comparison to Him is like a... well, I don't need to say it again. Hopefully you get the point.

We have to realize this before we can offer our lives to Him and accept the greatest gift that He has given us- His Son. It's interesting that just this morning, Ms. Sara and I read Henry Blackaby's blog & he was writing on the subject of true salvation. If we don't obey God, that means we don't really love Him, which means we do not belong to Him, which means we are unbelievers. Then, I read the same explanation in Crazy Love. He talks about these "fruitless Christians" who according to the Bible are not Christians at all. Christ didn't die for us to give only a little bit to Him, or to only agree with and obey half of the Bible. It's all or nothing. (Reminds me of an old song... Cause I want it all, or nothing at all...)

He goes on to say that this is why the Church today is so dysfunctional and unsuccessful. Most of the people IN the church are not really OF the church, meaning they have not committed themselves to Jesus, meaning they don't have a real relationship, meaning... they are still lost.

I hope you are getting this. It is nonnegotiable. If you think God will excuse your sin for a time, you are wrong. If you really loved Him, you wouldn't have time to live in sin. Yes, I am telling the truth. Read your Bible.

I won't apologize if this sounds harsh-- it's supposed to be. For far too long have we allowed unbelievers to call themselves Christians and live lives that are all about them. It is LOVE that brings us to Christ and LOVE that causes us to change everything that once was. It is LOVE that makes us cry out for forgiveness and LOVE that sustains our faith. When we love Him, we will forsake everything else.

I think I've gotten the point across. I want people to know the Truth. Once they grasp that- the fact that they are recklessly and relentlessly loved- they will be freed from the power of their sin... free to love this Love that makes it all worth while. The only thing that matters. To love and be loved by God.

Put in Me

Oh mercy fall on me like a warm blanket on my cold, cold heart. Clean me with Your blood that turns me white on the inside. I'm on my knees again cause I'm breaking Your heart. Your heart.

Put in me what I cannot buy with gold. Put in me, oh God, come restore my broken soul. Put in me what I cannot give myself. Put in me a clean heart.

I know all my broken places like the back of my hand, that slaps Your face again. Wash me in Your love and hold me tight like a baby, 'til I have no memory of ever breaking Your heart.

Put in me what I cannot buy with gold. Put in me, Oh God, come restore my broken soul. Put in me what I cannot give myself. Put in me...

And the joy when you restore me, I will stand and walk again. I will run into this world, I will call them to come in. But I will not point my finger or grow that wicked skin that cannot remember what I will not forget.

How I broke You... how I'm broken...

Put in me a clean heart.

Really?

Wew, 50th post! I thought about doing something cool for this occasion.. I couldn't come up with anything. Sorry. But I just saw an advertisement on FB that really, really irked me! It was one of those stupid Singles ones, and it said, "Don't be THAT girl. Meet someone today!"

...What does that mean?!

I WILL be that girl! I AM that girl! It really got on my nerves. This world is seriously so screwed up. 

I went to a Human Trafficking seminar the other day and was disgusted, horrified, and burdened for what is happening to people; that it's everywhere, even in my community. It's so much. So much evil.

But on the flip side, there are many organizations rising up to fight. The church is rising up to fight. I was thinking the other day about all the great causes there are in the world to get involved with-- it's a little bit overwhelming! So God IS always on the move, inspiring His body to change the world. It just gets so sad living here. Not that I'm wanting to die or anything, but I think about heaven a lot. How friggin awesome it's really going to be! I walked on the beach last night, and it had started raining a little bit, and this HUGE storm cloud was in front of me, and it was just so beautiful. I love God & His creations. It always gives me the hope and promise to keep going because there is still beauty to be seen and discovered, especially in His people.

So be encouraged, church! He has many plans for us, and we can do all things with Him and through Him and because of Him! Amen!

God, the one and only— I'll wait as long as he says. 
   Everything I need comes from him, 
      so why not? 
   He's solid rock under my feet, 
      breathing room for my soul, 
   An impregnable castle: 
      I'm set for life.

My help and glory are in God 
      —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God— 
   So trust him absolutely, people; 
      lay your lives on the line for him. 
      God is a safe place to be.

Psalm 62:1-2,7-8

I Let Go.

I would like to start this blog by saying a huge THANK YOU. Even though the people it's directed to will never read it, I just want to say it anyway. I was crying my eyes out this morning watching the documentaries about 9/11. I was so broken by all the personal losses, but at the same time so overwhelmingly blessed by the hope and restoration they proclaimed, and all the people who willingly sacrificed their lives to save others. Every time I hear stories like that I think to myself, how would I react? If I had just talked to my husband for the last time, knew he was about to crash into a building, how would I handle life after that? It amazes me how our Healer steps in and completely compensates for the despair and hopelessness in the face of disaster. He is all we need. Amen!

So, I have found this area of discontentment in my life: I want to live by myself. Well, in my mind it would be a lot easier just to get married and then get a place, whichever God would like to bring first. I am really so blessed to have a wonderful mom to live with, who will still offer to make me coffee and who always washes the dishes. But... I'm just wanting it otherwise. Discontentment is so annoying. And I am such an enabler.

Other news: The Hillsong United premier of the I-Heart Documentary We're All in this Together is showing Nov. 4th at the Cobb at 6:30! I think you have to pre-order tickets? I did just incase! You can go here http://www.ncm.com/Fathom/ConcertsAndMusic/Hillsong_Exclusive.aspx?utm_source=Hillsongdatabase_HSU&utm_medium=eblast&utm_campaign=HillsongUnited to purchase them. See you there!

My proud announcement: I have conquered the kitchen!!!!! For those of you who know me intimately, you may recall my huge intimidation of cooking. Well, those days are history. I have cooked chicken (which was my biggest fear) and now, I have made a delicious FRENCH meal, nearly all by myself. Mom was there to coach. But only a little bit ;) It was seriously good. Call me up, I might cook for you! (probably not though... other people's kitchens are a different story)

Current Reading: Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson (one chapter to go) & Extravagant Worship by Darlene Zschech (who doesn't love her?!) I am thoroughly enjoying both of these, especially Darlene's. I have such a heart for worship. I think every Christian should! But I am one of those crazy music lovers who is so awed by the abilities of worship leaders and anyone who can play an instrument. I personally want to learn how to play the piano, and am determined to make that happen. Eventually. I love watching videos of Hillsong's worship team. It's so beautiful. I'm not idolizing the people, but appreciating the unique talents, gifts, and good looks God has blessed them with. Yes, good looks. You know who I'm talking about :)

Moving on, here are some favorite quotes from Miss Darlene:

"The core of worship is when one's heart and soul and all that is within, adores and connects with the Spirit of God."

"God's love and forgiveness and power of the Cross cause me to dance into my future! What can I say? I am a woman in-love!"

"Worship is to the Lord and not unto man. Learn to seek God's face without worrying about saving yours."

"There is great power in a shout. A shout commands attention. A shout is prophetic & faith-building. It calls things that are not as though they were!"

"God is a builder, not a magician. He is a builder of life, and the finest buildings always take time."

"If we trust God's character, we can trust that our obedience will never take us to a place that we don't want to be."

"The only expression I can give Him is me."

"A personal encounter with God brings a powerful conviction on others because they can see what God has done in you. You testimony matters!!"

"Excellence means detail. Excellence means discipline. When our thoughts are excellent, our deeds will be excellent, too."

"Lay down your life-- lose it, so that others may find theirs."

"Keep that fire in your being, that attitude of 'whatever it takes'. Keep that zeal in your worship that drove you to God's face when you first believed. Go back to that place where the call of God drove you crazy, to that call of God from which you could not escape."

Phew, that's all I've read so far. Sounds good, eh?!? It really, really is! If you long to have the pure, surrendered heart of a true worshipper, you should definitely invest in it. She is one of the most talented and anointed worship leaders of our time-- she knows what she's talkin' about!

Ok, friends, I'm out for the night. Hope you all are mucho, mucho blessed. Know that you are loved and appreciated! If you live near me, come hang out for our church's 10th Birthday this weekend! Love y'all!

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.

Colossians 1:9-12

It flows.

((Sept. 5th))

"Our Lord makes a disciple His own possession. He becomes responsible for him. “Ye shall be witnesses unto Me.” The spirit that comes in is not that of doing anything for Jesus, but of being a perfect delight to Him. The secret of the missionary is-- I am His, and He is carrying out His enterprises through me.

Be entirely His."

((Sept 6th))

"A river touches places of which its source knows nothing, and Jesus says if we have received of His fullness, and however small the visible measure of our lives, out of us will flow the rivers that will bless to the uttermost parts of the earth. We have nothing to do with the outflow, 'This is the work of God that ye believe…' God rarely allows a soul to see how great a blessing he is.

A river is victoriously persistent, it overcomes all barriers. For a while it goes steadily on its course, then it comes to an obstacle and for a while it is baulked, but it soon makes a pathway round the obstacle. Or a river will drop out of sight for miles, and presently emerge again broader and grander than ever. You can see God using some lives, but into your life an obstacle has come and you do not seem to be of any use. Keep paying attention to the SOURCE, and God will either take you round the obstacle or remove it. The river of the Spirit of God overcomes all obstacles. Never get your eyes on the obstacle or on the difficulty. The obstacle is a matter of indifference to the rivers which will flow steadily through you if you remember to keep right at the Source. Never allow anything to come between yourself and Jesus Christ-- no emotion, or experience-- nothing must keep you from the one great sovereign Source.

Think of all the healing and far-flung rivers nursing themselves in our souls! God has been opening up marvelous truths to our minds, and every point the has opened up is an indication of the wider power of the river He will flow through us.

If you believe in Jesus, you will find that God has nourished you in mighty torrents of blessing for others!"

Can I just say a huge, overwhelming, inspired and awe-filled AMMMEEEEENNNN!

Those are entries of My Utmost for His Highest. How does He do that? Right when you need it, the exact day that He knows you will read it... it amazes me. What splendor and wisdom and love belong to our God! I am just so filled by those words fat with promise and truth.

Let's just dream, people! I love his perspective of the fact that we'll never know how much we have blessed this earth and the people who fill it. That inspires me even more to stretch out my arms to this hurting planet. But like he says before that: it's not a spirit of doing, but a spirit of being. Delighting. Once we delight ourselves in Him, not only will we be a greater delight to people around us, but we will be the flutter in God's heart-- the twinkle in His eyes -- the laughter of His smile. When we get to that point of greatest desire and delight, we long, ache, and are desperate to pass that on to those who have nothing of Him. Delighting turns into doing, but doing cannot turn into delighting. Be entirely His. Be entirely His. Be entirely His...

Let the River flow in you, transform you, restore you, replacing the lusts of this world with the delights of heaven, reforming your ways, renewing your mind.

THEN let this magnificent River flow out of you... may it be multiplied and triplified to the uttermost parts of the earth. And may we all, in the mighty name of Jesus, be blessings to the extent that we will not be able to fathom in this world, but hopefully in the next. Every smile, every touch, every word, every breath bringing honor and glory to our God!

Dream on, dreamers. Dream on! Another world is possible... another world is here. Allow the Kingdom of Heaven to be your highest priority, and be honored that you are a worker of the fields, that YOU will see an incredible harvest!!!

love.

Chase the "Geadh-Glas"

New reading: Wild Goose Chase, by Mark Batterson

(sequel to In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day)

I cannot explain how timely this book is! Well actually, I can. If you've been keeping up with me, you know that I love my job, but I've been seeking my next task. He's been stirring my heart towards something, but has also not failed to remind me to patiently wait until He finishes this work in me. Hmph. Harder told than done.

I've been wanting to read this book for a while, but really haven't had much time to,

AND have been convicted to be more into His WORD than just books.

Which I still need to do more of. But I know that this is a divine appointment for me

in this season, as many I have read lately have been.

In the second chapter, Pastor Mark explains the situation of a man named Nehemiah.

Since I first heard his story, I have admired him. And I love how Mark compares our lives to his.

He writes, "Maybe you feel a little like Nehemiah. Your passion is Jerusalem, yet you're stuck

in Babylon... here's the best advice I can offer: be the best cupbearer you can be...

One of the greatest acts of worship is keeping a good attitude in a bad situation...

Nehemiah had an ordinary job, but he did the best he could with what he had where he was...

Nehemiah was successful long before he rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem.

I've found that if you're faithful in Babylon, God will bless you a thousand miles away."

And- "He loves leading us down the scenic route because that is where we learn our most

valuable lessons."

He also puts the act of our salvation in a way I've never heard before, and man, does it give me

a new reason to worship His goodness.

The Evidence Against Us:

"Peter's repetitive failures give us 3-dimensional pictures of God's grace.

Peter's impulsiveness led to a lot of moments of vulnerability. One of them happened just

a few hours before his denial. When the mob came to arrest Jesus, Peter pulled out the

sword and cut off the ear of a man named Malchus. Peter gets a bum rap for this,

but you've gotta give him credit. I don't see anyone else coming to Jesus' defense!

Now let me state the obvious: you don't cut off someone's ear and get away with it,

especially if that someone is the servant of the high priest. Peter was in a world

of legal trouble... We tend to ignore this subplot in the story, but it is one of the

clearest pictures of grace in the gospels. Jesus miraculously reversed the irreversible by

reattaching the man's amputated ear. But He did more than heal someone who had come

to crucify Him-- He also destroyed the evidence against Peter. Stop and think about it.

Malchus files suit against Peter, and a stenographer captures the cross-examination.

Malchus says, "Peter cut off my ear."

"Which ear?" the judge asks.

"Malchus says, "My right one."

The judge walks over to the witness stand and examines the ear. "It looks fine to me."

And the case gets thrown out of court for lack of evidence!

Through His crucifixion and resurrection Jesus destroyed the evidence against us.

But He did more than that.

Not only does our sin get paid for out of His account, but all of His righteousness gets credited

to our account.

"God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become

the righteousness of God."

It's like Jesus says, "You give me all of your sin. I'll give you all of My righteousness.

And we'll call it even." There is no greater moment and no greater feeling than

all of our guilt meeting all of God's grace.

And then, it gets even better, he talks about Paul and his trials of being shipwrecked

and snake-bit. All of his crazy missionary journeys were completely ordained by God,

even when it seemed as though nothing was going right. He uses the term "disoriented."

We are used to having orientations for the new things we experience: jobs, school, whatever.

But Jesus' often used disorientation to teach His disciples.

"He usually disorients us so He can reorient us."

It's literally speaking volumes to me, encouraging me greatly. I have felt disoriented

many times in my life (in my short 20 years so far). But He often loads me up with

revelation and wisdom and intimacy during those times, better than any other season could

ever bring. He says, "But the upside is that it causes us to seek God with a raw intensity

that cannot be manufactured any other way. Disorientation has a way of driving us to our

knees. And that is one reason why the bad things that happen to us can actually turn into

the best things that happen to us." But our response is everything. If we don't rightly

respond to our shipwrecks and rely on God, things can quickly go downhill.

That is when we let failure cage us, which is precisely what Mark is trying to steer us away from.

I am really inspired. I've been thinking, what could God possibly have for me?

The thoughts that come to my mind make me want to stay exactly where I am,

in my comforts and in my shell. Well, what's left of my shell.

I'm trying to hold on to it as much as possible! Only out of fear. Even though He has

used me countless times to prove that He can, I still hold back. As I was drifting

off to sleep the other night, I imagined myself on a stage preaching to thousands.

I'm not sure if this is normal... but I do this a lot. And that scares me. I understand that

there is such a thing as healthy fear, but I think I'm way past that! It's not that

I'm not ready for that ( in factI don't think we're ever "ready" for anything), if He

should choose to use me in that way, it just frightens me.

I've never enjoyed attention. Hate being called out, even complimented, in front of people.

Insecurity would probably be the psychological word for that, huh?

I feel like whatever this next job is, it's going to be a big one. Possibly huge.

Not that we can compare jobs of eternity like we compare jobs of this world.

I believe every single thing we do has eternal value. But for me, it will be huge,

in terms of personal growth and ministry development. Being here has been a significant

growth process for me. Oh Lord, what is around the corner...

My soul waits for you, My God.

I've come far to find you here

In this place will I draw near.

And Your Spirit soars me

to the highest heights.

I will not look back

I'll keep trusting you.

For I know You are faithful.

For I know You are faithful, My God.

From the land of the barren

we'll cry out for rain.

Fill our hearts God.

I'll keep trusting You...