on a lighter note

I've discovered possibly the best blog ever! It's called Today's Letters, and was created by possibly the most adorable couple ever. I thoroughly enjoy reading their posts, all in letter form to each other and other random people/ things/ places in their life. SO CUTE. Click here to see!

I'm needing some kind of pick-me-up today, so I think I'll write my own version of today's letters to lighten my spirit and most likely crack myself up as well:

Dear Fall,

You warm my heart, even though my feet are usually cold.

I like your colors and, most of all, your fresh feeling and smell.

Thanks for being here. Please stay a while.

Dear Lucy,

You are a precious child. Sometimes your fussiness makes me go cross-eyed and gives me a headache, but mostly, I love spending so much time with you,

even when at the end of the day I'm covered in your spit-up and boogers

and sometimes carry the faint smell of poo.

You are teaching me a lot about babies. I know I will be a better mother one day because of you. So thanks for that.

And thanks for occasionally taking 2 and a half hour naps. Those are good days.

Dear Audi A6,

I'm so glad I have you in my life. I apologize for not coming up with a cute name for you yet...

I'm sure once winter comes (not for a long, long time) I will affectionately refer to you as Kathy Jones does:

the Tank.

I know you will be a faithful mode of transportation no matter what kind of horrid weather comes my way. I promise to be a safe driver and take good care of you.

PS: please keep the seat warmers working; I don't think I could survive without them.

Dear Kip,

I think you're cute, even with long hair and an unruly beard. But that is not encouragement for you to avoid the razor.

I appreciate your kind heart and eagerness to do fun things with me.

I'm mucho looking forward to our dates this weekend.

I'm trying to be an easy, go-with-the-flow kinda girl.

Forgive me when I'm not.

Seeyoubye.

Dear yoga pants,

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE.

I'm going to wear you until you are hideously faded

and barely held together.

Then I will lovingly replace you

and continue wearing them day after day.

Dear Africa,

I keep dreaming about you.

My heart longs to see you and serve your beautiful people.

I know not when, or if my heart will ever be ready,

but I will come to you one day.

Hopefully soon.

Dear Caribou,

Your iced americanos are quite a treat.

A poor man's latte; guilt-free and caffiene-charged. Yum.

Dear YWAM Denver,

I think I should be one of your recruiters.

Is it an official position?

Because I'm pretty good at it.

Take care of Lydia and Colby, and soon to be there, my dear friend Krysta.

I wish I could see you again.

I'm always hopeful for a road trip to your mountains

and your staff members whom I love so much.

You have changed my life. And you'll always make me feel at home.

Miss you.

Dear Panera Bread,

Thanks for the extra goodies that accompany our Panera card!

I know it's because we visit you way too often,

but I'm ok with that.

You are deeeeelicious.

Dear Whitney and Chad,

Can't wait to see y'all!!!

We will have so much fun. I anticipate much laughter

and good conversation.

Can't wait to see the love in your eyes-- very happy it's only taken a few years to make this happen.

Dear Lover of my soul,

Can I just say...

You are the best.

& words fail when I think about You

and remember all You've brought me through.

It's only by Your grace that I'm where I am.

You have so much for me...

I know You believe in me & Your love never gives up.

Forgive me for holding onto silly things,

for judging myself too harshly,

for not taking time to love and give to others

as You've loved and given to me.

I want to follow Your way,

whichever way that takes me.

Use me to shine forth Your hope & Your beauty.

Finish what You've started.

I'm yours, I'm yours forever.

Love you always.

Candice Mae.

heights & depths

"And so, a curse settled down around all Eve's children.

The harmony was gone & thorns began to grow,

for part of the curse was the prick of the thorn.

But God didn't take away the rose.

Since then, beauty and pain have grown in our world

side by side.

Suffering and joy exist on the same vine,

and tears can taste either bitter or sweet."

-Steven James-

Joy comes to those who in a sense forget themselves and become totally aware of the other.

-Mother Teresa-

"Maybe girls, with their tears and laughter, were getting more out of life. Shattering! He checked himself: showing one's emotions was not the thing; having them was.

What is beauty but something that is responded to with emotion? If the best of life is, in fact, emotional, then one wanted the highest, purest emotions. And that meant joy.

So, if he wanted the heights of joy, he must have, if he could find it, a great love. But in the books, great joy through love seemed always to go hand in hand with frightful pain.

Still...

still, the joy would be worth the pain-- if indeed they went together.

If there were a choice- and he suspected there was- a choice between the heights and depths, and on the other hand some sort of safe cautious middle way, he, for one, here and now chose the heights and the depths.

He had had, was having, all the sorrow there was. And yet, the joy was worth the pain. Even now he reaffirmed that long past choice."

-A Severe Mercy-

"We have loved the stars too fondly

to be fearful of the night."

"Joy must be one of the pivots of our life. It is the token of a generous personality. Sometimes it is also a mantle that clothes a life of sacrifice and self-giving. A person who has this gift often reaches high summits. He or she is like a sun in a community."

-Mother Teresa-

"As the fire scorches the wood, it burns away all the natural saps and juices proper to the wood. At first the wood is charred and ugly. Each time it is thrust into the fire, the purging process continues. Finally, when all the natural juices that have been resisting the action of the fire are burnt away, the wood takes on the qualities of the fire itself. And glows.

God does not leave us until He has broken our hearts and our bones."

-Brennan Manning-

But the path of least resistance wasn't meant for me to take,

I'm learning who I am

On the way.

1 year

I really enjoy the new facebook thing of showing you your old statuses in the right hand column. I have been refreshed of some great quotes from the past, as well as reminded of where I was when I posted them. Today, a year ago, I posted something along the lines of: saying goodbye to Alabama, I will only miss your beautiful beaches & your people.

I hopped on a plane and headed to St. Louis to see my dad get married and spend time with my grandparents & wonderful stepmom, then proceeded to road trip with them to Colorado! I can't describe the way it felt when we finally got to the west end of Kansas. The air was cooler, the sun was setting amidst rain clouds over the vast, flat plains, and my heart was pounding with anticipation. Maybe some anxiety, too. I was nervous about going back to the place I had known so well and missed so much. I was different. I knew it would be different, too.

So there I was, eating pizza in downtown Golden with my father, whom I was not on speaking terms with when I was last in YWAM, and his new wife-- and I'm now realizing what a redemptive moment that was. I must not forget what all has happened, how so many things have come full-circle in my life. These are holy. These are blessings. And I count them with awe.

Even now, sitting in the home of an amazing family, thinking about all of the precious relationships in my life, new & old ... there aren't really words. I could endlessly breathe "thank yous" to God and never feel like it's enough. For reasons so far beyond me, I am here and I am so richly surrounded by His goodness. Uncomfortably happy. Joyful and somber. Life and its issues sure aren't easy, but it sure is good.

"In this place which you say is ruin... there will be heard again a sound of joy and gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the bride, and the voice of those saying,
Praise the Lord of Hosts, for the Lord is good! His faithful love endures forever!"
Jeremiah 33:10-11

I hope to be a voice to the world that declares joy and gladness in any and every circumstance. I fail miserably in the way I use my words-- too much complaining, not enough appreciating. Too much self-pity, not enough encouragement for others. So grateful for grace.

I think it's interesting in those verses that a bride/bridegroom relationship is mentioned. For all of the times I've doubted my desires for marriage, that it something I come back to: my passion for marriage to be a window into the love of God, to be a picture of hope and trust and commitment that we lack and honestly don't believe in anymore.

So today I am pensive, reflective, appreciating where I've come from and delighting in where I am. Expectant of whatever the next days bring. Loving Jesus and His redeeming love.

You will be delivered by returning and resting;

your strength will lie in quiet confidence.

Isaiah 30:15