SCARED.

SCARED

Tom Davis

"The utter depravity of these terrible acts, the sheer poverty and sickness, death, and sadness-- these things can weigh down your soul and render it weak and useless, or they can stir your soul to life in a way that changes you. And other people as a result. I believe this is God's way."

This book has gripped my heart in a way very similar to what the Shack did (if you've read that one, you REALLY understand). Staged in the life of a Time magazine photojournalist, and also through the perspective of a Swaziland orphan battling the AIDS crisis among many other injustices in her life, this book delivers a life-changing message. Maybe it's my missionary heart, but I sobbed through almost the entire 283 pages! And I finished it in about 3 hours. I won't write a major review, but that should clue you in on how awesome it is. Now, by awesome, I do not mean YAY! awesome. It is gut-wrenchingly intense, graphic, and terrible. But I strongly believe in choosing to take the scales off our eyes and realize what the rest of the world deals with on an every day basis. It's not peaceful. It's not happy. It's real. And thankfully, God is moving. Sometimes in nearly invisible ways. But He is at work, and we are victorious over this world!

Every time I read this kind of book, watch this kind of movie, or visit these kinds of places, there is a certain instinct that kicks in and wants to totally take control-- it is that of immense and exuberant compassion; one that might be damaging to myself, in a way, but in the moment I could care less.

I have always had a heart for Africa. What Christian hasn't? I think it is the most well-known country in need. Maybe because it is the biggest? Or is that Russia? Anyways, as I'm engulfing myself in the pages of this book, my heart is pounding and my spirit is urging, "You have to do something!" There is a great line where one of the reporters replies that we often see the big picture and focus on all the major things we would have to accomplish in order to fix this big problem, and in the process of doing that we can miss out on the small things that we can do to help. I need to write that on my wall somewhere... wise words that will protect me from hopping on the next plane to South Africa and selling everything I have. (not that its necessarily a bad thing!)

I experienced this overwelming feeling when we were in India. At every street corner there was a tattered, nappy-headed, snotty child begging you for money. One girl literally pinched me through the bars of a rickshaw to get my attention. That broke me. My team had to rely entirely on the Holy Spirit to give us discernment and wisdom in our giving, as most "poor" people often aren't really poor. It's a sad, sad world. I can remember one day we had this scavenger hunt. We separated into different teams and scattered around the city trying to complete all the tasks on our list. One was to buy shoes for someone. Well, as we were browsing in one of the markets, we found some little friends. 3 girls, if I remember correctly. All bare-footed. So we bought them the CUTEST shoes we could find in the store. We happened to pass by the same place a couple days later, saw the same girls, and not one of them were wearing their gifts. It's moments like those when you question if anything you do is making a difference; if you are being a light that pierces the ever-present darkness; if you are truly loving in all of your actions allowing God to show off through your life.

Scared also sympathizes the doubts that we all secretly hold in our minds... "How can God be here, in the midst of all this evil? How can He sit back and do nothing?" It is in those questions that we often forget what has already been done for us. The precious blood of Jesus. When you read the book you will see that even in horrible circumstances, God's promises never change. This truth is proved many times, not only in these pages, but in the many inspired pages of scripture.

It is my prayer and my greatest desire to travel this earth and teach, love, learn, change and be changed. I think there is such a special thing about missions... something about going to an unknown place, with unknown people, experiencing fear mixed with excitement (and often stomach issues caused by unknown foods). I am absolutely thrilled for my next journey, whenever that may be! And in the meantime, I have the opportunity of sowing the "small" seeds, working for the Kingdom in seemingly small ways, without the negative effects of jet lag and food that crawls! Hallelujah, I accept my task, Lord!

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing the let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27

He is here...

GOD is in the waiting.

"Be still and know He is God. He is here. He is here."

I started this blog last week- time to finish! Sometimes distraction comes so easily.

I'd like to look back on the last month or two and count how often I've blogged about the subject of waiting.

I think it's been quite often :) It's because I'm still trying to wrestle out this season. I was calm and just enjoyed the ride for a little while, but now it's becoming a struggle again. Is it almost over? Am I almost there? When, God, when?!?!

It can be very frustrating. But in my discretion, conviction, and true desire to be the obedient daughter, I will not budge until He says so. I will not make a decision until it has been confirmed multiple times. And so far... nadda. But it's coming. I know it's coming.

Wait patiently upon the LORD.

I've been very encouraged by Elizabeth Elliot. In reference to the whole "God, where am I going, what am I supposed to do with my life?" subject, I have encouragement to offer.

"If we set ourselves to the pursue the wise and loving and holy will of our Heavenly Father, we'll find that happiness comes-- quietly, in unexpected ways, and as the byproduct of sacrifice."

"I don't need to know the way. I need only to trust my Guide."

Job 23:10, "He knows the way I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold."

Testing. Not an easy subject. But it is definitely necessary for us to not only learn and grow, but to flourish and thrive. I was reading through my Twitter today and Pastor Steven Furtick had posted something about how the only way out is through. You've gotta keep going.

He knows my way. I'm on the way to becoming good as gold! It's a weary, lonely, and painful process to be refined. Someone gave me this poem years ago, (I wish I knew where it was!) describing a virtuous woman. I remember a part about a diamond... how she started out as a piece of coal but was transformed and refined into this beautiful jewel. It's not like you can just spit-shine it. It's a process. It's a journey.

Or a pearl, for example. How much are they worth? And they come from a disgusting, slimy oyster! What a cool picture of who we are and who we are made to be. God has purposed for beautiful, meaningful, valuable things to come forth in our lives. Aka, pearls and diamonds.

I looked up the word "refine" and it means to free from impurities, to make pure and perfect.

What imperfections and impurities do I need to release? You know, we can choose to be unrefined.

It's actually becoming like a fad amongst Christians nowadays-- allowing room for impurities because we can't be TOO different from other people or they won't want anything to do with us. Where did that reasoning come from? Uhhhh maybe the pit of hell? That's why people don't want to be like us is because there isn't a major, genuine, drastically different change in our lives. Whatever "convictions" you do or don't have, just remember-- you are Jesus to people in this world.

Why do you think most people were drawn to Jesus? There was something distinctly different in Him. Something pure, radiant, and loving. We read about how before He started His ministry, He was tested and tried in the desert with satan himself. He had to be refined before He could be assigned with a ministry to change the world.

This is turning out a lot different than I had in mind. Maybe it's the Holy Spirit!

What are your dreams? Like, besides being a rockstar. What do you really want to do while you're here in this earth? How do you want to make a difference? I know I have huge dreams in my heart. They scare the poo out of me, but they are there. And I know it's because God has placed destiny and purpose inside of me. It's inside of you, too. But we must go through these times of refinement in order to get to the huge and awesome assignment that He has planned for us. If not, we won't reach the greatness that He has intended. Or worse, we will not personally be prepared and we will fall.

I encourage you to DREAM BIG no matter what, but don't forget the process in between the promise and the pay off. There is much to be done in our lives before we can be responsible for so many lives of others. Let Him refine you. And be patient in your process! (preaching to myself)

Philippians 1:6

Wisdom. Dreams, Destiny.

I have finally finished Bobbie Houston's book, I'll Have What She's Having. This woman is legit. I am so stinkin' excited to be going to Sydney next summer (speaking in faith...) and hopefully will get to meet her. I just love her heart and her passion!! So contagious. As it should be.

Here's some good stuff for you:

"When the Word is entwined in and through your life, nothing can prevail against you because nothing can prevail against the Living Word!"

"The stretching always preempts the blessing."

"Wisdom is applied knowledge that makes you skillful in living life to the fullest."

"Two-thirds of God's name is GO!"

"Read and respond to your Bible; listen and respond when the Word is brought to you. This produces faith which enables us to receive grace which then empowers us in life and ministry."

"When pastoring beautiful people don't get confused or frustrated by the challenge of human nature. The people are NOT the enemy!"

"Leadership demands that we rise above hurt and keep going. Clearly recognize and overcome challenges, and learn to deal victoriously with anything seeking to sabotage your destiny."

"Conviction will cause someone to draw on their faith and examine themselves first."

"It is impossible to be filled with God and have nothing to show for it. Your life will display wonderful qualities which you will carry into every situation, room, and conversation."

"Don't allow anything to bring division in your life."

"Bring everything into the light of Christ-- the enemy only has authority to traffic in darkness. Allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart and you'll stand strong, having authority to rule well in God's House because your own house is diligently taken care of."

"Leadership is about helping people put their lives together again... and armed with the anointing of God's Spirit, we can birth big, beautiful things beyond our wildest dreams."

"I believe the seeds of greatness are within us all. The key is in creating the correct environment for them to then surface to reality."

"RISE UP WOMAN OF GOD! Rise up, fall in love with your Creator, get over what contains you, discover your purpose, and start coloring your world with the love of God!"

She shares so much practical wisdom, mostly from what she has experienced in their ministry. I am so encouraged by other people's victories. It reminds me to share about my own more often!

I have yet to share one of my favorite quotes with you... this statement has shaped my entire life, even though I've just recently read it. The concept has been more than a conviction, it's been a calling. I am now beginning to see why..

"The mark of leadership is in the fact that your life is not your own, and you have the responsibility to 'get it right' for the sake of those watching."

That may seem like a simple sentence to you, but it preaches volumes to me! I used to actually get a little angry at that voice in my head always pushing me to do right. I didn't know the greatness that He was urging me to step into. I still don't really get it. But I don't think we ever will! I used to tense up when I would face the horrifying fact that there is no way to know what is in my future. Now, I'm very glad that I don't. I think I would be too terrified to go any further!

It is just breaking my heart to think of all the people that will never choose to tap into their God-given potential and reach their destiny. I don't understand how people can get so bogged-down with the depressions of this world that it completely blinds them to the rights and inheritance and blessings we are destined to receive as children of the Almighty God. I am so, so, so, so, SO grateful for His Spirit that gives me the faith to see into His heart. Every time I am tempted to step off this road, I am overwelmed with the truth of how it affects Him. But even more, its like I can't compromise AT ALL. There is something that has taken root and changed everything! It's wonderful!!! I cannot brag in anything of myself. It was HIM who revealed Himself to me, HIM who opened my mind to His Word, HIM who transformed my desires, and HIM who taught me that a disciplined life is a delightful life. The only thing I did was simply act on choice. I chose to love Him, and it has made all the difference.

All I Need.

I'm not even sure how I am up writing this blog right now. Kids Camp ended this morning. Due to having a very spirited and awesome team, I didn't get much sleep at all the last several days. My body is aching from being repeatedly hit in the dunking booth and slamming my bottom on the ground because the booth was apparently not made to be comfortable for people over 5 foot. On the bright side, it was an incredibly encouraging time. I am not disappointed; it was just different than last year. Did God show up? Absolutely! He did amazing things in the hearts of these kids. I think we were so scared and scattered and stressed last year that the Holy Spirit HAD to blow us away or we would have not survived. Ha!

I have a great story for you! One of our nights was the theme "Life's a journey, don't stop believin'," and we had painted a yellow brick road around the sanctuary. Colleene used it as her illustration of how God has planned a specific path for us to travel on during our life-- a path that is smooth and straight. A little girl, Kiaya, who is about 6 or 7 years old, tells Kim (her counselor) about her "Jesus sighting" that she had while we were all praying during the alter call. She told her that as Kim was praying, she saw Jesus sitting beside her in the seat, and He was smiling and so happy. Then she said that she also saw Him sitting next to me, the Yellow Team counselor, and that I am on the yellow brick road, doing exactly what I need to be doing.
Yes, God is wonderful. These kids... they see things and know things and experience things that I pray I would see, know, and experience in my walk with God at the age of 20! I am constantly being taught by them what it truly means to have faith and just let God be God. He IS real. He DOES move. All we have to do is believe and watch Him at work. (I have shivers just thinking about her words-- SO encouraging!!)

I am thankful that it's done, and I pray that the kids got so much out of it. My favorite was when we walked outside and let balloons go to represent that we are surrendering everything to Him. Our dreams, our futures, our lives. We let it go. It was sweet! And I'm always amazed at how God continually uses my life experiences to help and encourage other young girls in what they are going through. Phew, it's a good job.

This is what's been going through my mind lately:
how awesome is it to be a Christian?! I was looking around me at the wonderful people, leaders, moms and dads that God has placed in my life to challenge and build me up; how each and every one of us has something to offer to complete the work that God is doing throughout the world; how His Word is living- it changes us! How He uses so many ways to bless us and provide for us. I don't know... it's hard to explain. It's just been on my heart recently. How wonderful it really is to be called His family. I am forever awed by the simple things in life, the every day gifts and wonders of knowing Him and receiving from Him. It's too deep for me to put into words! He's great!!!!

I might have said this already... my mind is nearly gone. But the other week I just needed some good, quiet time with Him. I was walking outside by the water, and I was praying and praying that He would bring dolphins by. I just love them so much, and I felt so low that day, I just needed it, you know? Well, they never came. So I was getting a little mad at Him. I had been working hard, and all I wanted to see was a dolphin. He is God, it would not be hard to send a dolphin swimming by my house.
I went back inside really disappointed, but I enjoyed the beautiful sunset and took it for what it was worth. Well, the next day (which used to be our day off) we were working our Sno-Cone stand, and one of our friends asked if we wanted to go out on the boat. Uhh, not a hard one to answer! So a big group of us got to go out and swim and enjoy yet another beautiful sunset from the bow of a boat. And, guess what else we saw. Not just one, but at least 10 dolphins kept coming up all around us. One was probably 7 feet from the boat! And then they were jumping up out of the water. My little heart was so blessed, and so convicted. I had felt Him say to me "Keep waiting," and I thought it had been for THAT day, at THAT time. But it turned out that He had a much bigger thing awaiting me the very next day.

See what I mean? So many lessons and wonderful things for us in this life!! And though I've been exhausted, He has remained attentive and responsive to my needs and desires. Gosh, it's too much for me right now. Not enough sleep = overly emotional! I'll say good night. I hope that story, as insignifact as it may seem, will give you hope that He has something for you-- sometimes you've just gotta wait. Now I have a clearer picture of His promises... they are well worth the wait, no matter how long. He loves you and will always, always, always do what He says He will do.

Be blessed my friends, wherever you are and in whatever task He has appointed to you. Be faithful, as He is always faithful to us!
Love you!