"Love like that."

I'm reading in Eph. 5, which is probably my favorite CHAPTER in the Bible. I have to clarify that, because I have other BOOKS that are my favorites. I know that you probably needed to know that, right? Anyway... I'm in the phase again where I am crrraaavvviiinngg God's Word. I went one day this weekend without reading (and watched a really REALLY stupid movie, thanks to JoJo, Melody, and Bryce. Geez) and I felt so bad. Not really guilty, just bad. Like I needed some really good food and all I got was trash. So that brings me to tonight. I'm oddly not sleepy, considering we stayed at the church all day today getting ready for our Parent Meeting tonight. Here I am, reading Bible Gateway, and totally soaking it in to every part of me & finding myself wanting so much more.
Listen to this...

"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that...
The bright light of Christ makes your way plain...Figure out what will please Christ, then DO it...Don't waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It's a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ. Wake up from your sleep, Climb out of your coffins; Christ will show you the light! So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants.
Don't drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ."

I just HAD to put that whole thing here. It's too good!! Those first couple verses really get me. Keep company with God and learn to live a life of love. He doesn't love cautiously. Praise Him that His love is extravagant and flamboyant! He loves so that He can give of Himself and pour into us. Dang... love like that.
I'm always asking, begging, pleading, that He would teach me to love. I think sometimes I focus too much on "steps" and "procedures" and perfect conditions and I forget to just DO what pleases Him. Love. Just love. Love like Him.

I put that phrase on my Facebook: Figure out what will please Christ, then do it.
Sounds so simple, eh? It seems so unfortunate that we have fallen from perfection. It's like our hopes for living to please Him have been so weakened because of our flesh, our human-ness. We so often fall into the lies of our fallen nature. The Bible makes it crystal clear: Figure out what pleases Him. Then do it. There you go!

I keep listening to this song from the Phoenix Masters Commission. "If there's anything left I haven't given, anything left disguised or hidden... I can feel You pullin me far away from what used to be... tired of feelin the same old feelin, I wanna move on to what I'm dreamin...
Anything that's left to do, anything I've kept from You... I don't wanna fear when You bring change, make Yourself at home in me. You see the picture of my life. So much better in the end."

So encouraging. According to Ephesians 5, Christ's light makes our way plain. We don't have to fear when change comes, when trouble comes, when uncertainty lingers.
I am becoming more and more convinced that God really does have it all under control. No matter what. He is the Boss. I am living my life in passionate pursuit of Him, figuring out what I need to do to please Him, letting His light expose the darkness in my heart. And He promises me the "future I hope for." I can't stop believing. Gotta hold on to that feeeeelin' :)
And love like that.

Yeah, let's love like that.

A Bigger Bowl.

Alright, I have to get this off my chest. For the last several weeks, I've been having a rough time. Just in general. Work has been GREAT, and I'm SO ready for Kids Camp. But it's like when I have time to realize where I am in life, there is something missing. Or better put, I feel like there are greater things for me. Now, I need you to know that I am most certainly not being boastful or exalting myself in any way. I'm simply saying that I feel a greater call on my life, and I think God is seriously preparing me for it.

To explain the title of this one, I was watching a sermon from Steven Furtick, and I thought some ice cream might go great with the Word of God :) So I got up and picked out my favorite little cup-- it's like a short, fat tea-cup. I love it! I'm not sure why. Well, I didn't hold back on the ice cream. I filled that little cup, and even put more than I should have. Then I continued to sprinkle some choclate chips on top (my fav!). As I was walking back to my room, I heard a little "tink" on the floor, and hoped my mom didn't hear it, too. Yeah, she did. And she does not like food on the floor. So she says, kind of hurtfully, "Candice! You should have gotten a bigger bowl!"

As I walked back to my room, this revelation came to me. In this present season (and it has literally been a PRESENT-- God has done so much!) I am too full. It's like my heart is spilling over. But many people don't understand, and they aren't comfortable with me. Of course it hurts my feelings because I'm the "I want everyone to be happy and love one another, especially me!" kind of person. God has been so faithful and sweet to encourage me through my incredible friends and brothers & sisters in Christ. Still, it's been hard.

Back to the greatness thing:
One of our speakers in YWAM had prophesied over me, and the words he said seemed to fit so well with my past and where I had been before YWAM. Now I'm seeing how it so perfectly fits now, too. He talked about my name, and said "Cand-ice" means that I'm like a can-- there is so much inside of me, but I've kept it "canned up" because people at home either don't understand where I'm going or what I'm doing. Then for "ice", he used Prov. 11:25, those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed. He told me whatever ministry God would have me in, I would be like a refreshing glass of ice-water to those around me. Well, I don't know about that part, but I'm feeling the whole CANNED thing right now.

In a way, it gives me so much hope for my future. To know that my purpose as a child of God is to live in the greatness, prosperity, joy, and blessings of the Lord is so awesome! I was thinking about that today... the wonders of being an adopted child of the Creator, Sustainer, and Ruler of all that is known and unknown... it's indescribable!

I also received a much MUCH needed word from my dear friend, Jillian, the other night. We talked for like 2 hours, which was much needed in and of itself. She gave me Habakkuk 2:1. He says that he will climb up and sit on his watchtower and wait until God answers him. It's definitely encouraging to know that I'm the right path of seeking His answers and direction, but that one little word is so difficult... "wait."
Why can't we wait?!?! It's like THE most difficult thing for us to do. Especially when God asks us to. But I have no choice, do I? And I keep asking Him to not only reveal His plans for me in HIS time, but also to continue teaching me here. It has always been a goal of mine to remain teachable. I think the ultimate source of that is humility.
I also realize that there is no other place on earth that I would rather be than smack-dab in the middle of His will for me. Whatever plans, tasks, or assignments He has, I welcome them! Here, for example, has been a struggle since the moment I joined staff. I agree with Bobbie Houston when she says that the ministry of people is beautiful, but very exhausting! I would never trade this time. But that doesn't take away the yearning in my spirit to move on to the next mission He has ordained for me.

This really spoke to me, too: "Only after we have learned to prioritze faithfulness rather than results are we ready for the next truth: Christ is the door opener...the Holy Spirit has to prepare the way and go before us through the door. That's how it opens! Otherwise, it's either the wrong door or the wrong time."

Praise Him for His faithfulness to me, to you, and to all His redeemed children. He is the Preparer of the Way, the most loving Father who wants the ultimate best for His kids!

I pray that You wouldn't let me wander off Your path. No even one step to the right or the left. I've lost myself for good within Your promise, and I'm going wherever You would have me go! Thank you for making the seasons of my life beautiful in YOUR perfect timing. And thank you for calling me Yours!!

"There's no where I would rather be than with You..."

Johnny-Boy

Wow. It feels like decades since I've updated. No words can describe how busy, chaotic, and wonderfully productive we have been these past couple weeks. With our Kids Camp just around the corner, anxiety is trying its best to take over our minds. But praise God that He gives us the mind of Christ and carries our burdens daily. He is the best, don't you agree?!

So I need to take some time and focus my thoughts on something. I just watched the 100th video cast from YWAM Denver. It was so good! It almost brought me to tears-- that place is like home to me. Or better. It has taken such an intimately special place in my heart. God worked so many wonders in my life while I was being discipled there. And it was FUN! I can't imagine my life without the experience those people provided for me; a place where my heart and soul were tenderized and made ready to hear the voice of my Maker, where I had so many spiritual ups and downs and came out a much stronger and wiser follower of Jesus Christ. *SIGH* So much joy and sadness at the same time! I long to receive richly from Him like I did while I was there...

Speaking of, I finally finished the book on John. Beth ended it so beautifully despite the confusing and dreadful words of John's revelation of the end of times. I've never realized how annointed and set apart that man was. And oh, how he loved his Best Friend and Savior. If you don't mind, I'll just share some quote-age from her ending chapters:

"During our stay on this earth, we are to be like trees of life bringing forth much fruit in our seasons so others can 'taste and see that the Lord is good.'"
"He prepares an inconceivable place for those who receive His love. He highly esteems those who choose to believe His call over the paralyzing screams of their own insecurities. No, our names won't be written on the foundations of the New Jerusalem, but they ARE engraved in the palms of His hands."
"Worship in its simplest essence is attentiveness."
"Christ has invested everything on earth into His church. He willingly fills her, frees her, purifies her, and restores her, but He never takes His eyes off her. Lives are at stake. Church matters. Bride, make yourself ready!"
"Better to pour out our lives in places unknown than to become dry bones in the places we've always been."

That last statement really blew me away. Read it again. Maybe it's just me, but that is an intense thing to say! She is referring to the time in John's life where he wasn't mentioned in scripture like the other apostles. She calls it "obscurity". I am so encouraged by this statement: The answers God is willing to give us in our tomorrows often flow from our faithfulness when we have none today.

BAM!!! Ok, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but bear with me. John was in "unknown places" while we find ourselves mostly reading about Paul's story in the New Testament. But God didn't just let John go his own way. He used it to prepare him for the ultimate Revelation of His plan. Wherever you are in your walk next to Him, be encouraged by this. Even when we don't have answers, even when we feel obscure and insignificant, God wants to use up every milisecond of our days to prepare us for the next task He has for us. Be attentive!

In my Bible study, Beth shares a new twist on a miracle we read about in Acts 3:1-7. This beggar was healed, but it was because of a few minor details. He looked at Peter and John, which caused him to more effectively listen to what they were saying, which in turn altered his feelings, manifesting a change in his expectations. In Psalms, when David says the words "I lift my eyes to You," it represents a gesture of deep longing. God wants our eyes fixed upward like someone down on her knees at His feet.

Yeah I know I'm all over the place, but I'm processing all of this, too. When we are in the desert places, the unknown places, the dark places, where do we find ourselves looking? If we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, we are more prone to actually hear what He is trying to say to us, which will bring a change of what we expect Him to do for us, in us, and through us. Like John, who held on during the seemingly insignificant seasons of his life, we can receive much revelation, wisdom, direction, and affection from our God. I love His name, El Roi, the God who sees me. Even when I so often look away, His gaze is ever upon me. Beth says it perfectly, "Somehow in His limitless capacity to love, nurture, and watch over us, Christ can attend to each of us as if we are the only one in the world."

I hope you stayed with me through the "obscurity" of this blog. Ha! Sometimes there is so much in my heart that I want to share, and so much in my head that I've learned and I need to get out in order to process it all. Did you follow me? Alright, overall point: Keep your eyes upward, longing looking and expecting great and awesome wonders from our Lord. Even in our weird times and seasons, He has His amazing plans. Keep looking!!

One more example! It just came to me. Have you ever known someone all your life, but suddenly one day you really look at them. You notice the details of their face. And you think to yourself, "I've known them so long, but I've never really looked intently at them." Well, that happens to me a lot! I might be a freak, but I still catch myself realizing new things about people I've known since I've been alive! And isn't that an incredible thing about God?! We think we have seen every part of Him and learned all the ways He'll work, and then He totally surprises us. We notice a wrinkle, or a new freckle, or that He has a certain way that He laughs. Figuratively speaking, of course. Except the laughing part. We've shared in many a laughs together :)

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.

And the things of earth

will grow strangely dim

in the light of His glory and grace.

It is for freedom...

Today as we all focus on the many lives that were taken in exchange for our freedom, my heart is drawn to a different kind of freedom. Yes, I am thankful that we are not controlled by our government (at least for the most part). Pretty much all they want is our money, and in turn we as Americans get to live the life of free people. It really is a wonderful thing, and I am very thankful for it. Though much pride, selfishness, and corruption have motivated the development of this country, there is also much good as well. It's just my nature to tend to focus on the negatives, so I will spare you the drawn-out injustices that we as the US participate in. I want to change the focus to Jesus, for He is the only One we should ultimately thank for the true freedom we have today.

I just watched a video about Love146 an organization that fights the injustices of human sex traficking, especially trafficking of children. I watched, in tears, the co-founder tell the story of how God called them specifically to this injustice. There are so many, thousands and thousands, of people, children, who have no freedom. No rights. Not even names. I cannot even put into words how angry, upset, and disgusted this makes me feel... and how helpless it seems we are compared to such a huge world-wide industry. How on earth could we even put a dent in the evil that has engulfed our world?

Well, a wise woman once said that we can only do small things with great Love. And I stand behind that completely. Instead of being overwelmed with all the crime and injustice, lets just ask Him what passion He has knitted within us. For me, its kids. For you, maybe it's AIDS work or poverty or the enviornment. He has placed so many desires within us, GOOD desires, which we can see fulfilled if we would just take the time to search our hearts and His.

I love this from Galations 5- "For you have been called to freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in LOVE. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

My mind always gets lost in the concept of love. Real love. It's such a powerful thing that I underestimate constantly. My prayer will always be that God would show me how to love. Our views of love are so skewed and perverted. As Jesus said, true love is laying your life down for others. I take that as more than just dying. Actually, He probably means living. Living in a way that takes all the focus off of you and returns it to the glory to God; in a way that causes you to literally spend your energy and time loving Him and loving people. I understand that there is a balance in all things, but I feel like I don't do that enough. I feel like there is more praying, more working, more hugging, more investing, more Love to be done in my life. There always will be!

Let us not use our freedom for ourselves. I want to be a servant to all. I want to see captives freed and loved for once in their lives. There is so much to be done, but there is so little for each one of us to do. We are a team, people! Let's start to function like one! Love is in the little things, allowing the Greatest Love of All to have free reign in our bodies. The Church has the potential to be the most magnificient thing in this world. A Bride, a Lover, one that the gates of Hell will never overcome. We're not quite there yet, but God-willing and us-yielding, we can see His Church perform great miracles and accomplish her purpose! That gets me excited!! And it challenges me to live in that truth. We CAN do all things through Christ.


So enjoy the freedom that you experience today! And remember that your world is not THE world. We have a mission while we are here-- LOVE!!!!