Who will I be?

On my final day as a full-time nanny, my thoughts are focused around the idea of being a parent to my own children one day, in the not-so-near future. I've tried to gather some aspirations of who I will be when that day comes. Which means that I should probably start becoming that woman today, because she sure isn't going to appear suddenly after she births a baby. Amen?


My hopes of parenting far exceed my list of 20+ names for my future children.
I hope to be a mother who will be on their level, spending extra strength in understanding. I hope to be a mother who listens. I hope to be a mother who is constantly reminded that sometimes I must let go of my own plans and agenda, and that this letting go can be the perfect soil for miracles and for more love to grow. I hope to be conscious of my own pain, willing to be vulnerable with my kids, never forgetting to show & tell them that I do NOT know all; letting them unmask the perfectionist and see my tender, broken places; living out the truth that I am just another traveler, sometimes struggling beside them and sometimes confidently & joyfully leading them. And sometimes laid out on the floor, not able to give anything else, choosing to accept their belief in me.
I hope to embrace my humanity, but never use it as an excuse.
I hope to be a mom who will turn up the music louder, dance longer, and laugh harder. I hope to be a mom who gets out, who plans adventures regardless of inconvenience or missed nap times or improper hygiene. I hope to rise early and rejoice with the morning (this is a lofty aspiration!)
I hope to fiercely protect the love that brought them life-- maintaining a deep, intimate, honest relationship with their papa. I hope to be a mother of great affection, of loving in healthy boundaries and refusing to let boundaries become walls that separate and seclude.
I hope to be a mother of open opinions and unrestricted faith. I hope to cultivate conversations without controlling the outcome. I hope to love through the disappointments, the failures, the hurts. I hope to forgive quickly and completely.
I hope to be a mother who some days lets her house get destroyed by imagination and creativity, and who teaches her children how to care for and respect and enjoy ALL things, especially each other & this beautiful earth in which we live.
I hope to invest and help grow the knowledge of their true Abba's love and acceptance of them...
that His love for us is not based on what we do but who we are. And we are His. Forever.


I hope all of these things & more, knowing my fragile condition as well as theirs, knowing that all families have their own s***, and there's no way of completely escaping that truth.
And maybe it's the s*** that will bring them closer, draw them deeper, make them softer. I hope they will put forth the energy to be propelled by this s*** and not get stuck in it. I hope they will have the ability to see a great story, His great story, being told amid & amongst their s***.
I greatly hope that for myself as well.



May we love like that. Each and every day, with each & every person we know & newly meet.
Amen.