1 year

I really enjoy the new facebook thing of showing you your old statuses in the right hand column. I have been refreshed of some great quotes from the past, as well as reminded of where I was when I posted them. Today, a year ago, I posted something along the lines of: saying goodbye to Alabama, I will only miss your beautiful beaches & your people.

I hopped on a plane and headed to St. Louis to see my dad get married and spend time with my grandparents & wonderful stepmom, then proceeded to road trip with them to Colorado! I can't describe the way it felt when we finally got to the west end of Kansas. The air was cooler, the sun was setting amidst rain clouds over the vast, flat plains, and my heart was pounding with anticipation. Maybe some anxiety, too. I was nervous about going back to the place I had known so well and missed so much. I was different. I knew it would be different, too.

So there I was, eating pizza in downtown Golden with my father, whom I was not on speaking terms with when I was last in YWAM, and his new wife-- and I'm now realizing what a redemptive moment that was. I must not forget what all has happened, how so many things have come full-circle in my life. These are holy. These are blessings. And I count them with awe.

Even now, sitting in the home of an amazing family, thinking about all of the precious relationships in my life, new & old ... there aren't really words. I could endlessly breathe "thank yous" to God and never feel like it's enough. For reasons so far beyond me, I am here and I am so richly surrounded by His goodness. Uncomfortably happy. Joyful and somber. Life and its issues sure aren't easy, but it sure is good.

"In this place which you say is ruin... there will be heard again a sound of joy and gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the bride, and the voice of those saying,
Praise the Lord of Hosts, for the Lord is good! His faithful love endures forever!"
Jeremiah 33:10-11

I hope to be a voice to the world that declares joy and gladness in any and every circumstance. I fail miserably in the way I use my words-- too much complaining, not enough appreciating. Too much self-pity, not enough encouragement for others. So grateful for grace.

I think it's interesting in those verses that a bride/bridegroom relationship is mentioned. For all of the times I've doubted my desires for marriage, that it something I come back to: my passion for marriage to be a window into the love of God, to be a picture of hope and trust and commitment that we lack and honestly don't believe in anymore.

So today I am pensive, reflective, appreciating where I've come from and delighting in where I am. Expectant of whatever the next days bring. Loving Jesus and His redeeming love.

You will be delivered by returning and resting;

your strength will lie in quiet confidence.

Isaiah 30:15