His kingdom is coming. My faith is rising.

"I believe in a kingdom that's not of this world. I believe in a Way that's much more real than what we know. I believe in a day when we'll see the reign of a King on the earth.

His kingdom is coming. I believe! "

I'm taking some time to read back through the book that we studied during the SSJ, Quest for Hope in the Slum Community. Wow. I look forward to having more time to focus and process a lot of this material. Tonight I'm in chapter 17 titled Champions of Justice. I'm going to summarize some of it, type a lot of quotes, and rant when I feel like it. It's both refreshing and painful to go back through this stuff. I wouldn't have it any other way. This is becoming the beat of my heart. In Mother Teresa's words, " 'I have chosen you to be Mine.' That is our vocation (calling). Our means, how we spend our time, may be different, but a vocation is not a means. Vocation, for a Christian, is Jesus." I'm leery of using the word "calling" these days, for reasons I will explain later. I understand my purpose of existence is to be in a loving, surrendered relationship with my Creator. And I'm beginning to see how I live that out, what I do with my time, is going to be serving people-- often broken, poor people; some young, some old; some eaten with disease, some very healthy; some in physical slavery, some in spiritual slavery; all needing to be touched, to be loved, to be taught about a compassionate God who sees them and feels their pain.

All of that said, here's some encouragement from my book:

C.S. Lewis wrote, "Despair is a greater sin than any of the sins that provoke it." And surely for Christians looking at our incredibly evil world of injustice and oppression, despair can always be found lurking at the door of our hearts, waiting to hobble us the moment we begin to take our first steps forward. After all, what can we do? How can we make a difference in a world of such massive and brutal injustice?

... in the face of such brutal injustice that rivals anything, anywhere on our globe today, courageous Christians simply refused to despair. Thankfully, America has never been the same. (Look up the stories of Kate Bushnell, Edgar Murphy, and Jessie Daniel Ames)

When I raise my eyes, even for a moment, to the history of God's courage expressed in His people, I find hope and steadiness of heart. I so easily lose all perspective and hope... the injustice and oppression in the world is powerful, relentless, and pervasive, but as these three faithful witnesses attest, we are neither without a foothold to withstand its blows nor powerless to rescue those pulled under by its force. There is a testimony of great hope in seeing how God has used ordinary people from all nations, extraordinary in their faith, to bring rescue to those who were hurting.

"We hope because of what we've already experienced. Christian hope is both possession and yearning, repose (rest) and activity, arrival and being on the way. Since God's victory is certain, believers can work both patiently and enthusiastically, blending careful planning with urgent obedience, motivated by the patient impatience of the Christian hope." --David Bosch

* I love this quote! The description of our hope being "patient impatience" makes so much sense to me. All things happen in His timing, I know. This shouldn't, however, hinder me from acting now and making choices that usher His kingdom into my life and the lives of those around me. It is truly both arrival and being on the way. Oh Lord Jesus, come! And give me an expectant heart to give everything even when I don't see Your coming.

"It was a stupendous victory of the evil one... to have tempered our expectation to the point of compromise, to have given up the hope for wholesale transformation of the status quo, to have been blind to our own responsibility for and involvement in a world en route to its fulfillment."

-- Ouch. In the words of Dean Sherman, "Wake up, Church!" We must face our own failure in this area of living the words and commands of Jesus. Satan really has deceived us in that it's only for certain people to care for the poor, or to be intimately involved in the lives of others, or whatever. We have failed. But we don't have to be stuck in that failure. Let's start today: believing that God is working, that people's lives are being transformed by the Gospel, that we have the awesome opportunity AND responsibility to be a part of the kingdom of God changing this world. We must uphold the standard of a holy life, refusing to accept that it is no longer necessary. We must hold hope. As another book says, we have to say yes to the words of Jesus before we hear them.

Micah 6:8, "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

And these are the questions that go through my mind every single day, that I have yet found answers to. Maybe it's not about the answers anymore. Do something anyway. Do it scared, do it with doubts, but do it.

What great work of justice might God perform through us, in our time, to the glory of Christ?

How might God renew through us the witness for biblical justice in the world?

What child in bonded labor in India, what girl held in prostitution in Manila, what innocent man rotting in a Kenyan jail might yet stand and testify that the hand of a faithful God touched them and loved them through the obedience of Christians who refused to despair?

where we meet.

Darling Your love is healing. It makes the bitter sweet.

Warms the winter to spring again

secures the cold's defeat.

A very simple sentence in a prayer took my imagination captive today. All he said was something about quieting yourself, just being in your secret place with God. My closed eyes allowed my wandering mind to form what my secret place looks like-- down in the depths of my heart and soul, where would I like to meet with Him? I first imagined a beautiful quaint garden, surrounded by flowers, the sunlight dim yet present, the grass bright green and as soft as a baby blanket. Me, there, in a white sundress. My Love there, too.

Just talking. Just sitting.

But as I thought more, I envisioned something like a villa on the edge of the sea. Maybe an infinity pool, just because it's my imagination and that would be amazing to have.

Yet even still, I think my secret place would be the open ocean, on a smooth sailboat, with saltiness on my face and in my hair. The quietnessof the calm water. The beauty of the sunset sky. What precious communion that would be. I wonder if this is what it can be. The satisfaction of my longings found simply in the willingness to stop, be still, and go there. To set my attention on that place, on His face. To stop running after these other lovers and just sail away together, only us. If only there was such self-control that I could stay there with Him always. Maybe someday.

As for now...

We're adrift on a sailboat.

My love is the sea.

Yours is the horizon

constant and steady.

The tide is out, the moon is high

we're sailing.

We're Baaaaaack!

Hi from Denver, Colorado! We are back in the states and it is COLD! I am happy to be here and see everyone, but my heart is still aching. What an amazing 6-ish weeks those were. I can't thank Him enough.

Our last week of outreach was the hardest. We went every day to the orphanage, except for one when we went into the city. The kids had a special service for us-- they had drawn their handprints out on paper and one of the workers wrote some phrases in English, "thank you for using your hands to help us," and some scriptures. So sweet. Some of them stood up and thanked each member of our team for spending time with them and playing with them, and that they were going to miss us. We received cards and hugs and kisses. Then we had a huge dance party! It was amazing. Gosh, I miss them. All of us cried when we said goodbye on Sunday. But let's not talk about that part.

So our debrief week in Denver was crazy. We had individual meetings with staff members to talk about our trip, what we learned, how we feel we grew, etc. And we had a meeting all together, praying for each other and encouraging each other. It was nice. I love YWAM and the people I know because of it, but it sure does stink to leave everyone you've spent half a year with. More of my heart was given and taken to different countries, different states. Deep, genuine friendship is such a blessing. Speaking of friends, if you've seen my pictures on facebook, you will notice that we stayed in a beautiful, expensive hotel for a night thanks to a great friend on our team. It was too good for words... we took so many showers, HOT showers, spent most of our time in the beds or down at the spa. It was glorious. A perfect gift after an amazing outreach, but one still filled with exhaustion. Rest is definitely a luxury at times.

Currently I am in Gunnison, CO, a quaint little mountain town northwest of Denver. It's nice, but extremely cold. We were outside in the hot tub the other night and my hair was frozen. For real. It's cold! I'll be here until... maybe tomorrow or maybe next week. I'm literally living by the day and it's so hard for me! God has been teaching me a lot about trusting Him with little things in life, and letting go of worrying about planning and having everything figured out. I thought I had already grown in this area, but this is really surprising me now. I have an overall idea of what life will look like for the next couple weeks but nothing is certain. There is so much freedom in choosing to not worry about your life. I think it's a balance between being responsible with what you're given and at the same time holding that so loosely that if major change comes, you're not devastated or disappointed. I have much to share about what most of our team was challenged with as a whole-- it's a bit of a theological mind-blow, but it's been an amazing subject to wrestle through with Him. I will continue to wrestle with it for my whole life, I am sure. It's about free will versus God's will. Does God give you a specific calling and plan, or is it more like Him putting gifts and unique things inside of you & letting you live out your life, making decisions and doing things while staying in close friendship with Him. We listened to a sermon by Bill Johnson on a rainy afternoon one day; it was on friendship with God, going beyond obedience. I'll have to look at my notes and let you know about it later, when I am settled somewhere and actually have time to focus and process things. (Is that an unrealistic expectation? I feel like it might be!)

All in all, I am back in the USA, not totally happy with that, but ready and excited to be with people I love in Alabama and the other places I'll be stopping by on my way home. Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement throughout our trip. Honestly, it was the time of my life, and I am blessed beyond measure.

Happy Almost Valentine's Day! Talk to you/ see you soon!