Oh I'm gettin' kinda rich
on the sight of any soul
alive.
(alpha rev)
It's safe to say that this all started a few months ago when I received an email from a blogger whom I respect so much, Elora. She invited us into an e-course that is more like a community of women exploring and struggling through the same things as me: faith, art, creativity, writing, the joy and pain of our stories. Not too long after I signed up, scared and completely doubting my competence and even my love for words that has existed since about the age of 14, I saw this quote online:
to begin, begin.
A simple phrase to any other Pinterest passerby, but to me, it was a divine message. Or more like a divine command. Creative desire has been swirling around inside of me possibly all my life, but I've just become painfully aware of it in the last year. It often fights to escape in random thrift stores, through crafty projects, during the decorating process of our home, and when I'm staring at my closet. It's also sparked by blogs and books and songs. It's like my whole being responds to this creative longing, this need for designing a lovely space, a fun outfit, or putting soul-wrenching words on a page.
I know what I need to do. I am choosing to let my creative self go free. I am beginning.
Why?
because I want to unfold, be vulnerable, be authentic.
because I want to know beauty and feel empowered to offer it from my own depths.
because I love connection and community.
because I understand that ignoring my internal struggle will not make it go away.
because I am pursuing my gifts.
because I am haunted by the word artist.
because I want to be fully alive.
because I know in my bones that God is the creative being that breathed all of this to life - all of these intricate flowers and fruits and gorgeous humans - and he has breathed life into me, created ME.
I often wonder what I'm supposed to do with that ... I have these Donald Miller-ish "why" questions about the universe and how it's all here and we know about it and what are we to do with all this knowledge?! And then ... then, as I'm walking across the busy downtown street to order a coffee, I see a gorgeous human who seems to have forgotten his beauty & the beauty at work all around him. Maybe he lost it a long time ago, traded it, or maybe it was taken from him purposefully and hatefully. It's not my place to know these answers, but I do feel compelled to help him find his beauty again. To share a beautiful smile that might, just might, bring out a beautiful smile in him, a hint that there is always, always hope & that love never fails.
I know it's not my place, either, to pursue perfection. I know how easy it is to see only the good things and feel the sting of self-pity because another's life seems better than your own. This is why you must know my story. This is why I must know yours. We must pursue the real together -- we must help each other have eyes to see and ears to hear, not just the things we want to, but all the real things about us, about the world, about God. And then we must branch out beyond our stories, because the danger of a single story is real, too. Maybe you and I are too much alike, so let's go beyond our similar worlds and enter into other worlds full of stories that are much, much different than anything we've ever learned.
Somewhere in all of that, restoration will happen.
I believe it. I have seen it.
Restoration will continue it's work in me. Reconciliation will come to our world.
Oh yes, I remember why. I must enter into this because of the story that has continued from the very beginning. Because "everything is waiting for you." Because we're all being called, summoned, beckoned forward, whether we hear it or not. We are invited into more.
And I want to be part of it all.
xo.
C
