Tookish

"Is it possible that God's dream for human destiny is more than just believing a message?

What if He is inviting us to participate in some kind of divine quest?"

There's something Tookish in all of us...

Call me a nerd. Go ahead. But I get so inspired when I watch Lord of the Rings! Return of the King was on tv, and I was reminded of why I used to watch those movies over and over (on VHS).

I somehow identify with Frodo at the end, when all is said and done and he returns to the Shire & to all that is comfortable and known. He says, "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?"

I seem to live in that very kind of tension. I've seen what many have not, and I have yet to see what many have. There is no going back for me-- no rest in riches, no peace in prosperity. I am constantly burdened for the world that is so far removed from what I know and what I see in my daily life. There is a burden that I carry that few truly understand.

Though I'm following His path the best I know how, I still know that it's my decisions and choices that keep me where I am; in the normalcy, in the easy.

Tolkien writes, about Bilbo Baggins, "Something Tookish woke up inside him and he wished to go and see the great mountains and hear the pine-trees and waterfalls... and wear a sword instead of a walking stick."

I'm afraid something Tookish woke inside of me a long time ago. And yet here I am. It's so difficult to realize that adventure lies wherever we wish to acknowledge it. Very often, it lies hidden in the mundane, the everyday things, and some of us (like me) so easily overlook it because our hearts and minds are on things elsewhere. I ache when I think of not being able to travel. I can't explain why, it's just what I want to do. What I feel like I should do. And at the same time, it's a blessing and an honor to be anywhere, to just be living and doing life with people.

Tension.

Can you feel it?

I sure do.

"My dear Sam, you cannot always be torn in two; you will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy, and to be, and to do. Your part in this story will go on."

Precisely what I need to hear. Words of promise to my restless, torn soul. Just be.

And dare to dream big dreams. There's more to this story.

"I think there is something in us that wants to be part of saving the world...

We can be spiritual pioneers, adventurers who dare to explore what a life fully committed to God can really look like."

--Ed Gungor

Wishlist

A quick note:

Dear Etsy, get thee far from me! Not really, because I'm thoroughly enjoying spending afternoons and evenings getting lost in your handmade jewels and vintage treasures. Ohh lala!

I find myself getting inspired in a new-ish way. I'm not a crafty type, but I really appreciate those who are. Etsy is my new weakness. I am very thankful that I have neither the financial backing nor the house ownership needed to purchase the wonderful things I find.

However, I want to share a few of my favorite finds, more on the affordable side, from random sites and such. In time, I might invest!

Mmmm coffee

[Love this website! Check out their products & read about the many different organizations they are supporting. Fav quote: "We aren't asking you to buy more stuff, just change the products that you already buy." Let's move from being convenient shoppers to conscious & responsible consumers. This is my goal!]

Tumbler Cup

[Have you read Katie Davis's blog? You should. It's listed in my favorite sites. This is the organization that partners with her: 147 Million Orphans. I love the hearts of these women-- adoption! And, I find myself reusing my venti Starbucks cups over and over for iced water. Why not use one of these?]

Spend Wisely

[My Etsy fetish here. I really like this lady's store! I think it's ironic that I would be willing to spend $15 on a checkbook cover that says "spend wisely." Is it worth it? It's SO cute!]

Do gooder

[I've had my eye on this shirt for a while now. Really like the design, colors, & Desmond Tutu quote on the back. And Land of a Thousand Hills is one of my favorite organizations!]

Press It

[This has been on my mind... I think I will label it a temptation. But maybe since I'm moving, I could use it? Yeah? I'm just making excuses. I want it!]

Bookworm

[Here's my Amazon.com wishlist. I go through books like crazy. My mom constantly scolds me for not using the FREE library. I tell her that I like to write in them and keep them as long as I want, and then have the freedom to give them away if I so choose. It's gotten out of control at times. I should really go to the library more often.]

Artsy fartsy

[I wish I was a painter. The truth is: my sister inherited that talent. So for people like me, who so desire to be artsy but end up ruining most things when they try, they made wall decals! Wooooooo! I think trees are so lovely. What a fun room!]

Dress me up

[Old school/ vintage stuff has captivated me. And dresses are just fun! & breezy.]

Bag lady

[I really have a lot of bags, but specifically have been wanting to find a longer, messenger-type purse. I have yet to find one in a normal store that I love, and I would much rather spend a little more on something like this-- handmade by these lovely women.

Ok, enough treasure-hunting for now. I'm peeling myself away from the computer now full of endless possibilities of finding precious, creative things that express my style and life perfectly. Until next time!

take the world

Beloved child of the Most High God

your hour has come.

"What are you afraid of? Let God act. Abandon yourself to Him. You will suffer, but you will suffer with love, peace, and consolation. You will fight, but you can carry off the victory & God Himself will crown you with His own hand. You will weep, but your tears will be sweet, and God Himself will come with satisfaction to dry them."

--Francois Fenelon

Take the world, but give me Jesus.

full words. bitter & sweet. afflicting and freeing. I sit here, tears streaming, suffering with others, fighting within myself. Discovering the depths of life, the expansion of a heart. I want it to be all for Him.

"In that lonely place, no friend can go, no brother can help, no loved one can know. I must crawl on while you stay-- further still, just watch and pray. In that lonely place the cup is fought to sip the pain or choose my lot; to claim my rights or cast them down, to gain my loss or scorn my crown. Life pivots there in further still, face to the ground, fighting His will. Can't choose to return the same who went, once further still the old is spent...

There's so much more to Him and to the life He's given us than we have yet discovered. So, with that in mind, let's you and I go further still."

--Beth Moore

O Love that will not let me go,

I rest my weary soul in thee.

I give thee back the life I owe,

that in thine ocean depths

its flow may richer, fuller be.

my life, it's not my own.

I know it's Yours.

O light that follows all my way,

I yield my flickering torch to thee.

My heart restores its borrowed ray,

that in thy sunshine’s blaze

its day may brighter, fairer be.

so light a fire in my heart

and I'll burn for you.

O Joy that seeks me through the pain,

I cannot close my heart to thee.

I trace the rainbow through the rain,

and feel the promise is not in vain,

that morn shall tearless be.

So annoint me with joy,

and joyful I will be.

O Cross that lifts up my head,

I dare not ask to fly from thee.

I lay in dust life’s glory dead,

and from the ground there blossoms red

Life that shall endless be

and we will sing holy, holy

is the King of kings.

one thing remains

The love of God is greater far

than tongue or pen can ever tell;

it goes beyond the highest star,

& reaches to the lowest hell;

The guilty pair, bowed down with care,

God gave His Son to win;

His erring child He reconciled,

you & I pardoned from our sin.

O love of God, how rich and pure!

It shall forevermore endure

how measureless and strong

the saints’ and angels’ song we sing

Holy, holy.

When ancient times shall pass away,

And earthly thrones & kingdoms fall,

When men here refuse to pray,

On rocks and hills and mountains call,

God’s love so sure will still endure

all measureless and strong;

Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—

shall be the saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

Were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade,

To write the love of God above

would drain the ocean dry.

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

O love of God, how rich and pure!

It shall forevermore endure

How measureless and strong!

The saints’ and angels’ song we sing...

Holy, holy.

The love of God, hymn

though fallen low, He raises us up

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

out of chaos life is being found

in You.

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust.

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us.

from Redeeming Love:

"I'm going to need to your help," Angel said to Johnathan.

"First I have to tell you what happened today."

She told them about meeting Torie and lunching with her. She told them of the young prostitute's dejection and hopelessness and how she had felt the same way for so many years.

"She could have had a job with Virgil if she had known how to cook. As it is, he was kind enough to let her stay if I'd go down and work with her for the next few weeks until she knows what to do. She's quick, she'll be able to handle things on her own in no time."

"You're losing us," Jonathan said. The girl was so excited that she was making little sense.

"Torie said if she could find a way out, she'd take it. Virgil asked if she could cook and she said no. And it came to me, right there in Virgil's! Why not?"

"Why not what?!" Susanna said, exasperated. "You're making no sense."

"Why not give her a way out," Angel said. "Teach her to cook. Teach her to sew. Teach her to make hats. Teach her anything that would give her another way to make a living. Jonathan, I want to buy a house where someone like Torie can come and be safe and learn to earn her own living without selling her body to do it."

Jonathan grew thoughtful. "I have some friends who might help. How much do you think you'll need to get started?"

... Another look at Angel and he knew he couldn't say no and blot out the look of hope and purpose in her eyes. "We'll see to it tomorrow morning."

Oh, God. The sudden insight hurt. I'm going to lose her after all. Not to a wild young zealot, but to Angel and others like her.

He wanted his daughter married and settled with children of her own. He wanted her in a house close by so she could come visit frequently.

He watched Susanna pace back and forth, plans gushing forth like a fountain. Angel was laughing and tossing in her own ideas, one on top of the other. They were both so beautiful, it was hard to look at them. Light shining in the darkness.

Jonathan closed his eyes. Oh, God. It's not the way I had things planned.

But then, what of real, lasting value ever is?

First of all, if you have not read this book, YOU MUST! This is my 3rd or 4th time to read it, and it is even better (and harder) to read this time. To give you a very, very brief overview of the story, Angel is a prostitute who was sold at the age of 8 and lived a life of constant fear, abuse, and degradation. I will not tell you how, but she was rescued, out of her physical surroundings and out of the darkness and horrors of her own soul. It is a beautiful, tragic, hopeful story. Seriously, read it.

This part I wrote is towards the very end of the book. I cried when I read it, like I was hearing the revelation, excitement, and purpose from the heart of one of my very own friends. Angel decides to use the pain of her past to help change the futures of others. How amazing. It reminded me of how I know both the desperation of searching for what I should be doing, what specific plan He has dreamed for me, while at the same time experiencing the joy of knowing parts and pieces of the plan and taking steps to follow His leading. All the while, the entirety of the plan eludes me, which makes life even more frustrating and exciting!

I keep feeling Him break my heart. It's all too wonderful for words... and simultaneously one of the scariest, most difficult things to experience. But is this not what we were made for? This stirring in my heart is uncomfortable. I long to go and do the things He has laid upon this broken, bleeding heart, but they are things that will cost everything. Sometimes I think I am such a crazy person for caring so much, crying so much, being this in love with a God I cannot see and am unable to fathom. Ok, I really think I am a crazy person, but in some strange way it's starting to make sense to me. This faith explains so much, while still leaving so much to question. But I feel the weight of it's truth and I see the evidence of evil and I experience the hope of resurrection. It's all too real now to turn back. Oh God, help me.

Help me to be as courageous and bold as Angel, to let You use whatever You find in me-- whatever You have formed in me for such a time as this. I am willing.

"Love the Lord your God and love one another. Love one another as He loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion, and no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. That's the way back into Eden. That's the way back to life."

"Yes, His love really did bring me here."

Oh, I've loved you from the start in every single way

and more each passing day.

You are brighter than the stars

Believe me when I say...

it's not about your scars

it's all about your heart.

--Mindy Gledhill--

Newest book: Story, by Steven James. Great find at the $5 bookstore! Steven is a storyteller and a poet. I may have found a favorite to add to my list. He starts with the story of Easter, then fills in everything previous to and beginning from that point in God's story, in our stories. I really liked this chapter about scars. I'd never thought about the detail of Jesus having the scars to show from what He had been through. Maybe it's a minor, insignificant detail in the story of salvation, but what Steven has to say about it is very interesting to me:

[ I thought this part was really funny! ] "One time I was speaking at a church in Kentucky and I mentioned that just like the disciples recognized Jesus by his scars, just like Him we'll have scars in heaven. One rather large woman looked a bit distressed and said, 'You mean we won't have perfect bodies in heaven?' I didn't really know what to say. I guess she assumed she'd look like a supermodel in heaven after spending an entire lifetime eating twinkies here on earth. I thought about mentioning something about that to her as a helpful little dietary suggestion but decided not to."

"Maybe our scars, our histories of life on this earth, are an essential part of the afterlife. If we can infer anything about the body of the risen Jesus, it seems our scars are the only thing we get to take with us into eternity... Maybe it's so that when we've been dead for ten billion years and those few moments we had back on earth seem like a dream, we'll be able to say, 'Yes, I really did live in that place of skid marks and scars. Yes, I really did believe in Him and He really did rise again. Yes, His love really did bring me here.'"

"There on His skin is the evidence of how we treat our saviors, of how we act toward God, and how He reacts to us. Scars & all, God wants to save you. Hopes and dreams and everything; mistakes and wounds and heartaches. All of you. Who you are and who you were. Twinkie-eater or granola-head. Jesus offers to save you body and soul and scars and all."

So if our scars are more like reminders instead of regrets, meant to tell of tales and testimonies from these lives of ours, I can begin to fear failure less and trust His grace more. It gives me much comfort to know that it's more about who I become in the process than whether I follow all the rules and avoid making mistakes. I actually think mistakes are the best teachers, and the scars that follow may be the best way to show me that He is great, He redeems, and He works all things together for good.

"You came back to life with fresh scars and open arms

you arrive with a constant reminder of our world

pierced and etched upon your skin.

but the deepest scars didn't come from the nails,

and because of that

the healing you offer isn't just skin deep.

you can heal me all the way down to the bone

down to the heart.

I'm ready to enter the tale,

let your tale enter me.

Emergence."

hedonistic

Our faith was born at the sight of His fondness.

And so we went.

A person defined as a "hedonist" is basically a pleasure seeker. I can only imagine how many times the church has preached against pleasure, at least in a physical sense. I bring this up because I'm re-reading through one of my favorite books/ studies: The Beloved Disciple: Following John to the Heart of Jesus, by Beth Moore.

In this chapter she confesses that she is a Christian hedonist. I find that very funny and extremely enviable. Let me explain...

Augustine wrote, "How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose!... You drove them from me, You who are the true, the sovereign Joy. You drove them from me and took their place, You who are sweeter than all pleasure."

C.S. Lewis wrote, "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

Beth writes, "When we pursue Him feverishly and desire to love Him passionately, we will have an unexpected and stunning collision with joy and fulfillment."

God says to Abraham (then Abram) in Genesis 15:1, "Do not be afraid... I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward."

I could not imagine accepting this truth of God being our great love, our lasting joy, if I had not experienced it myself and continue to experience it constantly and consistently in my life. I also consistently fall short of the realization that none other can satisfy like He can. My heart's desire is to be able to confidently confess that, "Jesus is the uncontested delight of my life." I have much farther to go.

"C.S. Lewis was right. We have been too easily pleased. Somewhere along the way many of us formed a concept of Christ and settled with it. So few really grasp the invitation to great adventure. They try to reduce God to nothing but religion, then grow bored with the image they created. As a result, hearts become accidents waiting to happen, for our souls were instead created to exult and dance in holy passion. If we don't find it in the Holy One, we'll search for it amid the smoldering heaps of the unholy. I have burn scars to prove it."

How different everything would be if we could grasp that statement. Our souls were not intended to endure such heartbreak and abuse that we put them through. A question that baffles me is why do we run from such a loving, accepting God? Is it pride, ignorance, fear? I am stumped. In view of some of the brokenness that I have seen in the lives of people, it does not make sense why we would keep running from healing, from our Healer.

I love this blessing in Deuteronomy 33:12:

God's Beloved,

God's permanent residence,

encircled by God all day long

within whom God is at home.

I believe that is a blessing to be received by every single person-- for our hearts to be His home, for our identities to be found in our belovedness. We are the objects of His affection.

I want that to be a legacy of my life... not so much that people thought highly of me, but that those who lived around me felt the adoration of my Father, saw the joy of my surrender, experienced the Love of my life.

"I am convinced that God welcomes the hedonistic approach that says, 'God, You are the best thing that could ever happen to me, so happen indeed!'"

Girls

I've been so inspired by media lately! Watch this before you read.

praise from the upright is beautiful.

psalm 33:1

Watching that precious child dance reminded me of a church service in Manaus, Brazil. While the band was playing and leading us in worship [in Portuguese] two girls dressed in purple went to the front and began to dance. I watched them the whole time. I felt like God was using them as vessels to pour out His joy and delight to all of us.

And I can still remember a time at my home church, years ago, when one of the men who sang on our worship team did a solo song and his little girl danced around the stage in a pink dress. I could barely hold it together.

I love the innocence and beauty of little girls. It's tragic that so many young girls all over the world are never purely loved or delighted in. Reading in my Voice for the Voiceless book I am appalled by statistics about rape, trafficking, dowries for young brides, and murder of female babies. The book Captivating makes a very good point for the reason women are so attacked by evil. I encourage you to read it.

I remember feeling many times growing up that beauty is dangerous. People tend to do crazy and awful things to acquire something beautiful. I wouldn't say that I grew up in fear necessarily, but I did feel it many times. Instead of feeling affirmed and confident when people (especially older men) told me I was beautiful, I would shrink back and want to hide it. I believe that we as girls are meant to show the beauty of our Creator in a way that few other created things can. That should be celebrated and treasured! But as we all know, that is a rarity. And so it is with our broken world, fallen from pure perfection.

God is still working on my heart: calling me away from lies & calling me to know who He made me to be; helping me to love and appreciate myself so I can better love and appreciate others.

A friend once told me this: "you are becoming-- as God reveals Himself to you, you reveal more of yourself to others." Truth.

I often feel like I am still a little girl, longing for love yet hiding myself away when it comes. But there are times when I feel His delight, see it coming through everything and everyone around me, and I cannot explain the assurance and worth spoken to me in those times.

I love this, from Max Lucado's book, God Thinks You're Wonderful.

God is fond of you. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. If He had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

He can live anywhere in the universe... and He chose your heart. Face it, friend. He's crazy about you. As much as you want to see Him, He wants to see you more.

If you want to touch God's heart, use the name He loves to hear.

Call him Father.