"Supply for what is wanting in me..."

"This my new vocation has been one prolonged 'Yes' to God, without even a look at the cost. I know for certain He has asked, 'Will you do this for me?'

Everything was His, I had only to surrender myself to His plan, to His will."

Mother Teresa. I am reading a compilation of her letters that she wrote throughout her lifetime in Calcutta. Besides the fact that I can't pronounce all the foreign names, and my Catholic lingo is not up to par, I'm being so challenged by her life-story.

I really loved the fact that she received her salvation at the age of 5 and felt the call to missions at 12. "From childhood, the heart of Jesus has been my First Love." (How important it is to encourage & teach our children in the way they should go!) At 18, she left home and ventured to a far away country to do what she believed God had purposed for her to do.

"Pray for your missionary, that Jesus would help her save as many immortal souls as possible from the darkness of unbelief... I'm leaving my old friends, forsaking family and home. My heart draws me onward to serve my Christ."

Reading about her in her own words is so fascinating. This girl was zealously in-love with her Savior, and she longed for others to be the same. She often referred to herself as "Jesus' little spouse" :) And she decided early on that nothing would sway that devotion, not even suffering.

"Before, crosses used to frighten me. I would get goose bumps at the thought of suffering. But now I embrace suffering even before it comes, and like this, Jesus & I live in love."

What I didn't know about her calling was that though she was serving as a nun in India, it was not the fulfillment of God's purpose for her. He took it a step further and began to call her deeper into the darkest of places, to the lowest of people. She refers to it as a "call within the call" -- to leave something she enjoyed doing and pursue that which would make her fully come alive. It was a long process for her to receive the permission from her spiritual leaders to leave her convent and live among the destitute. Though I believe Jesus does not call everyone to poverty, I can't help but feel that we are missing so much because we have so much.

"Every Sunday I visit the poor in Calcutta slums. I cannot help them because I do not have anything, but I go to give them joy... give me strength to be always the Light of their lives and so lead them to You."

"Our particular mission is to labor at the salvation and sanctification of the poorest of poor, not only in the slums, but also all around the world- wherever they may be"

"It is lovely to be poor & free from so many things."

"By nature I am sensitive, I love beautiful and nice things, comfort and all comfort can give- to be loved and love. I know that the life of a Missionary of Charity will be minus all these."

"He will be with us, and when He is there, we shall need for nothing."

"The world is too rich for the poor. We have to be very, very poor in every sense of the world to gain the hearts of the poor for Christ."

"The less we have of our own, the more we shall have to give. For love founded on sacrifice is sure to grow."

This is part of the call that she often heard: "My little one, come be My light. You come, go amongst them, carry Me with you into them. In your love for Me, they will see Me, want Me, know Me. Even if the whole world rejects you, remember you are My own."

In India and many other countries like it, they have a caste system. If you are born poor, you will always be poor. There is a major gap between those in poverty and the very wealthy. So people who live in these slums, in the shacks and on the waste-filled streets, have always been looked over. In Mother Teresa's heart, she heard the voice of God beckoning her to bring these people to Him. To live with them, care for them, show them something they have never truly felt: His love and acceptance. She could not escape the burden He had entrusted to her-- "I don't know what the success will be, but if the Missionaries of Charity have brought joy to one unhappy home, made one innocent child in the street keep pure for Jesus, one dying person die in peace with God, don't you think it would be worth-while offering everything, for just that one, because that one would bring great joy to the Heart of Jesus."

She didn't want to just give them money so they could get out of poverty. She wanted to give them the Gift that would give them an eternal purpose-- one that nothing, not even extreme poverty, could take away from them.

What has been pressing on my heart is her absolute love and abandon for Him. Just listen to how she refers to Him, prays to Him, professes her all for Him.

"No one, not even those who are enjoying some happiness which in the world seems perfect, could I envy. Because I am enjoying my complete happiness, even when I suffer something for my Beloved Spouse."

"I am laughing more than I am suffering, so that some have concluded that I am Jesus' spoiled bride who lives with Jesus in Nazareth, far away from Calvary."

"He has always been so infinitely good towards me, as if He wanted to insure the possession of my heart for Himself."

"I want to be only all for Jesus- truly and not only by name and dress. I would give everything, even life itself, for Him. It sounds nice, but in reality it is not so easy. And that is just what I want, that it not be easy. Everything is for Jesus, so like that, everything is beautiful even though it is difficult."

-- If she could not remove His pain, then she would be there, on the Cross as it were, with Him. Choosing to share the lot of her Beloved, she welcomed the crosses that accompanied her constant self-giving.

"Ask Jesus not to allow me to refuse Him anything, however small. I would rather die."

--the thought of even a momentary separation from Him by a single offense was for her unbearable.

--She knew that God loved her and she trusted that His will for her would always be an expression of that unfailing love, however difficult or impossible it might be at times to fathom His design. Only this certainty that she was loved unconditionally could give her enough confidence to abandon herself to God so completely and without reserve.

"When I see someone sad, I always think, she is refusing something to Jesus."

--Her joy was not just a matter of temperament; it was rather the fruit of the blessedness of submission that she lived. It was in giving Jesus whatever He asked that she found her deepest and lasting joy; in giving Him joy she found her own joy.

"Cheerfulness is often a cloak which hides a life of sacrifice, continual union with God, fervor, and generosity."

"I long to be really only His, to burn myself completely for Him and souls. I want Him to be loved tenderly by many. Count not my feelings, count not the cost I will have to pay. I am ready, for I have already given my all to Him."

"Jesus, my own Jesus, I am only Thine. Do with me whatever You wish, as You wish, as long as You wish. I love You not for what You give, but what You take."

"You must pray for me, to learn how to get rid of self in myself and live intimately with Him. Pray for light that I may see and for courage to do away with anything of self in the work. I must disappear completely if I want God to have the whole."

"To the one less advanced on the road of love, this total surrender and completely conformity to God's will might seem a complete loss of freedom.

But the one who truly loves seeks to realize the desire of the Beloved, to fulfill His expectations even to the last detail.

Thus, for Mother Teresa, the vow was the means for strengthening the bond with the One she loved & so experiencing the true freedom only love can give."

I know some of you may admire her and think, "Wow, I'm so thankful for people like that. We need more people like her in our world." This is precisely what came to my mind. And what followed was a verse that we all would rather ignore- "Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself (disregard, lose sight of, forget himself & his own interests), take up his cross and follow Me (cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living, and if need be, dying also). Matthew 16:24

I know, I know... a lot of people quote that. But please don't get comfortable with it. The Lord wills that all of us be His abandoned disciples- to devote and consecrate every aspect of our lives to Him and His kingdom coming. How can I constantly respond to Him with a "yes"? I so desire to have the same deep, passionate convictions that she had... to never part from Him; to express my love to Him by constantly giving myself for His children; to take the greatest pleasure in knowing that He is pleased with me; to follow His call on my life, not without considering the cost, but without caring about the cost because nothing is as precious, beautiful, and worthy as He.

Jesus, finish what You started in me. You have my love & my life, always forever.

XOXO