If I could write a love-note to who I was a week ago, it would go something like this:
Dearest Self,
Hi. I want to kindly and not-so-gently (but sort of gently - I know your tenderheartedness) remind you that the world does NOT revolve around you. Your bitterness is not helping you or anyone else around you. Rest in His love, rest in knowing you are not alone, even when you feel forgotten. News flash: you're never forgotten. There is a rich community both near & far who support you.
Be kind to yourself. Forgive your fiancee. And for the sake of all of us, stop brooding. Rejoice in today.
With love,
Yourself.
I have seriously been consumed with emotion. I'm allowed to be emotional, but for goodness' sake, it's driving me crazy! I've been considering medication. *not kidding*
I was listening to a song today, as I labeled car air fresheners at work, and nearly burst into tears. After Elenowen's anthem of What We Hope came the song, Cripple Me. It was one of those sacred moments where the reality of your life, the reality of what you've been feeling and thinking, sinks in deep and awakens you like a punch in the gut.More emotion for the already emotional - hooray!
For reasons so far beyond what I know, I am being crippled. Not for the purpose of inflicting pain - that is just cause & effect - but for the hope & promise of "breaking out of the darkness and out of our skin." My Abba is drawing me in tight while simultaneously letting me wander into the hard, dark places, for my growth and my benefit. It freakin' hurts. And I've been freakin' angry at times. But I'm over that [for now].
Now, dear self, be patient. Be loving. Be gentle, especially with others. Most importantly with your own soul. Hold everything - the events of today, the plans of tomorrow, the hurts and the joys from yesterday - close to your heart, for all is good. And all is holy. And all is grace.
My Love,
cripple me
so I cannot keep running
away.
"let everything happen to you, beauty and terror, just keep going. No feeling is final."
-Rainer Maria Rilke-
2 comments:
Congratulations on being engaged!! I love reading your blog. It's nice to have a little pieces of information when we don't have facebook. When are you getting married? Being married is wonderful... and hard... but also wonderful. : ) haha
love, Brittany
I have come back to this post today. I just love that I get to do life with you and figure this all out. Know that I'm here. Know that I get it (at least a little :) )
Post a Comment