ready or not : 2014

2014 means door, 
like an invitation,

 she said.

I was graced with an answer to the question bouncing around in my mind for weeks after a conversation with my dear friend & co-worker.
What is the theme of this next year? 
It was haunting me. No matter how many Google searches I strategically typed, I could not find it. Of course, my answer was to come in a more beautiful, intentional way - the way that so many answers and realizations have come to me over the past few years: via my community. Specifically, the community of women I am so privileged to journey alongside. We sip coffee together, cry together, and go deep together every other Sunday morning. And I'm convinced it's heaven on earth.

This specific Sunday, when my word was divinely delivered, we were having a Christmas party, reflecting on last year and sharing our themes from 2013. My first thought was struggle. It had been a heavy year of struggling through new things, like marriage and a parasite, and old things, like family and the continuous questioning of WHAT THE HECK DO I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE?! I experienced an awakening of sorts during the year of 2013. Circumstances and situations aided this soul transition -- getting married, moving into a new house, reading books, finding blogs, joining a writing e-course, my own inner unrest and discontentment. I had breakthroughs and total breakdowns. I let hard conversations happen and actually engaged in conflict. [ That's huge, y'all ].
I am now a consistent blood donor, thanks to wonderful friends who have made it fun. I never thought I could be so brave with blood and veins and needles. Ok, enough of that.

I proved my strength to the only person who should be convinced of it : myself.
I have connectedness (strengthsfinder - yeah!) and I delight in this strength, especially while reflecting on life and how it is that I am where I am in this very moment. I can see the weavings -- the little nudges and conversations and prayers that have forged this path through unknown and doubt. It seems like so much has prepared me for this year of invitation.

A favorite message of mine from Upper Room in 2013 was based on John 1:37-39. Jesus asks a simple question to two men who started following him -- What do you want? Which is a legit inquiry if people had been walking behind you for a while, without saying anything. The two men ask where he is staying, and he responds with (wait for it ... ) an invitation:

Come and see. 

These words set up camp in my heart, along with a question asked during that same series. What do you want? This question was repeated again during my closing Story Sessions call, where we were not only asked what we want, but given some time to scribble things down, giving names and voice to our tangible and intangible desires. I LOVED this. Reading over my list gives me butterflies; another reminder that I am on my way to what is true and good and right for me. It also makes me feel a little sick and shaky, the way she might be feeling, too:

image from Pinterest

Maybe if she heard this song she would feel a bit better up there. Maybe she would swallow her fear. Maybe she would finally release the need to know the outcome. Maybe she would sing along in her shaky, little voice ...

"sink or swim, I'm diving in

where the river starts rushing

where my heart starts beating."

One of my fav.s, Glennon, wrote these words:

"I am unsure of what your lack of readiness has to do with the fact that the world needs the little miracle that only you can perform. The world needs you to use your gift - ready or not...

Jump, honey. Do it.

Sometimes you'll belly flop and it'll sting and everyone will laugh, and sometimes you'll do a perfect screwdriver and everyone will clap.
But after a while, you will learn that you don't jump for everyone.
 Everyone doesn't matter.
You jump because at the end of the day, when your head hits the pillow,
you want to be One Who Jumps. 

That's all. That's everything.

Don't wait 'til you're ready. Nobody's ever ready. Just jump now."

- Momastery.com

Cheers to invitation, opportunity, newness.

And jumping. 

xo

C