We are born
by some strange, miraculous conception.
With friends having babies, I cannot get this mystery out of my mind. I float between two extremes : immense joy and complete terror.

How on earth are we trusted to bring other people into this world?

I hear people talking ... "How many do they have now?" Almost like children are property, or simple things. Oh... these little beings are precious beyond measure, and we are somewhat recklessly creating them and hastily ushering them into this horrific world that we ourselves are struggling to navigate and come to terms with.

Dramatic? I would think so! Have you heard what can happen to a child? Do you remember what happened to you?

Yes... "people are fragile things you should know by now. Be careful what you put them through."

And as I was contemplating the drama and awfulness of it all, I couldn't help but let peace peak through and mingle with my anxiety.

We are miracles. From dust we were brought forth and to the dust we shall return. Our time is short but can be sweet for certain, should we so desire to fight long and hard for ourselves and the ones we love. This mess of a planet is able to destroy us and delight us, break us and build us. How can we witness the powerful, awe-inspiring beauty of a dazzling sunset, then hear news of the latest mass-shooting and not sense the quakes of an eternal battle between love and hate, goodness and darkness?

We are born as children of a vast, vast universe. As vulnerable as we are, so strong is He. As we painfully bring life after life into this time-capsuled reality, may we find freedom in knowing that this is not the end. With each cry and first time breath of harsh humanity, may we continue to release these tiny people (and ourselves) into the arms of the unknown, the unpredictable, the Un-perishable.

Though tragedy takes, may we trust we're not left empty-handed.
Though sickness suffocates, may we trust in a final healing.
Though all may abandon, may we trust Love is here.
And we will find love there, too.

Though we are daily dying, may we know : we will rise, as Christ was raised to life.




[ PS: this story brings hopeful tears to my eyes: everything matters.]

Rachel's wells

hi. welcome back to reality.

If I could write a love-note to who I was a week ago, it would go something like this:

Dearest Self, 


Hi. I want to kindly and not-so-gently (but sort of gently - I know your tenderheartedness) remind you that the world does NOT revolve around you. Your bitterness is not helping you or anyone else around you. Rest in His love, rest in knowing you are not alone, even when you feel forgotten. News flash: you're never forgotten. There is a rich community both near & far who support you.


Be kind to yourself. Forgive your fiancee. And for the sake of all of us, stop brooding. Rejoice in today.


With love,
Yourself. 




I have seriously been consumed with emotion. I'm allowed to be emotional, but for goodness' sake, it's driving me crazy! I've been considering medication. *not kidding*

I was listening to a song today, as I labeled car air fresheners at work, and nearly burst into tears. After Elenowen's anthem of What We Hope came the song, Cripple Me. It was one of those sacred moments where the reality of your life, the reality of what you've been feeling and thinking, sinks in deep and awakens you like a punch in the gut.More emotion for the already emotional - hooray!
For reasons so far beyond what I know, I am being crippled. Not for the purpose of inflicting pain - that is just cause & effect - but for the hope & promise of "breaking out of the darkness and out of our skin." My Abba is drawing me in tight while simultaneously letting me wander into the hard, dark places, for my growth and my benefit. It freakin' hurts. And I've been freakin' angry at times. But I'm over that [for now].

Now, dear self, be patient. Be loving. Be gentle, especially with others. Most importantly with your own soul. Hold everything - the events of today, the plans of tomorrow, the hurts and the joys from yesterday - close to your heart, for all is good. And all is holy. And all is grace.

My Love,
cripple me
so I cannot keep running
away.



"let everything happen to you, beauty and terror, just keep going. No feeling is final."

-Rainer Maria Rilke-

celebration

THIS is very near and dear to my heart. Maybe I mentioned it last year around my birthday as well. I follow and support these amazing people too, who are also working alongside the Sudanese people to protect, restore, and heal their land, their bodies, their precious hearts. May peace continue to come to them. May we stand with them, believe with them.

I was grieving a bit last night, as I stared into the sky with wonder, watching the fireworks. My dear Kip mentioned how amazing it is that we were able to have the day that we did-- a day filled with ease & ending in such a sweet time with family and hundreds of others who were gathered to simply sit and enjoy the night, enjoy the freedom. My empathetic, tender heart (or that of the Spirit in me) was still, but is rarely forgetful.


There are so many who will never experience this kind of sweetness-- the richness of ease, wealth, and happiness. Don't forget. 


My thoughts wandered to those at war. Those in the middle of extremes, sharing in the goal to protect but lacking the peace. Not sure how to restore or heal when their job is to tear down, destroy, and remove the enemy. Those living every day in the midst of conflict; the equally precious people who had to spend yesterday's holiday away from the joys of family and close friends, burgers and fireworks, boats and fun.

It's not my intention to ruin a celebration. These thoughts of mine increase my gratitude greatly. And they also move me to live from that gratitude, to live from the reality of what's happening in our world and move towards a better world-- to pursue the peace my heart desires, to help restore in others what I desire to see restored in me, and to trust that His protection is strong, His love is stronger, and the healing that He brings is happening all around me on levels far beyond what I could see or know.

Whether it's my brothers and sisters in Sudan, or my brothers and sisters in Iraq, or my brothers and sisters on the streets of Minneapolis:
sweet Savior of mine... let me be moved with your amazing compassion; moved to powerful action. Let my eyes see, my ears hear, my heart feel, my feet go, my hands serve, my life love.


dream through us, Abba.
recreate in us so that we may recreate our world with you.

"and since we are people of expectation, we are so convinced that another world is coming that we start living as if it were already here."